Bitter Medicine
by Aedemiel
Summary: Sam has fallen under the spell of the lapsit exillis, stealing it, banishing Castiel and fleeing the bunker. Dean and Gabriel must deal with the aftermath, find Castiel and figure out how to get Sam back. Part Two of the Gracelight Series
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is a work of fiction. The tone of this fic is much darker than Part One - A Spoonful of Sugar. There are many dark and disturbing themes in here and more graphic depictions of sex and violence. Consider this fair warning, it's always darkest before the dawn.**

* * *

It had been three days.

Time had passed in a sort of alcoholic haze. Dean had wanted to keep it together, Cas would call and need his help from wherever he'd ended up banished to. But it was too hard, too unbearable, too overwhelming once the sun went down that first day and the bourbon flowed.

Sam was gone, Cas was gone and despite all their efforts, it was as if they had disappeared into thin air. Dean knew that Gabriel believed that Sam had been responsible for both his own vanishing and Cas' banishment. The thought was bitter black and biting, they'd had all the pieces of the puzzle but just hadn't put them together until it was too late. And yet, Dean still wanted to believe that Sam had not truly been responsible, because the alternative, that his brother had willingly capitulated to Lucifer's will and desire was too much to endure.

And so he waited. The ticking clock in the library gradually measured out the seconds of his life in whiskey and hopelessness. He couldn't remember the last time he'd truly slept, in his bed, not just passed out at the table or on the floor.

It had been three days.

It felt like forever.

* * *

On the fourth day, Martin Delaval called.

"Yeah," Dean had answered the phone, barely conscious.

"Dean." Martin had greeted him. "You need my help."

"Uh", Dean had responded intelligently. "What?"

"Get your ass down here." Martin commanded and hung up.

Dean was reminded of Bobby, and how the grizzled hunter would kick his ass if he saw him right now. He dragged himself upright, and wobbled towards the door. He'd have to clean up a little first. He slouched out into the hall and staggered to Sam's room, where Gabriel had barricaded himself in. Dean hammered on the door and bellowed Gabriel's name. After a few minutes, the archangel appeared, looking ready to smite him.

"Martin called. We're going to Little Rock." Dean told him. Gabriel teetered towards him, and only caught himself against the door at the last second.

"Who's Martin?" he slurred. _Shit, Gabriel was fucked up. But then so was he._

"Delaval. Friend. Hunter. Said he could help." Dean said, unsure if he was capable of making sense. Gabriel nodded.

"Gimme five."

* * *

The first few miles were quiet, Dean concentrating on the road and Gabriel staring sightlessly out of the window. When he did break the silence, Dean jumped.

"So, this Martin. Delaval?" Gabriel asked.

"Yeah, uh, Cas seemed to think it was important, his family I mean." Dean said unintelligibly.

"Delaval. That's a name I've not heard in a long time." Gabriel said. Dean blinked.

"You know the family too?" Gabriel let out a short humorless laugh.

"You could say that. You could also say I was responsible for their curse." The archangel seemed to shrink in his seat. Dean stared at him for longer than was probably safe given that he was driving.

"You wanna explain that?"  
"Not really." Gabriel said shortly. Dean gritted his teeth.

"Martin has some artifacts from the family. Including a gambanteinn," Dean faltered as he pronounced the unfamiliar word. Gabriel's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"I thought they had all been destroyed!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's what Cas said too. But Martin has one. Maybe he has other powerful things as well, and he knows something's going on. So maybe he really can help."

* * *

When they arrived at Martin's Auto Parts and Salvage it was after dark, the gate was locked and the yard was unlit. Dean pulled out his phone and called Martin but it went straight to voicemail. He cursed, looking back towards the Impala. Gabriel was listless in the passenger seat. They'd have to find a motel and come back in the morning. Suddenly a voice came over the gate.

"Dean?"

"Martin? Let us in, man!" The gate swung open and Martin was stood there, leaning on his cane which was glimmering so brightly it was hard to look at.

"Come in boy. Who's the angel?" Martin said tersely.

"Uh, can we discuss this indoors?" Dean hedged. The older man hesitated, then beckoned them both inside.

The small office was cramped but somehow Martin had managed to squeeze in three surprisingly comfortable chairs. The old hunter sloshed Irish whiskey into plastic cups and thrust them at Dean and Gabriel rather abruptly.

"So, you want to fill me in, boy?" Martin asked.

"Uh, it's a long story." Dean mumbled.

"Then shorten it. I ain't gettin' any younger." the older man grumped.

"OK, uh, this is Gabriel." Martin held up a hand.

"Back up a second. The _archangel Gabriel?_ "

"Guilty." Gabriel shrugged.

"Of course." Martin said with a roll of his eyes. "Go on, kid."

"So uh, Sam… well Lucifer.. and uh the lapsit wotsit, umm…" Gabriel put one hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Long story, very, _very_ short; you know Sam is Lucifer's True Vessel?" he asked. Martin nodded. "He has a piece of Luci's Grace in his soul. We found the _lapsit exillis_ , Sam disappeared with it, after banishing Castiel, Dean's uh, angel friend." Gabriel explained. Martin looked like someone had set fire to his shoes and then told him the floor was covered in gasoline.

"You found the _lapsit exillis_? And Sam, demon-blood addict, True Vessel of Lucifer and all-round abomination, stole it and fucked off?" Martin was livid.

"Uh, yeah. Maybe. It sounds worse when you say it like that," Dean said.

* * *

It had been three days.

Sam lay on the bed of the boutique hotel in Kansas City, MO and waited. The last few days had been a whirlwind. As soon as he'd laid eyes on the _lapsit exillis_ it had started to whisper to him of truth and secrets, of the promise of peace and happiness. Just being in it's presence soothed him. He remembered the moment, when confusion and fear had given way to certainty and a sense of purpose. _You opposed this purpose once…_ That sounded like Cas. He wasn't listening to Cas any more.

As the _lapsit exillis_ had spoken to him, he had begun to feel the urge, although he hadn't known what it meant. Only that a yearning sensation had coiled and twisted in his gut. _He needed… dammit he didn't know what he needed._ But he did know that he had to get the stone away from the bunker. He'd almost gotten away unchallenged, if only Cas hadn't come into the kitchen at that moment… He dismissed the thought. Cas should not have interfered.

Having banished the angel, he'd abandoned his original plan to take a car from the garage and instead decided to hitch a ride. A battered old pickup had pulled over and the driver, an African American in his late fifties, had opened the door for him. He'd sat uncomfortably silent, letting the older man ramble on at him about how he'd been driving this route from Alma, NE to Wichita, KS every week for forty years. Sam could care less. All he could concentrate on was this thudding sound in his ears, loud and insistent. Unable to stand it any longer, he jumped out at a gas station in Salina.

It hadn't taken him long to find another ride, a trucker headed to Kansas City. Marc was an affable guy from New Mexico, maybe five years older than Sam. Sam eyed him as he drove, tapping his fingers to the beat of the music on the radio. He wasn't bad looking, carrying a few extra pounds maybe but still not in bad shape for someone who sat behind the wheel all day. The thudding sound was just as loud as in the pickup, like a heartbeat, slow and steady. The back of the cab had a makeshift bed and when Marc had pulled over at the truck stop to catch a few hours sleep, he made it clear that he'd noticed Sam's interest. That was when he first began to understand. Sam had easily pinned the smaller man down and Marc had gotten alarmed, he started to struggle and Sam had to clamp one hand over his mouth to stop him crying out. The truck driver had stilled then, his eyes wide then jackknifed his body suddenly and pulled free of Sam's grasp. Cursing he'd pinned the man down again and with a quick movement had brought the knife in his boot to his hand and he'd slit the unfortunate Marc from ear to ear before he could cry for help. The blood had pumped out vigorously, coating Sam's hands and spattering his face and body. He breathed, in and out as the most exquisite sense of release swept through him.

But there was another need as yet unanswered. He stared down at his blood-soaked hands, quivering and aroused before unfastening his jeans and fulfilling that need as well.

The _lapsit exillis_ had sung to him, a soaring song that spoke to him of power and sex and violence. He'd lifted it out of the ebony box and watched in awe as Marc's soul rose up out of his body and into the stone, glowing greedily. After staring at it for a few moments, he returned it to the box and just sat there breathing heavily, his hands shaking. _What the fuck had he just done?_

He'd cleaned himself up as best he could with the sheets, then used the dingy truck stop bathroom to wash and change his clothes. His nerves were tingling and he was edgy, almost like he was coming down off a high. And he was going to have to find another ride to Kansas City.

After an hour, he finally convinced another trucker to offer him a ride. Brad was a local, younger than him and not especially chatty but that was fine with Sam. And so Sam had just stared out of the window, watching the other cars and trying not to think about the truck stop. The urge began to pulse within him again after a few hours, but he kept it locked down tight and gritted his teeth. Something was wrong, what the Hell was happening to him? Lucifer would know what was going on, would know what to do.

Finally, when Brad dropped Sam off in Kansas City, he'd picked up a new cellphone so he could check his email. There were a couple of messages from Dean and Gabriel which he ignored, and one cryptic text message telling him to check into a hotel and wait. So he waited.

It had been three days.

* * *

After his explosion of temper, Martin had sat heavily in his chair and sat silently, shaking his head.

"If Bobby were still alive, he'd kick both your asses, archangel or no," he told them. Dean rubbed his face with his hands.

"Bobby would have worked out what was going on before it was too late," he admitted. Gabriel kicked at his chair.

"Castiel knew something was up," the archangel told him. "But we thought he was over-reacting."

Dean sighed. "I couldn't believe Sam was in this much trouble, I thought he could resist Lucifer. He's done it before. I don't get it, Gabriel. What the Hell happened?"

"Have you ever asked Sam about his experience when Lucifer was possessing him?" Gabriel said tiredly. Dean looked at him, puzzled.

"No. I figured he'd tell me if he wanted to talk about it. But he never did." He scratched at his face in thought. "Why is it important?" Gabriel leaned his head back, exhaling slowly.

"Because you'd understand what's going on better if you knew. Luci and Sam had quite a lot of fun together before travelling to Stull Cemetery." Dean spluttered at the archangel's words.

"What are you talking about? Sam was fighting Lucifer!" He stood up and clenched his fists. Gabriel leveled a look at him.

"I've seen Sam's memories. It's not as black and white as you're making out. For example, one of the first things Luci did was to gift Sam with the opportunity for some payback against some of the demons Azazel had placed in his life to monitor and shape him. Sam drowned his fury and resentment in their blood. And he loved it, enjoyed every minute of it, even as he hated himself for it. There's a darkness in Sam, you _know_ that, and it has nothing to do with demon-blood or being Luci's True Vessel." Gabriel's face was deathly serious as he handed Sam's phone to Dean, the screen showing a selfie Sam had apparently taken in Hastings. "You've seen it, that darkness, even if you try to ignore it." Dean stared at the photo, Sam splattered with blood and grinning like a kid at Disneyland, reflected crazily in the shattered remains of a mirror. He swallowed. Where the Hell had Sam taken that picture? He squinted at it, the sight of Sam touching off a memory. The farm in Hastings. They'd killed seven people that day. Humans. And Sam had killed six of them. Afterwards, he'd been so flippant and unrepentant he should have realized something was off. If only Dean hadn't been so concerned with his personal soap opera with Cas... _dammit!_

He shoved the phone back at Gabriel and downed his cup of whisky in one swallow. Martin refilled his cup silently.

"Sam's in the wind. We've had no luck tracking him down which means he's working really hard on covering his trail. I think we have to concentrate on finding Castiel and replenishing my Grace. Once we're up to full strength, then we have a much better chance of finding Sam." Gabriel suggested. Dean growled at him, but the archangel had a point.

"If Cas is still alive," he replied, his voice cracking. No, Cas had to still be alive. He had to be.

* * *

Sam heard a creak and opened his eyes. Lucifer was sat on the chair by the desk, an affectionate smile on his face.

"Sam," he said warmly. He got up and stalked over to the bed.

"It's good to see you," Sam told the archangel, relief flooding through him. He sat up and turned so that Lucifer could stand between his legs. Lucifer sought his mouth and kissed him with a gentle sensuality that stole his breath and made him shiver. Pulling back, Lucifer cupped Sam's face in his hands and gazed into his eyes.

"How are you doing, Sam? This can't have been easy for you." Sam swallowed, no it hadn't been easy walking out on Dean and Gabriel or banishing Cas to who knows where. He gave the archangel a brave smile.

"I'm OK," he said. "I missed you." The archangel leaned down and kissed him again, soft and gentle at first but then hard and savage when Sam tried to tug him closer. Sam cried out, burning with lust and arousal. _Now, it had to be now, he couldn't wait another moment._ Lucifer practically tore the clothes from his body, and buried himself in Sam, gasping and desperate. It was exactly what Sam needed, hard and fast and primitive. They'd stared into each other's eyes in the immediate aftermath, grinning crazily, before settling into a comfortable tangle of limbs.

"You've been having fun," Lucifer smirked, nibbling at Sam's ear. Sam frowned.

"I don't know what happened." he confessed. "I didn't mean to kill him. And after…" he turned his head away.

"Sam," Lucifer said softly. "You're OK, Sam."

"I'm not OK. I'm really not. Lucifer, what I did at that truck stop-" his breathing hitched and Lucifer tucked him closer into his body and stroked his hands down Sam's back.

"Easy there, Sammy. Just breathe. You're safe."

"No, no. You don't understand. I didn't want to kill that guy. I didn't want to sleep with him either. But...I'm freaking out here. What's happening to me?" Sam's voice wobbled and Lucifer leaned back to look him in the eyes.

"Sam, I know you're full of doubt and questions right now. And that's OK, unlike my father I welcome those things. So, I hate to have to ask you just to trust me. But I love you, and I swear things are going to be all right." Lucifer's voice was gentle and comforting, settling Sam's fraying nerves. Sam just breathed it all in.

After a while, Sam lifted his head once more. "So what's the plan?"

"Plan?" Lucifer said, sounding puzzled. He kissed a line down Sam's neck and splayed one hand across his chest.

"We're going to get you out of the Cage, right? This is nice but I want you here. Really here, not just in my head." He trailed a hand down Lucifer's back and heard the archangel's breath hitch, the muscles quivering. Lucifer looked up, then seized his face and kissed him fiercely.

"Yes, Sam. Oh, my love. Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

Martin dumped a small plain box made of a pale colored wood in Dean's lap. He looked up.

"What's this?" he asked. Martin gave him a strange half-smile.

"It might help you find your missing angel," he said cryptically. Dean opened the box. Inside, wrapped in a piece of coarse white cotton embroidered with Norse runes in silver thread, was a small gray stone. A single rune was carved into the surface, it looked like a left arrow head. Power radiated off the stone, causing the skin on Dean's hand to prickle. Gabriel whistled.

"What is it?" Dean asked, strangely awed.

"It's called a signasteinn, a magic stone." Martin replied. "This one is inscribed with kenaz, the rune for knowledge and revelation."

"This thing can find Cas? Why can't we use it to find Sam too?" Dean demanded. Martin barked out a laugh.

"Because this kind of power is expensive, boy! Your checking account ain't fat enough to purchase more than one spell of insight." He thumped his cane on the floor emphatically. Dean looked rebellious.

"I don't have a checking account, but I can get you as much money as you want." Dean fought down his disappointment that such an old friend would want payment for their help. Martin shook his head.

"Your money's no good here. The signasteinn wants something much more valuable. Sacrifice." Dean was aghast.

"You want me to kill some poor sucker to power this spell? No!" he yelled. Martin laughed, and Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

"Not that kind of sacrifice. A personal sacrifice. You want to find Castiel, you have to sacrifice his love." Dean stared at him.

"What does that even mean?" he demanded. Martin shrugged.

"The angel loves you, deeply and unconditionally. It's rather beautiful actually. If you agree to the sacrifice, that love will die, as if it had never been. He will still be your friend. But that is all." Dean choked, his head spinning. He barely even knew where he and Cas had been going with...whatever they had between them. And now, Martin had demolished what was left of his world in a few sentences. Cas loved him. Cas _loved_ him. And to find him, find Sam and fix the Godawful mess with Lucifer, he'd have to give it up, destroy it. Gabriel's face was savage.

"That's a heavy price, old man," he snarled. Martin just leaned back and regarded them both shrewdly.

"I don't set the price, I'm just a salesman." Martin dug a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and offered it to Dean who refused it with a growl. The old hunter pulled one out and lit it.

"You don't have to decide now. It's an open-ended offer." Gabriel turned to face him.

"What would be the price to find Sam?" he asked coldly and Martin laughed again.

"I said you couldn't afford it. The price is the same. You'd have to give up Sam's love for you. " Gabriel inhaled, gathering his willpower.

"If that's what it takes," he said through gritted teeth.

"Ah! So noble! But in your case, not such a smart move. You destroy the love Sam feels for you, then he will be free to bestow all that love on Lucifer instead and you'll never be able to save him. He'll be lost." Gabriel narrowed his eyes at the old man.

"Who are you? Don't give me the just an old hunter line." Martin smirked at him.

"You could say I'm a priest. _I'd_ say I was Tyr's right hand." he told them. Gabriel straightened.

"Come on, Dean. We're leaving."

* * *

Sam used the old trick of bumping into a man and picking his pocket while he waited in line at a coffee shop, scoring a wallet full of credit cards and a set of car keys. The car was parked right outside the shop and Sam was away before the man even realised he'd been robbed. A few miles out of town he stopped at a large mall to buy a handheld GPS, which would be more accurate for his purposes than his phone. He logged into his email to see more emails from Dean, and several from Gabriel. _Fuck._

Having a car was much safer than hitching a ride, for other people if not for him. He was not happy that Lucifer had declined to answer his questions about what had happened with the truck driver and whereas the archangel had at least not lied to him, it was not easy to trust him either.

The _lapsit exillis_ whispered to him sometimes, other times it would sing or fall silent for hours. Sam didn't know what to make of it. But at least there was a plan, which meant he could concentrate on that and not on the nagging doubts at the back of his mind.

His next destination was Chicago, about 5 hours away assuming the traffic stayed fairly light. He kept his eyes on the road and sung along to the radio to keep his thoughts at bay.

* * *

Dean sat in the Impala, forehead resting on the steering wheel, breathing unevenly. Gabriel ached for him. Nobody should be asked to pay this kind of price, but to ask it of Dean was unendurable. He waited, the older Winchester was not likely to be receptive to soft words the way his brother was. _Oh, Sammy._ The thought of Sam, lost in body and mind to Lucifer's machinations made him want to scream.

"Can he really do this?" Dean rasped. Gabriel sucked in a breath.

"Yes. There's a reason these artifacts were destroyed. I had no idea any had survived. They're just too powerful and the price they exact for their usage is very steep. As you just witnessed."

"So if I do this, Cas and I remain friends but...anything else I feel is not- He will never- There's no chance-" Dean stuttered incomprehensibly. But Gabriel knew what he was trying to ask.

"Would Castiel fall in love with you again if the love he currently bears is taken away? No. It would not be much of a sacrifice otherwise. Part of what powers the spell is your pain, which means all hope must be lost. If you hold any thought that you could recapture Castiel's heart, the spell will not work." Gabriel ground his teeth. _Hateful, hateful magic._

"What about this Grace anchor of yours, can't you use that to find Sam?" Dean growled.

It should have been simplicity itself. But the bridge of the Anchor was cold and dark. Gabriel couldn't understand it. If Sam was alive, the bridge should hum with the power of his soul. If he were dead, the bridge would crumble. He tugged at it anyway, maybe Sam would feel him searching.

"It's strange, it's not responding as it should. It's completely unresponsive." Dean sucked in a breath.

"He's not-"

"No, Sam's alive. If he were dead, believe me you'd know." Gabriel's voice cracked and Dean felt a twinge of sympathy. "We should work on restoring my Grace instead. Fully powered up, I should be able to find Castiel. And together we should be able to locate Sam. Forget the signasteinn, we can figure this out on our own." Dean exhaled slowly.

"Where do we start?"

* * *

Sam made his way to one of Dad's old storage units, where he'd hidden one of his keys inside a pack of cursed playing cards. It was safe for him to handle he knew because the curse had been aimed at certain personality traits that Dean had but apparently Sam didn't share. He smirked to himself, hiding the key here had been kind of mean, but it was extra insurance. Except of course, here he was retrieving the keys. _But it was OK, he knew what he was doing._

Back out in the city, he tapped up an old contact to get a new fake driver's license in the name of Michael Smith to match his stolen credit card. He also took the liberty of stealing a laptop from an inattentive middle-aged woman waiting for a bus and used it to book a flight to Boston.

* * *

The flight was busy and airline seats were not designed for men of Sam's proportions. He was jammed in tightly beside a rather lovely young man from Denver who apparently took a fancy to Sam and flirted with him throughout the entire flight. There was a time when Sam would have simply enjoyed the attention and maybe flirted idly back. But here, in the close confines of the jetliner, the warmth of the young man's body pressed against his, Sam was aware of the pulsing need building in his abdomen. He fought the feeling, _no, not this again._ Besides, this really wasn't the place.

As soon as they landed, Sam scrambled to grab his small carry-on and get off this infernal tin-can. His admirer, clearly aware of Sam's arousal, followed him into the men's room and had gasped with delight when Sam shoved him into the disabled cubicle with a growl. Driven beyond endurance, Sam ripped at his clothes like he was possessed. His new friend writhed and whimpered as Sam pinned him against the wall and bit savagely at his skin. The small silver knife cleverly concealed in the sole of Sam's boot flashed, and his paramour slumped to the floor. Sam stared down at him, at the blood on his shaking hands and the blade of the knife. Still the arousal beat at him, aching for release. Sam fought the feeling, bad enough that he'd killed the kid, he wasn't going to… He gasped as his body began to fight his attempts to calm down, lust tearing at his will and clawing at his throat. He fell to his knees and curled inwards, breathing rapidly. Unable to stand it any longer, he shoved his hand roughly into his pants and gave in to the the clawing lust. If he had thought the pleasure of his release had been good with Marc the truck driver, this was ecstasy. He stayed there, kneeling on the floor and drawing in shivering breaths.

"You picked the wrong person to hit on," he told the rapidly cooling corpse. He gingerly opened his carry on and cleaned his hands and the blade with some wet wipes before reverentially opening the ebony box. He stroked the _lapsit exillis_ lovingly as it coaxed out the young man's soul and consumed it. Smiling, Sam listened once more to its siren song.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and cheerful. It couldn't have been a worse fit for the mood in the Impala. Dean rubbed his hand over his face.

"So, where are we going again?" Gabriel sighed.

"There are three ways I can recharge my Grace. I can use a conduit, such as the Grace anchor I placed in Sam. Well, that's out. I can get a temporary boost from another angel, but they're not going to hand that over willingly. At least, not to me. Or I can sneak into Heaven. Pow, insta-archangel mojo." In fact there were at least two other ways he could replenish his Grace, by killing one of his brothers and stealing his Grace, or by contact with a large number of human souls. He didn't want to do the first and he was pretty sure Dean would not be on board with the second. "So we just have to go the door to Heaven and sneak in when the angels next travel though it."

"Cas told me where it was last. I don't know if they've moved it since then." Dean said. Gabriel gave him a shaky grin.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Gabriel looked around the children's playground from his position behind a tree, his eyebrows raised. Dean gave a half-shrug.

"Don't look at me, I didn't put it here." He indicated the two angels standing guard with a thrust of his jaw. "What are you going to do about the Matrix twins over there?" Gabriel gave him a tight grin.

"I'm gonna play a trick, of course." He slipped out from behind the tree and swaggered over to the two angels, his face serious.

"Evening, boys." The archangel said, his voice weighted with authority. He flashed a badge at them and Dean swore as he patted his pockets. Gabriel had swiped his fake Deputy's badge right under his nose.

"So, I got a call from my boss telling me that two dudes are hanging around a kiddies playground. And I come by to check it out and here you boys are." Gabriel was saying, his tone pitched perfectly between menace and rigid propriety. "Wanna explain what you're doing here?" The two angels exchanged glances.

"We're waiting for someone." The taller one said.

"Our sister and our niece." The shorter one added.

"I see." Gabriel said. "Well, maybe you should call your sister and ask to meet somewhere else. Coz I gotta move you boys along, capiche?" The angels exchanged glances again and they both reached out to Gabriel at the same time with their fingers. But even depowered, Gabriel was fast and clever, and he dodged out of the way and stuck out one foot, hooking around the angel's ankle. Taken by surprise, he stumbled forward and crashed into his taller sibling. They collapsed unconscious to the ground. Dean blinked. What the Hell just happened?

Gabriel looked up and beckoned him over urgently. He jogged over.

"That won't hold them for long. Tie them up with this. He produced a length of red ribbon, embroidered with Enochian symbols. Dean gave him a look like he'd lost his mind.

"A pretty ribbon isn't going to hold two angels." Gabriel grinned.

"These are the anti-angel warding sigils. What do you think that will do to them tied around their wrists?" Dean couldn't imagine. Gabriel rolled his eyes. "It will keep them out cold, battling between their Grace and the magic of the sigils. Now help me drag them behind that bush."

"How did you knock them out in the first place?" Dean huffed as he dragged the larger angel across the grass.

"Once you start to extend your Grace to impose your will, it will act on anything it touches. They were going to zap me, I tripped one and they zapped each other."

"OK, now what?"

"Now, we wait." Gabriel flicked a look at his unconscious brothers. Puriel and Dokiel. _Morons._

He looked at Dean. He hadn't wanted to kill any of his brothers for their Grace, but now with power so close at hand, he was tempted. Dean watched him.

"What is it?" Gabriel twitched.

"Nothing."

"Were you thinking about stealing their Grace?" the hunter asked gruffly. Gabriel reared back, startled.

"No!" Dean leveled a look at him. "OK, maybe. But I can't do it without killing them, otherwise all of Heaven would be on my tail. So no, I'm not doing it." Dean nodded, thinking.

"Cas did it," he said. Gabriel gaped at him.

"After Metatron stole Cas' Grace as part of the spell to close the gates of Heaven, he was captured by one of the other angel factions led by Malachi. He was being tortured by some dick called Theo. Cas tricked him, stole his Grace and killed him." Dean's voice was matter-of-fact but Gabriel could sense the empathy he felt for Castiel's awful predicament. "I'm not sayin' you should do it. But sneaking into Heaven like this is risky. It's a shitty idea, but it's a temporary fix and we could get the Hell out of Dodge." Gabriel considered for a moment. He'd hoped that rendering the two guardians immobile would set off alarms in Heaven, and that someone would have come to check it out. _Fuck_. Dean was right, they were exposed here and who knew how long they'd have to wait for another of his siblings to show up. But he couldn't do it - killing in cold blood had never been his thing. So, they waited.

* * *

Sam dashed through Logan airport, desperate to get away, desperate to talk to Lucifer again. He rented a car and drove out of the city. It would take him a couple of hours to get to Martha's Vineyard, where he'd hidden his second key. He didn't really want to get behind the wheel, he wanted to check into a hotel and sleep. But after killing his seatmate in the men's room, he had to get as far away as he could. Someone might remember him, one of the curses of being so tall. You were remembered.

About an hour out of the city, he realized there was another car following him. It was getting dark but squinting at it in the rear view mirror, he recognized it as a black and gray Police Interceptor. _Fuck._ The trooper turned on his lights. Sam gritted his teeth and pulled over. He breathed in, nice and slow, nice and even. He placed his hands prominently on the steering wheel and opened the window. After a few moments, the state trooper strode up.

"License and registration." he said, clearly bored. Sam maintained an iron hard grip on himself, _don't relax, not yet._

He handed over the Michael Smith license and the documents from the rental car agency. The trooper inspected them closely.

"Just come from the airport, sir?" he asked, his tone cool.

"Uh yeah, a few hours ago." Sam said. _Shit. You know the rules. Don't volunteer information._

"And where are you headed?" The trooper was shining his flashlight inside the car, looking for anything that might catch his eye.

"Provincetown," Sam lied. The trooper nodded, like this was exactly what he suspected.

"Sir, would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?" It wasn't really a request. Sam carefully opened the door and stepped out of the car. The _lapsit exillis_ flared a warning in his mind. Sam suddenly thrust his palm up into the trooper's nose, sending him flailing back swearing. He reached for his gun, but Sam was too fast, drawing a knife and slashing across his throat in one swift movement. His body dropped. Sam stood there gasping for breath. He wrenched open the trunk, pulled out the ebony box and placed it near the trooper's corpse, before opening it and allowing the stone to absorb the man's soul. Then he snapped the box shut, shoved it back in the trunk, jumped in and drove off.

Once he'd put a few miles behind him, he pulled into the parking lot of a drugstore. Scanning the lot, he selected a fairly new looking car, and swapped out the tags with his rental car. He'd have to ditch the Michael Smith ID and abandon the rental car soon, but this would keep the police off his tail for a few hours, long enough to retrieve the second key.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Well, my interstate move is almost complete. My stuff arrives on the truck tomorrow! In celebration, have another chapter. :-)**

Dean was tired of hanging around. Gabriel assurance that once he'd disabled the two portal guardians, that more angels would come through had proven to be wrong. He elbowed the archangel.

"C'mon Gabriel, nobody's coming. We're gonna have to try something else." he complained. Gabriel looked back at the guardians.

"Patience is a virtue," Gabriel said sententiously. Dean's mouth twitched. He got up and wandered over to the two unconscious angels.

"Maybe if I poke one them a bit?" he said hopefully. Gabriel looked at him.

"Seriously?"

"OK, OK." Dean surrendered, holding his hands up. "You never struck me as the patient type."

"I'm not," Gabriel said. "But waiting for angels to show up is better than moping or drinking myself into a coma."

"It is?" Dean said flippantly, but it felt like he was trying too hard. Then he swore as the ground began to shake and light sprang from the sandpit.

"Here they come," Gabriel said. "You'd better get out of here." When Dean hesitated he shoved him, hard. "Go!"

Dean jogged back to the Impala and threw himself inside. More waiting, but Gabriel had said that it would not take long. He turned on the radio, but for once the music couldn't hold his attention. He played with it for a moment, until he landed on NPR. It was sound at least, to block out the screaming in his head.

* * *

Sneaking past the contingent of angels coming through the portal would not be easy. But the guardians being missing would at least distract them for a few moments. Perhaps it would be enough.

Sure enough, when the four angels appeared, they stared around in consternation that they were not met by Puriel and Dokiel. Gabriel ghosted through the trees and held his breath as he snuck behind them and into the portal, not daring to exhale until the white light of Heaven surrounded him.

When he could see again, he reached for his Grace, which should now be fully charged. But to his dismay, there was virtually nothing. A bare glimmer, a little more than he'd had before, but that was all. What the Hell had Metatron done to him when he'd been resurrected? The whiny little shit had clearly been surprised that his Grace had not been restored with his consciousness. Something was seriously wrong, and now he was stuck in Heaven with no Grace and who knows what the other angels would make of him turning up now. He needed help.

Carefully edging open the door of the rather blandly vacant room where the portal had been housed, he looked up and down the corridor. It was empty. Where was he? They'd clearly redecorated Heaven since his last visit and he couldn't say he approved of the rather sterile new color scheme. He glanced up at the name on the door opposite, and had to bite his tongue rather than gasp aloud. _Ellen Harvelle._

He checked the corridor once more, but it was empty. So he dashed quickly over to Ellen's door and slipped inside. He froze almost immediately at the sight of a shotgun pointed directly at his face. Ellen's face was hard and her stance told him she'd pull the trigger in a heartbeat if he put a foot wrong.

"Uh, hi," he said nervously.

"Who the Hell are you?" Ellen barked. He gave her a reassuring grin.

"I'm a friend of Sam's. And Dean's I guess." The shotgun barrel pressed closer.

"Yeah? And?" Ellen's eyes narrowed at him.

"Uh. I'm…" he hesitated. "I'm Gabriel."

"Uh huh. And I'm Oprah. Try again, wiseass." _Wow, this chick was nails._

"No, really. And Sam's in trouble. I need your help." The shotgun barrel wavered.

"Sam's in trouble? Is this about the Apocalypse?" Gabriel gave her a pleading look and she pointed the gun at the floor.

"You didn't hear what happened?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't have to relate everything that had happened since she died.

"I heard. Ash filled me in. I'm asking if it's starting again."

OK, long story really, _really_ short." _Again._ "Sam has a piece of Lucifer's Grace in his soul. We found the _lapsit exillis_ , the source of Lucifer's power before his Fall. Sam stole it and disappeared."

Ellen snorted. " _Sam_ stole this artifact and ran off with it. Give me a break." Gabriel spread his hands.

"It's true. It's not his fault. Lucifer is capable of influencing even the most resolute souls. And the exposure to the _lapsit exillis_ was probably the last straw. Sam's lost his mind. And we have to find him." Ellen slung the shotgun down on a nearby table. Gabriel eyed her uncertainly.

"OK. But you're an arc-" Gabriel slapped his hand over her mouth and she glared at him before slapping his hands away.

"Get your damn hands off me," she growled. Gabriel held up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry. But ixnay on the a-word, OK?" She looked suspiciously at him.

"So what do you want?" She folded her arms over her chest and Gabriel was reminded of Dean.

"I'm virtually all out of Grace, and I snuck back in here to recharge. But it isn't working and I can't get back to Dean the way I came in." Ellen relaxed as comprehension dawned.

"You want to talk to Ash." He nodded.

"OK, stick around here. I'll send him a message."

* * *

Dean rested his head back, the droning sound of the radio providing a kind of white noise backdrop. Gabriel had been gone for hours. They hadn't discussed what he should do if Gabriel went AWOL. _Dammit._ Dean had to assume something had gone wrong.

 _Dean…_

Dean jerked suddenly and almost dropped dead on the spot at the sight of his father in the backseat of the Impala. Looking exactly the way he had the last time Dean had seen him, the day he'd escaped when Azazel had opened the gate to Hell.

"Hello, Dean." his Dad said. Dean frowned. It sounded like his father's voice but, something wasn't quite right. John smiled.

"No, I'm not John. Sorry, Dean." Dean scowled at him.

"Then who the Hell are you, and why are you wearing his face?" John shrugged.

"I can only work with the limits of your mind." Dean stiffened. "I'm here to help."

"Fine. Tell me who you are." John sighed. "A friend. That's all you need to know." Dean folded his arms. "That's all you're going to get. Listen or don't. It's up to you."

"OK, shoot. But this had better be good."

"You're looking for Sam. You want to get him out from Lucifer's influence. I'm here to tell you how to do that." Dean sat up. "The key to this is the _lapsit exillis_. It's exerting its influence, Lucifer's will on Sam. Your brother's done some terrible things, Dean. Under the influence of the stone, but still that matters not. Each act he commits tears away another connection between his soul and Heaven. Soon, he will be irredeemable."

"So help me," Dean pleaded. "Help me find him, tell me how to break this stone's power over Sam." John shook his head.

"It's not going to be easy. You need to be looking for Castiel right now. Gabriel has not been successful in replenishing his Grace and without that, he won't find him. Castiel is in a coma, close to death. But without Castiel, you cannot break the hold Lucifer has on Sam." Dean grabbed John's arm.

"Why Cas? Why does it have to be him?" John brushed him off.

"I don't have much time. Find Castiel. He's the key." Dean blinked. John was gone. His head hurt and he felt like he was going to be sick. He staggered out of the car and into the woods.

* * *

Gabriel lounged on the bar stool, listening to Ash expound on his theory of quantizing celestial intent. What a tragic waste, this young man's brilliant mind snuffed out so soon.

"Look, I'm interested in the theory, I really am. But I'm also short on time and I need to recharge my Grace now. Can you do it?" Ash frowned.

"It's just theory, right now. I haven't even got started on building an actual working prototype." Gabriel huffed out a breath of frustration. It wasn't Ash's fault. He patted the young man on the shoulder.

"Can you work on it? As quick as you can?" He needed to get out of Heaven before anyone knew he was here. Ash nodded.

"Yeah, man. Sure. You need a door back to Earth?" he asked. Gabriel stared at him. "Do you have one?" Ash grinned.

"You bet."

"Will you be able to contact me once you're done?" Ash leveled a look at him. Gabriel grinned. He got up and sketched a sigil on the roadhouse door and waved a hand at it.

"There's your route home." The young genius beamed at him. "I'll be in touch."

Gabriel stepped through the door and back into the parking lot near the children's playground where they'd parked the Impala. Kid _was_ a genius! He walked over to the car and blinked in surprise, where the Hell was Dean?

* * *

Sam parked the rental car in the lot of a hotel near the Woods Hole ferry and walked to the Terminal to buy a ticket to Martha's Vineyard. There was a ferry at 9:45pm, about twenty minutes from now. He hunched his shoulders, trying to disguise his height as best he could, but nobody seemed very interested in him anyway. There were a few passenger milling about, so he found somewhere to sit and check his messages.

There was an email from an email address he didn't recognize, a firemail address called jagger68.

 _Sam,_

 _Dean enlisted help to hide at least one of the rings. Hunter in St Louis called Byron Li. Maybe he can tell you where Dean hid it._

 _love_

 _LM_

Sam smiled. He remembered Byron, he'd worked a job with him when Dean was in Hell. He thought he was a dick to be honest, but he was a good hunter and nobody said you had to like someone to work with them. He'd have to look him up once he got done in Martha's Vineyard. He tapped out a quick reply and then headed out to catch his ferry.

He'd buried his key in the grave of a man called James Cottle in the Tisbury Village Cemetery. He considered whether he should wait until morning before retrieving it, but decided against it almost immediately. It took only a few moments to find the correct grave and dig up the coffee can he'd buried here, years ago. He pulled out the safe-deposit key in triumph. He looked around the cemetery, he'd have to hole up here for the night. He sat under one of the trees, looking up at the stars visible between the branches. It was clear, crisp night and Sam wondered if perhaps this was a smart idea. Dying of hypothermia was not in the game plan. He leaned his head back against the bark of the tree. Maybe he should go find a hotel. A chill slid down his neck and he turned his head with a smile.

"Lucifer. I have the second key," he told him. Lucifer kissed his temple.

"I know. You're doing real well, Sam." Sam frowned at that.

"Except I killed two people. One of them was a cop." He looked up at the archangel. "The cop was unavoidable, although I still wish I had found another way out. But the man at the airport, that was...like the trucker. I know you said to trust you and I do, I do. But I need to understand what's happening to me. I feel this...need. Once it starts, it gets stronger and stronger until I can't resist. I'm frightened, Lucifer. It was sheer luck that nobody came into the bathroom at the airport. I mean, when have you ever seen an airport bathroom that wasn't busy?" Sam began to shiver and Lucifer pulled him into his arms, and stroked soothing fingers down his spine.

"I can't say I've spent much time in airports," Lucifer said wryly. Sam gave a soft laugh despite himself. "But it is the _lapsit exillis_ that kept other people out of your way while you were paying it tribute." Sam's head came up suddenly.

" _Tribute?_ " he gasped. "What does that mean?" Lucifer made a self-deprecating gesture.

"Do you understand what the _lapsit exillis_ even is?" Lucifer asked gently. Sam raked a hand through his hair.

"Only what Gabriel told us, which is virtually nothing. He said it was the source of your power before the Fall, called it your Heart." Lucifer rolled his eyes, which made Sam grin.

"Gabriel's a romantic," he told Sam. "I used to have a crown, a sign of my favor with my Father. When Michael cast me into the pit, he knocked the crown from my head and destroyed it. He always was jealous of me. The emerald set in that crown is the _lapsit exillis_. It augmented my power, allowed me to surpass all the other angels, even Michael. Regaining that stone has been second only to my desire to escape the Cage, all these past millennia." Sam quivered. When Lucifer referred to such vast stretches of time so casually, he was reminded of how small, how transient, how short his life really was. He'd felt this way with Gabriel too, but somehow it was worse with Lucifer. _Don't think about Gabriel. Just don't._ "And now the need for that stone has become critical. You set the Darkness free, Sam. I know you were only trying to save Dean, but actions have consequences. I wish you had turned to me for help instead."

"It didn't even occur to me." Sam admitted. "And I wasn't exactly keen to renew our acquaintance. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I understand. We got off on the wrong foot, you and I, because your mind was poisoned against me before we even met. But now, you begin to understand. Why I rebelled, why I refused to back down even in the face of the terrible, disproportionate punishment my Father likes to dish out." Lucifer nuzzled his face into Sam's hair, trembling slightly. This had all happened so long ago, and yet it seemed Lucifer still felt the pain of it as if it were yesterday.

"So, this emerald requires tribute?" Sam asked and Lucifer nodded.

"Incredible power can be found in blood, in sex, in human souls and the struggle for life. The _lapsit exillis_ is like a lens, focusing that power. But it also requires a constant flow of power in order to exist. Without it, it grows dark and cold. Many wars have been fought because of the stone. It has the power to warp reality around it, to produce the conditions that mean it can feed." _What kind of Heavenly object needed such things?_ Sam felt nauseous. _How many of his decisions were being controlled by the emerald?_ A silvery edge of panic began to encroach on his vision and Lucifer grasped his face, kissing him deeply. Sam groaned, the panic receding as desire began to race through his veins. Lucifer slipped a hand under his shirt and tugged him closer, pressing their bodies together and Sam was shivering again, but this time with longing and need. The archangel licked his way down Sam's neck and Sam reached for the fastening of Lucifer's pants. He opened them with a practiced hand and pulled away from Lucifer's ministrations to his neck to sink down and bury his face between the archangel's legs. Lucifer threw his head back and began to pant.

"Sam, oh Sam." He switched to Enochian, a constant stream falling from his mouth as Sam used his mouth to bring him to the brink. " _Sam!"_ As Lucifer crested, Sam began to shudder, shoving a hand into his jeans and stroking himself even as he swallowed down Lucifer's release. The archangel thrust his own hand into Sam's pants, the sudden coolness of his touch drawing gasps from Sam's throat. And then he was tumbling over the edge, and Lucifer was there to catch him.

 **A/N Everyone who had been reading and favoriting and following - thank you! Please leave a review or a comment if you can, I really want to improve my writing and hearing from my readers helps when I have writer's block. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel sat on the hood of the car, considering his options. The older Winchester couldn't have gone far, not and left his beloved Baby behind. So, how far could a human walk in the hours he'd been gone? He realized he didn't even have a good sense of how much time had passed on earth while he'd been in Heaven. He pulled out Sam's phone and looked at the time. OK, he'd been up there about six hours. He saw that Sam's email was indicating new messages. They were probably just the ones he and Dean had sent, but it didn't hurt to check. When he saw the message from jagger68 , his eyes narrowed. It was marked as read, so Sam had already seen it. He tried not to feel the stabbing pain that his messages continued to go unread and opened the message he was sure was from Lucifer.

When Dean made it back to the Impala, pale and shaky but in control of himself once again he saw Gabriel sat on the hood of the car, his head down. When he heard Dean approach, the archangel's head came up, his face grim.

"You look like I feel," Dean told him. Gabriel looked defeated and Dean took a deep breath. "No luck on juicing up?" Gabriel started.

"No, but how did you know that?" Dean shrugged, he didn't need mysterious visitations to tell him something was up.

"You look like shit, you're sat on the hood of my car and I had a visitor tell me so." Gabriel made a movement to slide off the hood but Dean waved at him and pulled himself up alongside. "So, you wanna tell me what happened?"

"I don't know." Gabriel muttered. "It should have worked." He fidgeted, a gesture so human Dean felt a surge of pity. "I've enlisted some help, from your old friend Ash. He has this theory about quantization and collapsing waveforms of celestial intent." Dean looked baffled and Gabriel smiled weakly. "I have no idea what that means either, but he says he can find another way to recharge my Grace. He's the one who got me back here." He stared up at the stars, lost in thought.  
"How long is that going to take?" Gabriel's face took on a pinched expression.

"I don't know."

"I don't think we have the time to wait. I said I had a visitor? Some douchebag wearing my Dad's face. He says Cas is near death and he is the key to freeing Sam from Lucifer and the influence of the _lapsit exillis._ He said Sam is doing...bad things, Gabriel." The archangel sighed.

"Yes, he will be. It's the influence of the stone, accentuating all of Sam's worst qualities and dampening his conscience and other good traits."

"How bad, Gabriel?" Dean said through gritted teeth.

"Right now, bad. Theft, violence, probably the occasional murder when the urge gets strong enough."

"The occasional _murder!_ " Dean shrieked. Gabriel was somber.

"Yes. Gratuitous and for no other reason than the pleasure of killing." The archangel looked old, suddenly. "Each one will tear another connection to Heaven from his soul."

"What will happen when all the connections are gone?" Dean could barely stand to ask. Gabriel looked at him directly.

"If he were human, he'd become a demon. But who knows what Sam actually is. So I've really no idea."

Dean slid off the hood and yanked open the car door. Gabriel yelped in surprise.

"Where are we going now?"

"Back to Martin's. We can't waste any more time. We have to find Cas, get him recharged and then go save Sam. And every day Sam is slipping away from us." Dean sagged. "I'll pay the price the signasteinn wants. He's my brother, Gabriel."

* * *

Sam woke suddenly, aware that he was freezing cold. He shivered and slowly dragged himself upright against the trunk of the tree. He forced himself to move, trying to get the blood moving into his limbs. His watch told him that he had about half an hour before the first ferry of the morning left, so he needed to get his ass in gear.

He trudged to the terminal, which was busier than he was expecting given that it was not even 6:00am. He bought a ticket and perched on a wall, browsing his messages. He'd hardly read any of his email for days other than the ones from Lucifer. He wondered vaguely how the archangel was sending emails from the Cage. The messages from Gabriel and Dean were still unopened. He flexed his hands. He didn't want to read them, but couldn't drum up the courage to delete them unseen. As he stared at the screen another email from Gabriel showed up, he'd sent it late last night. The subject line said 'Please Sam, talk to me'. He breathed in and clicked on it.

 _I love you. Call me. Please._

 _Gabriel_

He went back to the first message Gabriel had sent since he'd grabbed the _lapsit exillis_ and fled the bunker. The subject line was 'Come home"

 _Sam,_

 _I don't know what happened to you. What Lucifer said to convince you to side with him. All he wants is to be free. Don't help him escape the Cage. If you no longer want me, I'll try and understand, I never wanted you to do anything you didn't want. But Dean is falling apart. Please, Sam. Come home._

 _love_

 _Gabriel_

He continued to read the messages Gabriel had been sending. Most were a variation on the theme of the first one. His eyes watered. _What had he done to Gabriel? The agony he'd inflicted…_ He shook off the thoughts before they threatened to overwhelm him. Dean's messages were worse, mostly incoherent ranting and begging for him to come home.

He couldn't call from a phone and risk being tracked down. But he could use Skype to call Gabriel's cell, that shouldn't be too easy to track. He breathed in and out. _Was he going to do this?_

He opened up the Skype program and dialed his old cellphone number, for the phone he'd left at the bunker. It rang, three times and then Gabriel's voice answered, thick and slurred.

"How'dya get this nummer?" Sam held his breath. "Hey, anyone there?" Gabriel's voice was clearer, Sam must have woken him.

"Sam? Sam is that you?" Sam couldn't breathe. Gabriel's voice was heartbreaking, rough with pain and fear.

'Gabriel." he whispered. The archangel huffed out a breath.

"Sam! Oh, _Sam_. Thank you, Father." Sam could hear the tears that threatened in Gabriel's voice. "Sam, talk to me. Please. Tell me what's happening. Anything." He sucked in a breath.

"It's...hard to explain," he began. "I guess, I had to decide what I wanted. I've spent my life doing things for other people. Dad, Dean, the people we save. I wanted something for me. I thought that something could be you. But it can't. Even if I wanted it to. I understand now. But Lucifer…" He broke off, the soft sobs at the end of the phone breaking his will to continue. "This is what I want, Gabriel. It's my choice."

"Sam, please. No. You think Lucifer will love you, care about you once you let him out of the Cage? Reunited with the _lapsit exillis_ , he'll be unstoppable. Even Michael could not fight him at full power. It took the combined efforts of all of the archangels to help Michael beat him. If you don't want me any more, that's your decision. But don't do this. Come home now, before it's too late." Gabriel drew in a stuttering breath. "Dean and I are barely keeping it together here. Your brother is willing to sacrifice Castiel's love in order to find you and bring you home. Don't do that to him or Cas, not after they just started to find their way towards each other. Sam. I love you. I can't force you to feel the same way about me. But even if you tell me that there's nothing more between us, _please_ , come home."

"I'm sorry, Gabriel. Tell Dean not to do anything stupid. But I'm not coming home." Sam hung up, covered his face with his hands and wept.

* * *

Gabriel stared at the phone in his hand and resisted the urge to throw it out of the window. Dean had yanked the car over to the side of the road when Gabriel had answered the phone and now was staring at him, his eyes hollow and his face drawn.

"That was Sam?" he asked, his voice rusty. Gabriel nodded, unable to speak. His throat was closing and his head was spinning. He sucked air into his lungs and related the conversation to Sam's brother in a halting voice and hiccuped with the effort of holding back tears. Dean swore and then jerked open the car door with an incoherent roar. He stood, leaning against the Impala and breathing hard. After a few moments to master himself he leaned down to look at Gabriel again.

"Where was he calling from?" Gabriel looked at the phone. _Shit_. "His Skype account. I don't know how to trace it from that." Dean shook his head. Maybe someone like Charlie or Frank could have done it but he didn't even know where to start.

"I can ask around, maybe there's somebody out there who knows how to do it." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped out a short message to a couple of buddies who owed him a favor and wouldn't ask too many questions.

The ferry ride was a blur and Sam knew he ought to check into a hotel in his current condition. But he'd killed a cop and he really needed to get the Hell out of Massachusetts. He also needed to ditch the rental car, so he broke into another vehicle parked in a narrow side street and hot-wired it. The drive to St Louis would be long, but he probably couldn't afford to fly again for a while.

But once behind the wheel, he realized he was in no state to drive very far. So he found a no-star motel near Hartford, CT, and paid cash for a room, with a generous tip to ensure he was not disturbed.

* * *

Sam lay on the bed, feeling like a void inside him was growing, sucking in all his emotion and leaving him cold and empty. He felt the bed dip and opened his eyes. Lucifer was sat on the edge, looking down at him with sorrowful eyes.

"You spoke to Gabriel." Lucifer said. He wasn't asking. Sam nodded.

"I...needed to clear the air. Set some things straight. That's all." He looked away.

"You should have told me first." Lucifer said, an edge to his voice that made Sam cringe. "I would have told you it was a bad idea. Now you're all upset." He stroked Sam's head, then trailed his fingers down to Sam's chin. Gripping it tightly Lucifer forced Sam to look him in the eye.

"You're not having second thoughts, are you Sammy?" Lucifer's voice was hard and Sam gulped. _Oh, God. I made him mad._ But Lucifer released his face and gathered Sam into his arms. Sam clutched at him and sobbed, the archangel rocking him and muttering comforting words into his ear.

"He just begged me to leave you and come home. He sounded so broken, Lucifer. I did that. I smashed him to pieces." Lucifer nodded.

"Gabriel's good at sounding heartbroken when it suits him, Sam," he soothed. "But he'll survive and move on. He survived the loss of Judas. He'll survive the end of your relationship too. I promise." Sam stiffened.

"Judas. You took him away from Gabriel as well." Lucifer rubbed one hand down Sam's back.

"I may have put additional options on the table," he admitted. "But Judas made his own decisions. As did you. Talk to the _lapsit exillis_ , Sam. It will help you see the truth, make things clearer. You made the right decision, you'll see."

Once Lucifer had pacified him, and left him to sleep, Sam pulled out the ebony chest. His lover was right, talking to the stone always made things clearer. He opened the lid and took a deep breath at the sense of contentment that washed over him. He picked up the _lapsit exillis_ and cradled it in his hands. It pulsed in his hands and his senses prickled with expectation. He stared down at the stone, whispering his fears and misgivings to it, and relaxing as it gently assuaged his worries. Arousal flooded his senses, heat pooled in his stomach and he began to breathe harder. Of course, he just needed to feed that urge, the one that beat at his throat and thrilled up his spine. A little blood spilled, and he would feel so much better.

He tucked the _lapsit exillis_ away in his pocket. This late, in a small place like this he'd have to be careful. He crept out of the hotel room and down the fire exit. A young woman, small and pretty though not a head turner, was outside smoking. She was probably one of the housekeeping staff by her uniform. He flashed a charming smile at her.

"Guess I'm not the only one with a bad habit," he said with a twinkle. She blushed and offered him a cigarette. He accepted and stepped closer to let her light it. When she was within striking distance, his hands shot out, covering her mouth and forcing her backwards against the wall. She struggled but she was so tiny Sam could easily hold both her wrists in one hand. Her eyes were wide and she was swallowing in terror. Sam cast a quick look around. There were no cameras back here and the place was deserted. He grinned at her and drank in her look of horror when he produced his silver knife. One quick slice across her throat and she quickly bled out. Sam took his time to enjoy the feeling of the warm, slick blood on his skin. His arousal beat at him, but this location was too exposed to stay here for long. He wiped the blood from his hands onto her uniform and pulled the _lapsit exillis_ from his pocket. The stone greedily absorbed her soul while he found a couple of garbage bags nearby, emptied their contents into the dumpster and then carefully wrapped her body up in the plastic. Sam fished in her purse for her keys and used the fob to locate her car, which thankfully was parked nearby. He dumped her body and her purse into the trunk of the battered looking Saturn, then returned to his room. All the pain and confusion had been washed away with the woman's blood, but his arousal was still a fierce thing, scratching at his insides. He'd dragged himself into the shower and groaned with pleasure at the wonderfully hot water and incredible water pressure.

"Well, you seem to be enjoying yourself," Lucifer growled into his ear from behind him. Sam attempted to turn around to face his lover, but Lucifer held him firmly in place, licking and nibbling at the skin on the back of his neck. Sam quivered, bracing his hands against the cool tile of the shower stall. The contrasts of the enticing coolness of Lucifer, the thrumming hot water and the cold ceramic under his hands made him wheeze and shiver. Lucifer slid one hand across his stomach and pressed his body against Sam's. Sam could feel every inch of him, hard against his skin and he whimpered.

"Please," he begged. "Lucifer, please!" He felt the archangel smile against his neck.

"You know I love it when you beg, Sammy." Lucifer told him. He pressed Sam forward so that he was flush against the tile, and his hands glided to Sam's hips. "Beg for me, Sam." He whispered. Sam huffed out a breath of anticipation, and licked his lips.

"Please," he shuddered. "You know what I need. Give it to me. Please." Lucifer shifted slightly and Sam gasped.

"You want _this_ , don't you Sammy?" Lucifer purred, nipping at his ear. Sam's eyes rolled back in his head.

"Yes, yes. Want it. Need it." He choked on a sob of desire and emotion. "Love it. Love you."


	5. Chapter 5

Byron Li lived in a double-wide trailer, just outside St. Louis. The trailer was old but well-kept and carefully marked with protective sigils and runes, talismans hung from the walls and the steps up to the door were heavily layered in salt. Byron opened the door, his favorite pistol in his hand and his face set into a look of outrage.

"Sam Winchester. Get the fuck off my property," he barked. Sam stepped back in surprise.

"Byron, uhh... " he stammered. He heard the click of the safety on Byron's pistol. "You're gonna shoot me?"

"I should." Byron snarled. "I spoke to your brother last night. So I know why you're here. And I'm not going to lift a finger to help you. In fact, I already texted Dean to let him know where you are. I can't keep you here, but he'll find you." Sam gritted his teeth in frustration. _Dammit, how had Dean worked out what he was up to?_

"Dean's got this all wrong," Sam pleaded with the surly hunter. "He doesn't understand what's going on here, that's all." Byron clicked the safety back on his gun but kept it firmly pointed at Sam.

"Seems simple from where I'm standing. You're trying to spring Lucifer from his Cage, God only knows why. Dean's trying to stop you. What's to understand?"

"Did Dean tell you everything? About the Darkness escaping? Lucifer is the only one who can stop her. So, call this better the devil you know. Literally." Byron's face shaded with doubt.

"He didn't say anything about that." _Got you,_ Sam thought.

"Well, it's the truth. Dean's just so hung up on Lucifer he can't see the bigger picture here. The Darkness can destroy all of creation, all of it. She's unbelievably powerful. So what choice do we have?" The gun barrel wavered and then dropped. Byron stepped back and gestured Sam inside.

"I'm not saying I believe you. Not yet. But I didn't last this long in this game by being unwilling to listen."

Byron leaned back, slurping his coffee in a way that made Sam want to hurl. His hands itched with the desire to slit his throat but he forced himself to sit and explain as much as he and Dean had gathered about the Darkness.

"So, now you understand as much as we do about the nature of the threat. Which is not much, I'll grant you. Lucifer can stop her, but not from inside the Cage. I understand your reservations about releasing him. But I promise, he has no desire to restart the Apocalypse. He never wanted it in the first place, it was all Michael and the other angels."

"You know that for a fact do you?" Byron said skeptically. _Fuck, he was going to gut this fucker like a pig._ Sam counted to ten.

"I was his vessel, Byron. Trust me, Lucifer can't lie to me." Sam told him. _Is that really true,_ a treacherous voice whispered. _Shut up._ Byron sat silently, turning everything Sam had told him over in his mind. He'd never liked the younger Winchester, and had advised John to put a bullet in the kid more than once. But he was smart and a capable hunter, and Dean was a bit of a hot-head, so everything Sam had told him did ring true. Letting Lucifer out of the Cage did sound insane, but now he knew why Sam was doing it, he wasn't sure what he would do in the same position.

"OK. Fine. I'll tell you where the key is." He tore off a corner of the newspaper on the table in front of him and jotted down some numbers. "These are GPS coordinates. Dig at this exact spot, and you'll find the key." He swallowed. "I'm gonna tell Dean you beat it out of me." Sam smiled at him.

"That won't be necessary." He pulled out his silver blade and relished the look of fear on Byron's face.

* * *

The GPS co-ordinates seemed to be a location in the middle of a nature preserve in Illinois, not far from St Louis. Sam drove the car to the edge of Stemler Cave Woods Nature Preserve and found somewhere to park. It was a few miles hike into the forest to find the exact location where he needed to dig. It took about two hours to find the right place, and the ground was hard and dry because there'd been unusually little rain for the past few weeks. Sam was hot and sweating by the time he'd managed to dig down to the plastic-wrapped cigar box Dean had buried here. He opened it with trembling fingers. There was a safe-deposit box key and a note.

 _Sam, if this is you, I hope you have a good reason for digging up this key._

Sam's breath caught, how had Dean known to write that note to him? _Dammit, he hadn't known, it was just another sign of his brother's distrust._ A rustling sound brought his head up and he blinked to see Lucifer leaning nonchalantly against a tree. He smiled and opened his arms and Sam gladly stepping into his embrace.

"You have the key?" Lucifer asked. Sam nodded and buried his nose into the archangel's neck, steadily inhaling his cool, delicious scent. Lucifer groaned and then flipped them around so Sam was pressed against the tree and pinned his hands above his head. Sam let his head drop and surrendered to the feeling of Lucifer sucking and biting his way down his neck and the insistent pressure of the archangel's body against his. Graceful fingers unfastened his jeans and slid inside to drag gasps and moans from Sam's throat.

"I don't have much time," Lucifer whispered against his skin. "But let me give you this." His clever hands worked Sam into a quivering, begging puddle of need until Sam could no longer tell where he ended and Lucifer began. He threw back his head and the archangel crushed their mouths together, swallowing his cry of release.

"Until next time, my love," Lucifer purred, and then he was gone. Sam looked around, his legs still shaking. The woods were absent the presence of any other people, but it probably wasn't smart to hang around like this. He looked down at himself and sighed. He'd have to clean up somehow before he fastened his pants.

* * *

Dean's phone buzzed and the car swerved slightly as he struggled to release it from his pocket. He manipulated it with one hand then swore and tossed it to a half-dozing Gabriel. The archangel looked down at the screen.

 _Sam's here. BL_

"BL?" Gabriel asked sleepily.

"Byron Li, the hunter from St Louis who helped me bury one of the safe-deposit keys." Gabriel sat up.

"Sam's in St Louis?" Dean nodded. "How far is it from here?"

"About six hours." Dean gripped the steering wheel hard. "I want to go after Sam. I do. But even if we find him, then what? You're still out of mojo and I… I don't know what to say to him Gabriel, to make him see reason. Sam doesn't listen to me, never has. He ain't startin' now." Gabriel drooped in his seat and leaned his head against the window.

"Even if he normally would listen to you, the effect of the _lapsit exillis_ is probably too strong. If it weren't we wouldn't be here in the first place. I hate no-win situations. But-" the archangel trailed off.

"You still wanna try?" Dean relented. "Look, we're no more than an hour from Martin's. Let's stick to the plan and work this stupid spell. Then when we know where Cas is, I can go get him and you can go after Sam." It went against every fiber of his being, but going after Sam like this was pointless. Dean supposed it was touching that Gabriel wanted to try anyway. But he was losing his ability to feel those kinds of things. His days were filled with rage and determination, his nights were given to despair and desperation. Even the thought of giving up Cas' love was losing the power to hurt him. He'd felt like this once before, this internal void that swallowed everything but bitter rage and black hate. It had almost convinced him to give in to Michael. He'd pulled back from the brink, sure, because of Sam no less. But in doing so, he'd actually thrown Sam to the wolves. If he'd said yes to Michael, and they'd battled Lucifer while he was still in the weak imperfect vessel of Nick, maybe Sam would be free now. Dean would likely be dead, but he considered that a small price to pay.

"Michael!" he gasped suddenly. Gabriel jumped, and whirled around to face him.

"What about him? He's in the Cage, he can't help us." Gabriel said sharply.

"What if Michael was my visitor? Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a dick. But he must know something about what's going on with Lucifer. If we spring him, he could help us." Gabriel looked at him like he'd lost his mind. _Perhaps he had._

"Oh sure. And light the candle of the Apocalypse once more. Stellar idea." Gabriel snarled. Dean blew out a breath. _Shit. Good point._

"Fine. Let's just go with plan A. We'll figure out what to do when we know where Cas is." Dean said. Gabriel grunted in assent.

* * *

Martin did not look terribly surprised to see them. He ushered them back into his small office and then faced them, his arms crossed.

"So, uh. I've thought about it and...OK. I'll agree to your terms. If it's the only way we find Cas and get Sam back, I guess I've got no choice." Martin smirked at him, and a worm of discomfort coiled in Dean's gut. It felt as if the old hunter was enjoying his suffering. "So, how do we do this?"

"It's a fairly complex spell," Martin told them. "But I have almost everything I need, except for one item."

"What is it?" Dean said sourly. Martin gave him a searching look. "We need a token of your sacrifice. Something that represents what you're giving up." Dean looked at him in consternation.

"Like what?" The old hunter shrugged. "It needs to be something that perhaps Castiel owned, or something he gave you. The item won't be damaged by the spell, it's symbolic, that's all."

"The only thing I've got is his cellphone," Dean muttered. Martin shook his head.

"No, that's probably too impersonal. Unless you gave it to him as a gift." Dean nodded.

"Yeah, I did actually. It was the first thing I ever gave him in fact. I've tried to convince him to upgrade to a better model, but he just tells me he likes this one." He pulled the phone out of his pocket, and swallowed a needle-sharp stab of pain in his throat. Martin looked delighted.

"Then I take it back. Such a strong, sentimental attachment will work perfectly." Gabriel shifted into a fighting stance.

"Try not to look like you're taking so much pleasure from this, old man," Gabriel growled. Dean made a quelling gesture.

"It's fine, Gabriel. It doesn't matter." His voice was hollow. Gabriel wanted to hurt someone, break something, scream aloud and beg for mercy. He remained silent.

Martin shuffled around the office, pulling out herbs, incense, a number of small items that appeared to be animal bones, a brass bowl and chalk. He sketched out a runic circle, placed the bowl in the center and added the herbs and the incense. He took the phone from Dean and tucked it under the bowl, and then began to chant. After a moment, he lit a match and dropped it into the bowl. A smoky haze began to appear and Dean watched as shapes curled and twined within it. He felt a strange sensation in the back of his head, a crushing ache that made it hard to concentrate. The chant became strangely layered, as if Martin were speaking in two voices and then he tossed the animal bones into the bowl. There was a flash and a vision began to appear against the smoky backdrop. Dean bit the inside of his cheek, it was Cas, lying in a hospital bed hooked up to various machines. He was just about to complain that this was hardly helpful when the vision began to shift, until it was outside the hospital, the sign clearly the smoke began to dissipate and the vision faded, and Dean gasped for breath.

"Well?" Gabriel demanded impatiently. Dean turned to look at him.

"You didn't see it?" The archangel shook his head. "University of Washington Medical Center. He's in Seattle." Dean looked back at Martin. "He looks in pretty bad shape. I don't suppose you can tell us how we can wake him up."

"Sorry, boy. I've done all I can." Martin shoved a plastic cup of Irish whiskey at Dean. "Except for this." Dean downed it in one swallow.

"OK. Let's go." Dean got up to leave and Gabriel cast a sallow glance at Martin.

"Give us a moment," he told Dean. The older Winchester cast him a strange glance and then left.

"If I have something of value, what will you give me for it?" Martin looked at him curiously.

"Are you sure you want to sell that?"

* * *

Sam didn't want to hang around in St Louis. They'd find Byron's body sooner or later, and if Byron really had texted Dean, no doubt his brother was on his way here. The question was, where to go. He still needed one more key. But that didn't mean he couldn't start retrieving the rings. After all, this key he just dug up was one of his. The safe-deposit box it matched was in a bank in the Houston suburbs. It was a thirteen hour drive, but Sam figured he could drive halfway at least before stopping for the night. His route was going to take him awfully close to the bunker, which meant he could accidentally stumble across Dean and Gabriel. It was a chance he was going to have to take.

When he got close enough to the bunker, it was very tempting to turn off and head for home. _No, not home. Not now. Not ever again, most likely._ Sam gritted his teeth and rubbed at a spot on his chest which was aching. _God, he wanted to see Gabriel so bad, it was a physical pain._ He dragged in a shuddering breath. The pain was so terrible, he had to pull over, his head spinning.

 _Gabriel. Oh God, Gabriel. I'm sorry. You must be so disappointed in me. I love you. But I have to do this._ He felt a strange pulsing sensation under his hand and lifted his shirt in astonishment. The mark of the Grace anchor had turned black. He stared at it in horror. What did this mean? Was Gabriel in trouble?

He fumbled for his phone and punched in his old number. It rang once, twice and then Gabriel's voice answered.

"Hello?" His voice sounded old and scratchy, like a vinyl record played too many times. Sam swallowed.

"Hey, uh, Gabriel."

"Sam." Gabriel said leadenly. _Fuck, why had he done this?_ He went to hang up. "Shit, Sam. Don't hang up. I'm here. Talk to me."

"Gabriel. I- I felt this strange feeling. Like I was having a heart attack. The Grace anchor mark has turned black. What's going on?"

"Ah. I wondered when you would notice." Gabriel replied dismally. "It's reacting to the the dying bond."

"The bond is dying?" Sam said stupidly. The pain in his chest was getting worse.

"Of course. What did you think would happen?" The agony in Gabriel's voice was almost too much to bear.

"I-I don't want it to die, Gabriel." Sam struggled to breathe, spots appearing in front of his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sam." Sam couldn't hold back the tears.

"It hurts so bad." he sobbed."Is this what you want?"

"No, Sam." Gabriel sounded so tired. "But I can't do anything about it. I'm not the one killing it."

"You're saying I'm doing this?" Sam choked.

"Yes." Gabriel said simply.

"Is it hurting you too?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"I want to die," Gabriel responded, his voice fainter.

"No! Gabriel, you can't!" Sam cried. "Please, you have to tell me what to do!" There was a clatter and a strange thump at the end of the phone. "Gabriel!"

"Sam! Is that you?" Dean's voice, squeaky with panic and slightly echoey. His brother must have put him on speaker.

"Dean! What's happened to Gabriel?" He could hear shuffling and Dean grunting.

"He's passed out. What's going on, Sam?" Sam leaned his head on the steering wheel.

"I called because I thought I was having a heart attack. My Grace anchor mark has turned black. Gabriel said our bond was dying." Sam was breathless, racing through his explanation. "Dean, I'm sorry. I can't-"

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" Dean said, his voice harsh. Sam swallowed past a lump in his throat.

"What do you mean?" he asked shakily.

"Gabriel's in really bad shape. We can't recharge his angel mojo and I can't get him to even take basic care of himself anymore. Cas is dying. I've just had to give up something I just realized I can't live without just to find him. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same again. So tell me again how you're _sorry_!" Dean spat. The phone went dead.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam wept. His body was shaking and his throat hurt. His chest hurt. His head hurt. Everything hurt.

"Sam." Lucifer's voice was gentle and just a little reproachful.

"I can't do this, Lucifer. It hurts, oh God it hurts." Sam drew in several heaving breaths.

"You knew this wasn't going to be easy," the archangel reminded him. Sam looked up, his face ravaged.

"That's all you've got to say?" he cried, appalled. "I feel like I'm dying." Lucifer shook his head.

"You won't die. I warned you that bonding was a cage. Breaking a bond, even an unfinished one like yours with Gabriel, is painful and difficult. But you _will_ survive." Lucifer said, his tone soft and sad. He stroked Sam's hair, then gripped a handful of it tightly and wrenched his head back sharply. Sam gasped. "You're committed to this now, Sam. You can't back out."

"I'm not, I just...I'm having a hard time right now that's all." Sam managed. "Please, don't be angry with me." Lucifer released him and transported them into the backseat so he could pull him into his arms.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's Gabriel's. I'm angry with him, I shouldn't take it out on you." He lifted Sam's chin and kissed him softly. Sam let the archangel comfort him, feeling his pain ease and his distress recede. Lucifer gently deepened the kiss, but kept it sensual and undemanding.

"I would do anything for you, Sammy. But there's nothing I can do to ease this pain. All I can do is tell you that once the bond is broken, you will feel better," the archangel told him.

"I still love him, Lucifer." Sam confessed brokenly.

"I know. It's OK. That too will fade, in time."

* * *

Dean stared at Sam's phone, lying abandoned on the motel room floor where he'd thrown it. It was probably broken. Just like Gabriel. And him. Dean looked at the archangel, who was lying on his side with his back to him. His shoulders heaved, and occasional sobs escaped. Dean ached for him, an unaccustomed feeling but he wasn't made of stone. Sam's defection was still a bloody, ragged wound inside him too. And this uncertain feeling, that he'd just sacrificed a chance at love and happiness on the altar of his brother yet again left a hollow feeling in his throat. But he would deal. At least he and Cas had not explored too far down this road. It had to be far worse for Gabriel.

"Hey, uh. Do you still want to come with me to Seattle? I could drop you off at the bunker if you want," Dean said hesitantly. Gabriel rolled over, and Dean gulped at the expression on his face.

"If you like. I don't care." he said tonelessly. Dean swallowed, his throat closing. He suddenly had the feeling that leaving Gabriel on his own might be a really, _really_ bad idea.

"No, man. I'd rather have you with me." Dean replied.

"Whatever," Gabriel said and rolled away. _Fuck. What the Hell was he supposed to do? This touchy feely shit was Sam's area not his._

"Gabriel. Uh. I'm sorry, man. We'll fix this. I swear. We're gonna get Sammy back."

He threw back the last of his beer and turned off the light. Maybe things would look better in the morning. But he didn't hold out much hope.

* * *

Sam finally pulled himself together enough to get back behind the wheel and continue his journey to Texas. He turned the radio up loud, to drown out his thoughts and the clenching ache in his chest. It was late, and there was little traffic and Sam began to drowse as he drove, mile after mile. He narrowly missed running headlong into the median and realized that he really ought to find somewhere to pull over and catch a few hours sleep. He noticed a truck stop advertised on a sign. Two miles. He could manage that.

Having parked up and climbed into the back seat to sleep, Sam found he couldn't settle. He turned to the question of how he was going to find the location of the final key and the safe-deposit boxes rented by Dean. His brother could be quite predictable, but even so he couldn't come up with a short enough list that he could practically search. He would like to convince Dean that he was doing the right thing, but so far his brother did not seem to be any more willing to listen than usual. And Gabriel was still so hurt by him leaving, by him choosing Lucifer over him, that he was not going to be convinced no matter what Sam said.

He was startled by a tap at the window. Sam sat up and wound the window down, and stared in astonishment into the faded blue eyes of Martin Delaval.

"Well, boy, you've got yourself in a pickle and no mistake." Martin told him sternly. He pulled himself up to sit on the hood of the car, his feet dangling. Sam leaned against the fender.

"What did Dean tell you?" he asked acidly.

"He told me enough. You've thrown your lot in with the devil. Him and the archangel Gabriel, of all people, are trying to stop whatever it is you're doing. So why don't you tell me your side of the story?" the old hunter growled.

"Look, Lucifer can stop the Darkness. He's probably the only one who can. I'm helping him get free so he can do that. I know that probably won't make much sense to you, but I know what I'm doing." Sam explained. Martin looked at him, his mouth twisting as though he tasted something unpleasant.

"Lucifer's a tricksy one, that's for sure. He probably can beat the Darkness. But at what cost Sam? Have you considered that?" Martin looked at him closely.

"Of course I have," Sam said wearily."But it's a price I'm willing to pay."

"Really." Martin said, his tone disapproving. "And what about the price your brother has had to pay? Or Gabriel?"

"I don't know what you mean," Sam said sullenly. Martin poked him with his cane.

"Sure you do. You're breaking the bond you were forming with the archangel. It's killing him, spiritually if not physically. And Dean? He just killed Castiel's love, a love it has taken seven years for either of them to even acknowledge, to power a spell that would help him stop you. So have you really thought what you're doing?" Sam gagged on a bubble of stomach acid that pushed up into his throat. His shoulders slumped.

"This is already so hard, why are you trying to make it worse?" Sam cried.

"Because you're being stupid, boy!" Martin yelled. "You think Lucifer gives a damn about any of this?"

"He loves me…" Sam muttered. Martin hit him with the cane again.

"Bah! So what? Gabriel loves you, and unlike Lucifer, he actually knows what that means. The devil is the devil for a reason, you moron!" Sam was reminded once again of Bobby. _Except Bobby would be calling me an idjit right now, not a moron._ Sam tried to change the subject.

"What did you mean about Dean and Cas anyway?"

"When you banished that angel, he got hurt, bad. So bad, he's in a coma. Gabriel tried to recharge his Grace, but for some reason it didn't work. So the only option they had to find the angel was a spell for which Dean had to sacrifice Castiel's love for him." Martin was really angry, Sam realized. But as the old hunter's words sunk in, he drew in a sudden breath.

"He sacrificed Cas' love? I don't understand"

"What does it sound like? The spell needed a sacrifice to power it, a serious sacrifice. The death of Castiel's love for Dean the only thing sufficient. It worked, they've found him, though whether it will make any difference remains to be seen. So, Sam, tell me. How does it feel to have your brother sacrifice his happiness to try and save you from doing something stupid, again?"

"I didn't ask him to do that!" Sam cried. "I would never have asked him to do that."

"And yet, you left him no choice," Martin said severely. "Think about what I've said, Sam. You can still get out. But soon it will be too late." Sam shook his head.

"No. I've made my choice. I'm sorry about Gabriel, about Dean and Cas. But this is the only way."

* * *

Dean strode up to the desk and flashed the nurse a winning smile. She smiled back, looking slightly harassed.

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked.

"I called earlier, you have a John Doe here in a coma who matches the description of my partner." Dean told her. Her smile faltered.

"Partner?"

"Uh, business partner. His name's Jimmy Novak, he uh, he disappeared about two weeks ago. He left his wallet behind." Dean waved the wallet he'd put together with Cas' fake drivers license and a few credit cards from his own wallet. Hopefully she wouldn't inspect it too closely. "This is his brother, Gabe." Gabriel nodded sluggishly at her. The nurse's smile brightened again.

"Oh, right. Well, let's see if our guy is your missing Jimmy shall we?" Dean handed over the wallet. She took one look at the driver's license and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. That's him all right," she hesitated. "I'm afraid your friend's not in very good shape. And his bills are considerable." Dean's mouth twitched.

"Can we see him? We can talk about the bill later." He gave her a pleading look.

"Sure. He's this way." She led them down the corridor.

Cas was lying in a hospital bed, connected to so many machines it barely seemed possible. There was a breathing tube in his mouth. He'd never seen the angel look so vulnerable. He looked at the nurse.

"He can't even breathe on his own?" he asked, alarmed. She shook her head. "Is he-" Dean broke off, unable to voice his fear.

"Brain dead? No, we don't think so. He's still generating brainwave activity. I can have Dr. Brooks come and talk to you when she comes on her rounds."

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." Dean gave her a grateful smile. "What happened to him?" She looked uncertainly at him and the silent Gabriel.

"He was hit by a car on Interstate 5, not far from here. I thought maybe he was walking along the shoulder, like if his car broke down or something. But the fact he had no wallet or keys on him meant the police couldn't figure much out. He's had a very serious knock to the head, he's got three broken ribs, a broken ankle and a compound fracture to the left femur."

"Ouch." Dean winced. Gabriel shuffled closer and laid a hand on Cas' head.

"You're from Kansas?" Dean nodded. "Do you know why he would come to Seattle?"

"No. It's why it's taken us so long to find him." Dean explained.

"OK. Well, why don't I leave you with him for a few minutes? Talk to him, he can probably still hear you. My name's Mandy, if you need something you know where to find me." Mandy slipped out of the room. Dean looked at Cas, a lump in his throat. _Oh, God._

"His Grace is virtually gone," Gabriel said quietly. "If we don't replenish it, it will likely take him months to awaken. If he ever does. The brain damage is considerable." Dean swallowed.

"How do we do that? We haven't had much luck with you if you recall." He rubbed one hand over his face. Gabriel looked uncomfortable and Dean's instincts tugged at him.

"What is it?" he asked acidly. Gabriel fidgeted, not meeting Dean's eyes.

"There's a way. But you're not going to like what I have to tell you," the archangel said.

"I don't care. Tell me anyway." Dean growled. Gabriel inhaled sharply.

"Do you remember how I originally tried to recharge my Grace?" Dean's head creased in thought.

"When you first woke up? Uh, something to do with that Grace anchor you forced on my brother." Dean's voice was taut with strain. Gabriel grimaced, this was _not_ going to go down well.

"Yes. The anchor can work as a conduit to Heaven, allowing an angel to pull Grace through it when other avenues are blocked." Dean's shoulders rolled, and Gabriel tensed.

"But Sam's not here, so how does that help us? And didn't it hurt like Hell?" the older Winchester barked.

"The anchor in Sam is mine. Only I can use it. And it's not supposed to hurt, I think that something has been done to me that blocks the conduit, just as it blocked me from getting recharged in Heaven." Dean raked a hand through his hair and paced away from the bed.

"So, this helps us how exactly?" he demanded. Gabriel hesitated and Dean glared at him.

"We have to use Cas' anchor as a conduit. We top up his Grace, and then he will heal." Gabriel watched Dean carefully, waiting for the moment the penny would drop.

"Cas' placed an anchor in someone?" the hunter asked, astonishment and hurt warring for dominance in his voice. "Who was it? Do you know?" Gabriel stayed silent, as the cogs turned in Dean's mind. He went white. "You're not saying-"

"Yes." Gabriel said softly. "It's you." Dean staggered, reaching blindly behind him for support. His began to hyperventilate and his pupils dilated. He was going into shock, Gabriel realized. The archangel stepped forward and guided Dean into a chair.

"Put your head between your legs and breathe." Gabriel advised. "Just breathe, nice and slow." Dean complied and after a few moments his breathing began to return to normal.

"How long have you known?" the hunter asked shakily. Gabriel regarded him solemnly.

"I was checking up on Sam, some time after you came back from Hell. You'd just met the prophet, Chuck Shurley." Dean's eyes looked a little wild.

"So how come I don't have a mark, like Sam?" Gabriel gave him a strange look.

"You do. It's on the back of your head, under your hairline. Hard to spot, I'll admit." Dean's hand unconsciously felt the back of his skull.

"Why'd he do it, Gabriel? And why didn't he tell me?" Dean's gaze returned to the comatose angel on the bed. Gabriel shrugged.

"I don't know. I never asked him. But it was how I got the idea to do the same to Sam, once Castiel had carved those Enochian symbols on your ribs and I could no longer keep track of him." Dean was shivering and Gabriel wondered what was going through his mind. "Are you OK? Don't stroke out on me, Dean."

"Was any of it real?" the hunter whispered. Gabriel stared at him, perplexed.

"Was what real?" the archangel asked, alarm digging tiny nails into his skin.

"Cas...and me. Was it all just this stupid anchor?" _Oh. Shit._

"You'd really have to ask Castiel," Gabriel hedged. Dean swallowed. "Except of course, you can't. _Fuck."_ Dean rallied and squared his shoulders.

"OK, tell me how we do this." Gabriel bit his lip uneasily.

"It's not hard, we just place Castiel's hand on the mark. Instinct will do the rest." Dean dragged the chair close to the bed and Gabriel lifted Castiel's hand and then stopped. "You're going to have to lean forward, these tubes are restricting his movement quite a lot." Dean gulped and pulled the chair as close as he could get, then leaned forward until his head was lying on the bed. Gabriel placed his brother's hand on the back of Dean's head. The effect was startling. Dean went rigid, and Castiel made a gurgling sound. Gabriel could feel the conduit vibrating from his contact with his brother's hand. Castiel's eyes flew open and Gabriel let go. He leaned over and pressed Castiel's chest.

"Let me take this out for you, bro." he said, relieved. He removed the breathing tube, and then jumped when the machine began to wail out an alarm. Dean reached out and silenced it, but it was too late. Mandy opened the door, looking ready for action.

"What the-" she exclaimed. Gabriel gave her a brilliant smile.

"My brother woke up!" he said. Mandy nodded, uncomprehending. She looked at Castiel.

"Jimmy?" She asked. Castiel tilted his head to one side in a familiar way that made Dean's chest hurt.

"I'm not-" Gabriel squeezed his hand in warning. "Uh. I mean, what?"

"Just stay there, don't move. I'm going to call Dr. Brooks." the nurse stuttered and dashed out of the room.

"We need to get out of here, pronto." Dean said, his voice strangled. Cas tugged the tubes and wires out and stood up. He looked down at the hospital gown he was wearing with a grimace and shuffled into the bathroom. When he re-emerged, he was dressed in his usual outfit and Dean had to swallow past a lump in his throat. He gave the angel a watery grin and then indicated the door with a nod of his head.

"Let's move."


	7. Chapter 7

Sam frowned at the list he had compiled of all the hunters he and Dean knew. Since Dean had tapped up the help of another hunter to hide the first key, it seemed likely he had done so for the other. He crossed a few off the list as having died before they hid the keys. He just had to hope that if someone did help Dean hide the key, they were still alive. The list was still way too long to check out in person. And Sam was sure, whoever Dean had contacted to help him, his brother would certainly have warned them against him, the way he had warned Byron. He was struck by a memory, of when he was soulless. Dean had enlisted Death's help to pull his soul out of the cage and restore it to his body. But Dean had buried the ring in Bobby's yard. Could he have buried the key there? It was worth checking out. But for now, he was headed to Houston.

Sam didn't remember Houston very well and it took him some time to get his bearings. But finally he found the bank where he'd stored War's ring. The bank manager was obliging if a little too nosy, but Sam retrieved the ring without incident.

He considered his next move. The drive to Sioux Falls was over a thousand miles and Sam was seriously tired of driving. He had no idea how Dean did this, but the only alternative was to fly and after Massachussetts, Sam was wary of flying. He needed to swap cars anyway, and maybe he'd try and find something a bit more comfortable than the old Chevy Nova he'd stolen in Hartford.

He stuck lucky in the donut shop he stopped at for breakfast, a distracted looking man in a cheap suit left his rental car keys on the counter. Since the key fob gave the make, model and tag number it was trivial to locate the car, a late-model Jeep Cherokee, and drive it away.

* * *

Tearing out of the hospital parking lot, Dean concentrated on driving and not the pulsing joy he felt at seeing Cas, fully healed and back to normal. _Except for one thing that was now missing._ Dean had expected to see it, some evidence of how the angel's feelings towards him had changed. _You didn't notice he was in love with you for all this time, why would you suddenly notice now it's gone?_ That voice sounded like Sam. Dean choked, suddenly and Cas looked up, concerned.

"Dean, are you all right?" he asked. Dean nodded, his eyes tearing up.

"Sorry, man. Just a frog in my throat." Cas gave him a curious glance but did not press the matter. Gabriel leaned forward and patted Cas' shoulder.

"How are you feeling, little brother?" he asked, smoothing past the slight awkwardness. Dean squashed down the surge of gratitude he felt.

"I'm fine," Cas said uncertainly. "Physically, I'm fine. But there seem to be some strange gaps in my memory, some things I can't quite explain." Dean tensed and Cas couldn't help but notice. "What is it?"

"Do you remember how you ended up here?" Dean asked. The angel's forehead creased.

"I was in the kitchen, and Sam-" Cas broke off. "He banished me?"

"Yeah," Dean replied. "Sam's… gone, Cas." The angel stared at him.

"I knew it. The _lapsit exillis_ did this, didn't it?" Cas hissed. Dean blinked in surprise.

"We think so," Gabriel said softly. Cas turned to face him.

"Gabriel, I'm sorry." Castiel's sorrow was profound. Gabriel waved him off.

"I should have listened to you," the archangel told him. "I let my affection for Sam blind me to what was going on."

"So, uh, you said you had gaps in your memory," Dean said suddenly. _Fucking Hell, why was he poking at this like a rotten tooth?_ "What kind of gaps?" He could feel Gabriel bristle behind him.

"It's odd," Cas reflected. "There doesn't seem to be any logic to it. I can tell there are all these gaps, even some whole days missing, because the memories that are left are so disjointed. But I can't make any sense of it."

"Well, you did have a nasty knock to the head," Dean offered lamely. _He's an angel, he's not gonna get amnesia from a bump on the head!_

"Perhaps," the angel replied contemplatively.

* * *

Sam pulled into the parking lot of a dingy looking motel. It was even worse quality than the cheap motels he and Dean normally stayed in. But the crappier the motel, the fewer questions they asked. However, when he walked into the lobby, an underfed woman with straw-like blonde hair was watching the TV which was describing a nationwide manhunt for a sadistic serial killer. _Him_. The description was vague enough and the eyewitness sketch bad enough that he wasn't immediately recognizable, but his height was a red flag. _Fuck._ As soon as she looked up, the receptionist gasped. He gave her a menacing look and she shrank back.

"I'm sorry, we're all full," she stammered.

"Your sign says you have vacancies," Sam growled.

"It does? Oh, uh. Well, I just rented the last room. I was just going to change the sign when you came in." Sam could smell her lies and her distress. Her eyes slid to the cellphone on the check-in desk and Sam realized he was out of options. As soon as he made the decision to kill her, the warm glow of the _lapsit exillis_ flared in his mind. He grinned at the terrified woman and reached out, dragging her up and over the desk like she weighed almost nothing. He clamped a hand over her mouth and whispered to her.

"No singing. We don't want to wake anyone, do we?" She struggled and he twisted her arm, relishing the feeling of the bones snapping. Tumbled straight into outright panic, she bucked in his arms and her foot connected with his shin. Swearing, he pinched at a nerve in her neck and smiled as he felt her go limp. The emerald pulsed in his pocket. He looked around and then dragged her body into the office behind the desk. His breathing stuttered as he pulled the knife from his belt, arousal and savageness beating steadily in his veins. He took his time, carving his pain and frustration out of her flesh. She had awoken when he started cutting, and her terror made him feel like a God. When she finally died, sobbing and begging for mercy, he'd almost climaxed just from the sheer pleasure of listening to her incoherent cries. Blood coated every surface, and Sam was drenched in it. He felt incredible, like electricity was flowing in his veins, like he could level mountains and drain the seas. He fumbled at the fastenings to his pants, and thrust his hands in roughly. The kill had driven him so close to the edge, it didn't take much before he was shouting out his release. He sank back, drained and euphoric. It wouldn't be long now before the kill alone would be enough to push him to completion. He smiled, at peace for the first time in days. He pulled the _lapsit exillis_ from his pocket, where it lived most of the time now, and let it feed on her soul.

Sam considered whether he would try and clean up, but on balance it seemed smarter to make a quick getaway. He'd spent too much time here already. As he opened the door to the office, he recoiled when he saw the state trooper standing waiting at the check-in desk. _Fuck, not again._ The cop's eyes widened at the sight of a blood-soaked Sam, and immediately went for his weapon. Sam, still riding the high of his kill, was now almost preternaturally fast and his blade slashed across the unfortunate policeman's throat before he got halfway to his gun. Blood gushed and Sam thrust himself forward, his face doused in the spray. Even though he'd only just climaxed moments before in the aftermath of the woman's death, the power of this second kill tipped him over the edge again and he threw his head back with the force of it. It drove him to his knees and he stayed there, gasping, overwhelmed with sensation.

When he finally came back to himself, he stumbled out into the parking lot and fumbled his keys trying to unlock the car. He shoved the car roughly into drive and roared out of the lot.

* * *

When Dean felt his eyelids starting to droop, he suggested that they stop for the night. The two angels were in agreement. While Dean checked them into a motel, Castiel became aware of his brother's scrutiny.

"Is something the matter, Gabriel?" he asked. When the archangel didn't answer, he twisted around to look him in the eye. "I understand recent events with Sam have been very difficult for you, but I get the impression you have something to say to me."

"Dean knows about the Grace anchor," Gabriel told him. Castiel looked at him in horror. "How else do you think we refilled your Grace?"

"Is he angry?" the angel stuttered.

"No, although it was one Hell of a shock when I told him," Castiel opened his mouth but Gabriel held up his hand. "I had no choice. I still can't replenish my own stores of Grace and you were at Death's door." Castiel subsided.

"Very well. I understand. I will explain it all to Dean later."

Dean opened the trunk of the car and pulled out his duffel bag. He knocked on the window, Cas and Gabriel climbed out and followed him to the room.

"I need a shower." Dean said shortly and disappeared into the bathroom. Gabriel toed off his boots and flung himself onto one of the beds. Cas settled onto a chair and watched his brother for a moment.

"Do you have any leads on Sam?" he asked. Gabriel shuffled up the bed and leaned against the headboard. His face was drawn and Castiel realized his brother was looking rather thin. "Have you lost weight?" he asked, astonished. Gabriel started.

"Uh, it's possible," he allowed. "It's been hard to care much about eating." Castiel's temper flared.

"And Dean didn't force you to eat?" he snarled.

"Hey, Dean's not doing so well either." Gabriel defended. "His brother's in thrall to Lucifer, you'd vanished and we didn't know if you were alive or dead. He's had a lot on his plate." Castiel was unmoved.

"He should have known I would be fine," he asserted. "We will get Sam back. I will not have everything I have done and sacrificed over the years for... the sake of humanity to be thrown away so easily." He paused at the look on Gabriel's face. His brother had the strangest expression, a weird mixture of guilt, sorrow and curiosity. "You should not feel responsible, Gabriel. None of us saw what was in front of us." His brother's expression blanked. _Something else was going on here_ , Cas thought. He didn't have time to consider the matter further because Dean threw open the bathroom door and ambled back into the room. He flopped down onto the empty bed.

"We need a plan," Dean said. "Now we've got you back, Cas," he gave the angel a warm smile, which suddenly went rigid. Cas stared at him, disquieted. There was something off about Dean's behavior, but he couldn't figure out what was driving it.

"You should really eat something," Cas said, struck by inspiration. "I think your blood sugar is low." Gabriel and Dean gave him weirdly similar looks, like he'd suggested something horrifying.

"I'm not hungry," Dean demurred. Cas gave him a level look.

"When did you last eat?" he demanded. Dean exchanged a look with Gabriel.

"I uh, can't remember. Yesterday?" Dean guessed and Gabriel shrugged.

That settled it. Cas stood up. "I will be back soon," he told them and swept out of the room.

"Does he seem different to you, Gabriel?" Dean asked. Gabriel shook his head slowly.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask."

* * *

Cas was good to his word, and returned shortly after with a bag of fast food. He placed it in front of Dean and gave him a look that said he would countenance no argument. Dean sighed and pulled out a cheeseburger. He tossed it to Gabriel, and then pulled out another. Gabriel went to discard the food on the nightstand, and Cas glared at him.

"You will eat it, brother. Even if I have to force you." Castiel said. Gabriel flicked a contemptuous look at him, but relented and unwrapped the greasy sandwich. Dean chewed mechanically, not really tasting the burger. He felt vaguely sick, but forced the food down. When he'd finished, Castiel beamed at him, and his stomach lurched.

Cas was all at sea. Dean was tense and jumpy and strained, and the Grace anchor was weirdly subdued as though Dean were suppressing his emotional states. Which was not unusual for the hunter, but Cas was used to a steady stream of bleed-through. Of course, now Dean knew about the anchor, maybe he'd figured out how to block it. But that still begged the question of why he felt it necessary. And Gabriel was almost as bad, as if Cas was a bomb that might go off at any moment. Yes, they were both under a lot of stress with everything that had happened with Sam. But Cas felt like this odd atmosphere was centered on him somehow, which made no sense.

Neither Dean nor Gabriel were receptive to his wish to talk and so eventually he let them try and get some sleep. He wandered outside, breathing in the cool damp air. He extended his Grace, wondering if he might be able to pick up some thread of Sam's location. But the carvings on the younger Winchester's ribs were still in full effect and he could sense nothing. He could feel Dean's presence thrumming through the anchor. Now he'd left the room and the hunter was falling asleep the emotional block was failing and Cas gasped at the feelings that began to flood across the bridge. Dean was in agony. His distress was almost palpable, a thick throbbing sensation so overwhelming Cas was astonished the older Winchester brother could even function. Sam's betrayal had clearly bitten deep. His celestial hearing picked up a sound, like a barely suppressed sob. Since Cas had just been returned to them, he would have expected that Dean would have been at least a little relieved. But this pain felt sharp and fresh, like a response to something that had just happened. This soul-shredding anguish made no sense, to wrench tears from a man as emotionally repressed as Dean Winchester was rare. What was he missing?

* * *

Sam decided that motels would have to be off limits from now on. The chance of another person recognizing him was just too high, and whereas he didn't feel guilty about killing the cop, it did make life more complicated. He could sleep in the car, but that made it even more likely that he'd encounter more police, exactly what he didn't want. So he'd have to find empty properties, much like he and Dean had done from time to time when money was especially tight.

He spotted a sign for a development a few miles off his route and hoped that there might be one home completed and the water connected because he seriously needed a shower. He was also running dangerously short on clothes that weren't permanently blood-stained.

He was in luck, the show home was fully furnished and ready to show to buyers. The developer had even added small touches like clean towels in all the bathrooms. He luxuriated in a long, hot shower, and changed into the last of his clean clothes. A quick search on his phone found him an out of town mall just a few miles from the development. He'd have to break in and steal what he needed, but that shouldn't be too hard.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Castiel woke Dean and Gabriel with breakfast from a nearby coffee shop. Gabriel picked aimlessly at the cinnamon roll.

"I've been thinking," Cas announced. "You said we need to formulate a plan to rescue Sam from Lucifer's influence. What do we know?" Dean and Gabriel exchanged a look.

"We know he's looking for the keys to Lucifer's Cage. He's already got three of the four safe-deposit keys." Dean told him. He didn't seem as concerned by this as Cas would have expected.

"You don't seem very worried," Cas observed. Dean gave him a weak smile.

"There's something Sam doesn't know," Dean explained. "One of the rings is fake." Gabriel looked up in surprise.

"Fake? So where's the real one?" Dean dug into his pocket and produced a heavy silver ring with an opal set into the band. Cas and Gabriel's eyes widened.

"Death took it back, when he restored Sam's soul years ago." Cas looked away. "When I killed Death, this was left behind. Sam never knew that Death had taken it back, and it never seemed important enough to tell him. When we split up the rings, I replaced it with a very good fake. I had hidden it in the bunker, and I'd been planning to swap them back but Sam did his smash and grab before I got around to it."

"And you didn't think to mention this before?" Gabriel yelled. Dean looked embarrassed.

"I forgot. I was so busy worrying about Sam and Cas, it slipped my mind. I found the ring in the Impala's glove box last night."

"This buys us some time," Gabriel breathed. A tiny spark of hope flared in his eyes, the first Dean had seen on the archangel's face in some time. "He can probably use the _lapsit exillis_ to force open the Cage but Lucifer won't want to take that option unless they have no choice because that will smash the Cage open permanently. Which means Michael will escape too. So until he retrieves all the rings and figures out that Death's ring is a fake, Lucifer probably won't tell him about that option. And he still has to feed the stone."  
"Feed it?" Dean asked. "Do I even want to know what it eats?"

"Power," the archangel said simply. "Blood, sex, violence. Human souls. Whatever it can get."

"Souls? Like Amara?" Dean cried.

"Yes. Human souls are very valuable sources of power." Gabriel said, knowing Dean was well aware of this. Dean flicked an unsettled look at Castiel.

"Well," Cas said hesitantly. "It seems he is doing that anyway." He pitched a newspaper at Dean. There was a poorly executed sketch of a man, and the headline _FBI SEEKS SADISTIC KILLER_. Dean skimmed the article. The FBI were tracking a serial killer that they were describing as a sexual sadist. The sketch was bad, but the description made him catch his breath. He looked up.

"This description sounds like Sam," he stated. Cas nodded. "No way, man. The...monster...who sliced these people up, uh did those other things, you can't possible think Sam could do something like this." Gabriel sighed.

"Under the influence of the _lapsit exillis?_ I'm afraid it's entirely possible. You had it right Castiel, just before Sam disappeared. He's not in his right mind." The archangel's mouth twisted in pain. Castiel observed him closely.

"Your bond with him is breaking?" he asked gently. Gabriel nodded, swallowing.

"Yes. It's a constant...agony."

"Does he know?" Cas bit the inside of his mouth.

"He knows," Gabriel said quietly. "He's feeling the pain of it as much as I am. But he won't be dissuaded from his path. Not while he's carrying the _lapsit exillis_ around with him and Lucifer's an almost constant presence in his mind." He got up and stumbled towards the door. "I need some air."

* * *

Dean watched the archangel go. "Cas, I missed you, man. Trying to keep it together, for me and for Gabriel. It was almost more than I could bear. I'm glad you're here now, that you're OK." He coughed uncomfortably. Cas looked at him curiously, it wasn't like Dean to share. He stood up and walked over to where Dean was perched on the end of the bed. Dean looked up at him and Cas stared back, some weird sense of _deja vu_ tickling at his mind. Then a pained look flickered across Dean's face and he stood up abruptly, pushing Cas away from him. The angel caught his arm.

"What's going on, Dean?" he demanded. "I feel like something has changed between us and I do not know what. Do you blame me for not stopping Sam from escaping with the _lapsit exillis?_ I am sorry about that, he took me by surprise."

"No, man. I don't blame you for that. None of this is your fault," Dean denied. Cas believed him, and yet still something seemed off-center. He squeezed Dean's arm.

"I am here for you, Dean. We are friends, remember." the angel told him. To his astonishment, Dean gave a wordless nod and fled to the bathroom. Frustrated, Cas yanked open the door and strode out onto the balcony. Maybe Gabriel would shed some light on this mystery.

Gabriel was leaning over the balcony, lost in thought. He looked up when he heard Castiel's approach.

* * *

"What happened, Gabriel?" Castiel said, sternly. "I've never seen Dean like this. Not even after Ruby, not even when I-" he broke off.

"Don't ask me that, brother." Gabriel said. "Dean will recover, in time. That's all you need to know." Castiel grabbed Gabriel's arm, annoyed.

"Why? Why won't you tell me what's happening? I thought he blamed me for not stopping Sam from escaping, but he says he doesn't and I believe him. So, what is it? This isn't about Sam, this is about me and Dean. But I can't figure out what it is." Gabriel stared steadily at him.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I really am. But I'm forbidden to speak of this with you. That's all I can tell you."

"Forbidden? Gabriel, what did Dean do? Do you think I would not forgive anything that he did, if it was in pursuit of his brother? After all the absolution he has granted me for the unforgivable things I have done to him?" Castiel growled. Gabriel's face was stony. "I have given my life for that man. I would do so again in an _instant_. What gives you the right to-"

"I'm doing this for his benefit, not yours," Gabriel snarled at him, his eyes snapping with anger. "So, you shut your mouth. You're hurting him, even if you don't know it or understand why. Back off. Let him work through it. Maybe one day, he'll tell you what happened. But that's up to him."

Cas stared at his brother, a terrible premonition stealing over him. But of what, he had no idea.

Gabriel gasped, and collapsed suddenly into a heap on the ground. Castiel let out a bark of shock and dragged his brother into his arms. Dean yanked open the motel room door and gaped at the sight of Gabriel, insensate in Cas' arms.

"What happened to him?" he asked sharply. Cas carried Gabriel into the room and gently laid his brother on the bed.

"I expect it is the breaking bond. It must be close to the end now," the angel's voice was wretched with sorrow and Dean's throat hurt just hearing it. He sat down heavily on his bed, the springs squealing in protest.

"Cas, is he going to survive this?" Dean rasped. The angel shot him a startled look.

"I- I don't know. Without his Grace, I suppose it's possible that it could kill him." Cas replied, his face drawn with worry. Dean huffed out a breath.

"And Sam? Is it this bad for him too?" Dean felt like his throat was closing. Cas knelt in front of him and grasped his hands, the position so intimate that Dean stopped breathing altogether. His vision dimmed, and spots flashed in front of his eyes. He sucked in a breath suddenly when Cas grabbed his face.

"Dean! You have to breathe!" Dean blinked at the urgency in the angel's voice. Cas' face was really close to his and he swallowed. Something in his expression must have registered because shock rippled across Cas' face and the angel stood up suddenly. The next thing Dean knew, Cas was pressing a glass of water into his hand. He lifted it unsteadily to his mouth and drank it greedily, and Cas watched him uneasily.

"Dean," the angel said softly and he looked up. "Sam will survive. I promise. You must not give in to panic and despair." Dean nodded, feeling wobbly and uncertain. Gabriel twitched on the other bed and Cas moved to check on him.

"Is he OK?" The angel's body seemed to lose some of it's tension.

"I think so. But he needs to rest for now." Cas said unhappily. He looked up at Dean. "I think we need to talk." Dean started. _Fuck._

"Uh, sure. What about?" The angel looked apprehensive. _Oh, God, Cas._

"The Grace anchor," he said anxiously. Dean felt himself slump with relief and caught himself too late. Cas peered at him. "You were afraid I wanted to talk about something else."

"No, man. So, the Grace anchor, uh, yeah. Yeah, tell me how that came about." Cas pulled up a chair and sat down, resting his arms on his knees.

"You're not angry?" the angel asked. Dean shook his head, he really wasn't. _How could he be, now?_ "I was expecting you to be furious."

"Well, maybe if I'd found out in a different way. Before Sam and the magic emerald of doom. But, without it, Gabriel and I would be sat by your hospital bed wondering if you'd ever wake up. So, there's that," Dean offered. Cas nodded, but he still looked wary.

"Do you remember when you met my vessel, Jimmy?" Cas asked. Dean creased his forehead. Cas had come to him in a dream, telling him he had something to tell him. But when he had gone with Sam to the address Cas had given them, they'd found Jimmy instead. "I had initiated the anchor with you just days before." Dean held up a hand.

"Wait, Cas. How come I don't remember this?" He looked closely at the angel, who was avoiding his eyes.

"I...modified your memory," Cas admitted. "After Heaven had...impressed upon me that my priorities were not straight. They were angry about the anchor too, but there was not much they could do about it. And you'd just discovered Sam's demon-blood drinking so you were preoccupied and never noticed the gap in your memory." Dean breathed, in and out. He focused his mind on the days before meeting Jimmy. Cas was right, there was a blank space there.

"Can you give the memory back?" he asked. Cas frowned at him.

"If you want. There is not much to know." He reached out and touched his fingers to Dean's forehead.

* * *

Dean swallowed the last of his whiskey, watching the pyre he and Sam had made for their half-brother, Adam. Sam had wandered off, restless and uncommunicative. He really needed to figure out what was going on in that kid's head, he'd been twitchy and behaving increasingly oddly these last few days. The rustle of wings drew his head up. Cas was standing next to him, watching the fire burn, the light reflected in his eyes.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, by way of greeting. "What's up?" The angel turned to him.

"Things are not going well," the angel replied. "More than half of the seals are broken and more fall all the time. Angels are killing angels. I have had to kill my own kin." Dean clapped an awkward hand on Cas' shoulder.

"I'm sorry, man," he said inadequately. The angel gave him a searching look.

"I have a request to make." Cas said, a rare note of uncertainty coloring his tone. A sliver of alarm straightened Dean's spine.

"OK. I take it I'm not going to like it," he responded warily. He'd already learned the lesson that doing favors for angels was not good for his mental health.

"I'd like to place a Grace anchor within you," Cas told him. "It will improve my ability to keep track of you and allow us to communicate more securely than we are currently able to do."

"All right," Dean said after a moment. "What's the catch?" Cas grimaced.

"For you, nothing. I may experience some...side effects...but you need not concern yourself with that." Cas explained. Dean shifted uneasily.

"What kind of side effects?" Cas looked away. "Hey, you want me to say yes to this, you gotta be upfront with me, Cas."

"I will feel some bleed-through of your emotional states through the anchor. As an angel, unused to emotional experiences, the effect can be troublesome at first, until I learn how to manage it. It is not serious and you should not concern yourself." Dean looked steadily at him but he sucked at reading Cas at the best of times. The angel was enigmatic and his motives often obscure. He watched the play of the firelight over Cas' features, the sight making his throat tighten in some unnameable way.

"OK. Fine. Yes, you can give me this uh, Grace anchor." Cas looked at him, relief and apprehension mixing on his face. He turned Dean to face him.

"I need to ensure that we are compatible." Cas said seriously. Dean felt a strange fluttering feeling in his chest, followed by a warmth that swept through him. He grinned suddenly, a strange euphoria blossoming within him. Cas gave him a reassuring smile. "Good. That's good, Dean." The angel produced his blade and Dean stepped back in alarm.

"Wait, what are you doing with that?" he faltered. Cas drew the blade across his palm and then offered it to Dean. Dean looked at him cautiously, then accepted the blade and drew it across his own palm, wincing at the sting. Cas pressed their hands together, and again Dean felt the warmth and a slight dizziness as the angel chanted in Enochian. Cas stepped forward and slid his free hand behind Dean's head in an incredibly intimate gesture and Dean's breathing stuttered. Cas was close, so close he could feel the angel's breath ghosting across his skin. He swallowed, and Cas began chanting again. He felt a strange pressure in his skull, centered on where Cas' hand was holding him in place and then it faded. Cas was breathing heavily, like he'd just run up several flights of stairs. He leaned forward, his forehead resting against Dean's as he brought his breathing under control and his eyes closed. Dean had a strange sense of unreality, like this was some kind of dream that would shatter if he made even a single sound. After a moment, Cas leaned back and opened his eyes. His pupils were dilated so wide his irises were almost invisible.

"Dean," the angel rumbled with a kind of breathy astonishment. Dean began to feel stirrings of alarm, and he was relieved when Cas released him and stepped back. The angel continued to stare at him, open-mouthed and dazed. "I had no idea it would be so...intense." Dean was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

"Uh. Well, I…" he said intelligently. He scratched at the back of his head. "Are you...OK?" Cas nodded almost absently. _Holy crap, if this is how he is exposed to a small amount of emotion, imagine what he'd be like after getting laid._ Dean jerked at that thought, he did _not_ want to imagine that, thank you very much. Definitely not.

The angel suddenly went rigid, his eyes distant. When he returned his gaze to Dean, he looked worried.

"I have to go. Thank you, Dean." And with a rustle of wings, he was gone.

* * *

Dean reeled from the force of the memory slamming back into his brain. No wonder Sam had flipped out when Gabriel had done this to him. He sat there staring at Cas and gasping.

"You...I…" he looked down at the palm of his hand, looking for a telltale scar.

"You see, it was a simple thing." Cas said after a moment.

"So-" Dean swallowed and gathered his courage. He had to know. "The side effects you mentioned. Uh…" Cas' face blanked and Dean struggled to conceal his dismay.

"There were effects of course, I found some of the carryover of your more...intense...emotional states rather confusing at first. But I learned to manage it. We share profound bond, you and I, but I'm not sure we could have become friends without the anchor's help."

"What does that mean?" Dean said, his voice strangled. Cas looked puzzled.

"Before we met, I was a good soldier. A loyal servant of Heaven, even when I should not have been. Even when I was given bad orders. You taught me to look at things differently. You taught me the meaning of free will. But I don't know if I could have learned those things on my own. The anchor and the emotional states I experienced because of it, facilitated my understanding of why they were important."

"Are you saying you would never have rebelled without the anchor?" Dean asked urgently. Cas' confusion was turning into alarm. The older Winchester was upset, pain and distress vibrating through the anchor, but he couldn't understand why.

"No, I don't believe so. I think I would have wanted to, but I don't think I would have had the courage." He smiled reassuringly at Dean, but the pain he felt echoing along the bridge continued to get worse.

"Right." Dean said, shortly. "Well. Good talk." Cas could feel him shutting off, burying his feelings until he could not detect anything coming from the anchor at all. _What on earth was going on?_


	9. Chapter 9

Gabriel rolled over and blinked at Dean, who was sat on the edge of his bed, his hands dangling from his knees. There was no sign of Castiel. He breathed in and out, there was too much pain in this room, making it seem even smaller and drabber than it actually was.

"Hey Dean," he said, quieter than he'd intended but the hunter raised his head anyway. "Are you...OK?"

"I suppose," Dean said lifelessly. Gabriel pulled himself upright with effort.

"What happened? Where's Castiel?" When Dean began to shake his head, Gabriel held up one hand. "Don't give me that. You talked to Castiel about the anchor, I take it. Did you get angry with him?"

"No. How could I be angry after everything that's happened? No. No, I got my answer, that's all." Gabriel stared at him, dismayed.

"What do you mean?"

"We talked about the anchor. Cas says he doesn't think we'd have been friends without it. Which means that whatever he felt for me...before...wasn't even real. It was just forced by the stupid anchor. So, I should feel better right? Like I haven't lost as much as I thought. But I don't." He paused and rubbed one hand over his face. "I told Sam I'd given up something I'd just realized I couldn't live without. Even knowing what I know now, that's still true."

"Look, Dean, maybe we can find a way to reverse the effect. Once we find Sam and fix him, I can go talk to some buddies of mine. Somebody might have an idea." Dean gave Gabriel a watery smile.

"It's better if I don't hope for that really. It's OK, Gabriel. I'm used to my life being a pile of crap. I'll deal." Dean's voice was hollow, making Gabriel's chest ache. He jumped when the motel room door banged open and Cas appeared with cups of coffee. He handed one to Gabriel who sipped it cautiously then smiled widely.

"What _is_ this?" he breathed.

"A crème brûlée latte. It sounded very sweet and I thought you might like it." Cas said a little shyly. There was a warm feeling in Dean's chest, _God, Cas was just adorable sometimes._ He squeezed his eyes shut at the stab of pain that followed that thought and Cas peered at him in concern.

"I brought coffee for you too, Dean," the angel told him. Dean gave him a lopsided smile.

"Thanks, Cas," he managed. The angel was subdued this morning, which was almost certainly Dean's fault.

"So, how do we find Sam?" Cas asked forthrightly. "The newspaper reported the last killing just south of Dallas, but he will have moved on from there." Dean nodded, slow and considering.

"He's a wanted man, and he'll know it. Sam's smart, he'll have dropped off the radar as much as possible. He's going to be hard to find." A muscle twitched in his jaw.

"Gabriel, I know this is painful, but is there any chance you can get a hint through the Grace anchor?" Cas asked tentatively. Gabriel winced.

"I've had no luck so far, but I can try again." He closed his eyes and concentrated on the anchor, still cold and lifeless within him. He tried tugging on it, but it didn't answer. So he tried pushing something through instead, flooded it with all his pain and loss and jerked when he actually felt a response. It wasn't much, but he'd definitely made contact and Sam had responded briefly before shutting it down. His eyes flew open.

"He's not close. Locating him when he's blocking me like this is really hard. I've got a direction. He's further north than Dallas now, but he hasn't deviated significantly east or west."

"Is he headed to the bunker?" Dean asked breathlessly. Gabriel shook his head.

"I don't know. Do you think he might?" Dean's shoulders slumped.

"No, not really." He straightened as a thought struck him. "Sioux Falls!" he exclaimed. Gabriel looked puzzled. "I once buried Death's ring in Bobby's yard in Sioux Falls. Sam thinks I'm predictable."

"You are," Cas commented, a strained note in his voice. Dean's eyes flew to his but the angel was blank-faced and enigmatic.

"Well, on this occasion I wasn't. I buried a key there all right, but not the one Sam's looking for. So there's a chance he might go look there. If we head there now, maybe we will find him."

* * *

Sam parked the car in front of Singer's Auto Salvage and tried to steady his breathing. When Bobby had died, the yard had passed to him and Dean, but neither of them had had the heart to come back here much with the house destroyed and Bobby gone. His eyes watered and he had to take several deep breaths before getting out of the car and inspecting the padlock on the gate. He blinked in surprise. This was not the old lock, this was a brand new one, much more difficult to pick. Had Dean been back here, without him? When? And why?

It took some time to pick the lock, which Dean had almost certainly chosen for its difficulty. But he'd managed, and he was inside. The yard was spookily silent, the rotten corpses of old cars still casting strange shadows and a creepy creaking sound as the wind gusted against the rusting metal husks. A flutter of anxiety in Sam's chest had him drawing his gun and moving silently towards the spot where Dean had buried Death's ring.

He still expected Bobby to come around each corner, shotgun in one hand. He wasn't sure if he was more disappointed or relieved when that didn't happen. He looked at the area where he was sure the key would be and started to dig. The ground was hard and dry and packed tight. About six inches under the dirt, he found a cigar box. He opened it and sagged with relief at the key nestled inside. He still needed to know where two of the safe-deposit boxes were, but he knew he could figure it out. Dean was just too predictable.

A scuffing sound brought his head up. Lucifer was leaning against a crash-damaged Lexus, a wicked grin on his face. Sam stood up and practically threw himself into the archangel's arms. Lucifer rewarded him with a searing kiss that stole his breath and made his body tense and twitch deliciously.

"Well, you're in a good mood," the archangel drawled. Sam nipped at his neck impatiently. Lucifer grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head back hard, but he was smiling with sinful promise and Sam shivered in anticipation. He dragged Sam up onto the hood of the car and leaned over him, pressing against him and exploring the depths of his mouth, slow and unhurried. Sam moaned and slid his hands under Lucifer's shirt and wrapped his long legs around the archangel's waist. Lucifer flipped him over, pushing him onto his stomach and tugged his pants down, sliding one hand up across his back and pressing him down against the cold metal. He licked a line up Sam's spine and the hunter arched, panting and straining.

"Lucifer! Oh, please." The archangel's hands, chilly and dextrous, gripped his hips and he kicked Sam's legs apart. "Please, please," Sam begged. Lucifer leaned forward, his body pressed against Sam's and his mouth at Sam's ear.

"Tell me what you want, Sam," he huffed. Sam wriggled and pushed his hips back.

"Please, I want you. Here, now." Lucifer bit his ear. "Take me, now. I'm your's."

"Mine?" the archangel panted against his skin. Sam nodded, gasping.

"Yes!"

* * *

Dean was driving like a man possessed. Castiel probably didn't mind, after all _he_ had his Grace. Gabriel was less sanguine. He'd already been dead once already, and while the slow, spiraling decay of his half-formed bond with Sam made him feel like death might be a blessing, he wasn't sure he really wanted to end it all just yet.

"Do you think we could slow down, just a bit?" he asked plaintively. Dean ignored him. Cas glanced at him over his shoulder, then reached out and touched Dean's arm. The car swerved crazily as Dean overreacted to the touch of the angel's hand. But he eased back on the gas and brought the car back under control.

"Oops," he said by way of apology.

"Dean," Cas said. Somehow he managed to convey a soft but lengthy rebuke in that one word.

"Sorry, Gabriel," Dean said a little archangel opened his mouth to say something, but then he fell back against the backseat, arching and screaming wordlessly. Cas reached out and touched Gabriel's leg, the only thing close enough and pulsed some of his Grace into Gabriel. The archangel stilled and his breathing slowed. Dean watched Cas with a sidelong look. The sorrow on his face made him feel cold inside. The angel was looking at his brother not just in empathy or pain for his loss. No, this look was that of recognition, as though Cas knew exactly what Gabriel was going through.

* * *

Sam slumped bonelessly to the ground, breathing hard and his body twitching and quivering in delicious appreciation. Lucifer dropped down beside him and pulled him half onto his lap, carding his fingers through Sam's hair and crooning unintelligible things in Enochian to him, stopping only to press soft butterfly kisses to his temple, his nose, his ear. Sam drifted in a sea of euphoria and contentment. He tilted his head back, to look Lucifer directly in the eyes and smiled at the crinkles that formed as the archangel grinned at him.

"I love you," Sam told him. Lucifer stroked his face, his fingers trembling.

"I love you, my beautiful Sammy." The archangel buried his nose in Sam's hair. "How are you feeling now?" Sam's eyes drifted closed.

"Amazing. I could lie here forever." Lucifer chuckled at that. "Why do you ask?"

"You were in some pain, from the breaking of your bond with Gabriel. I wanted to know if it was still hurting you." Sam tensed a little, he had not forgotten.

"It does, but not all the time. It's better if I don't think about him. The pain is less bad than it was. I guess that means it's almost over." He froze. _Over. It was over between him and Gabriel._ Pain stabbed into him suddenly. and he arched back, screaming. Lucifer tucked him closer into his body, rubbing his hands down Sam's back.

"Shhh, Sammy. Shh. I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." Sam was making a keening sound, his breath coming in short pants and his body twisting as if to pull away from the source of the pain.

"Lucifer, please. Help me." The archangel frowned down at him, then touched two fingers to his forehead, sending the young hunter into blessed oblivion.

* * *

When they arrived at Singer's Auto Salvage, it was a few minutes before 3:00am. There was a Jeep parked outside and the gate padlock lay on the ground by the gate. Sam was here. Gabriel peeked inside the vehicle. The ebony box was on the passenger seat. He beckoned Dean and Cas over and watched Dean pop the door lock. Gabriel reached out and took the box but he could tell it was empty even as he turned it away from Dean and opened it.

"Sam must have the stone on him," he warned. "Be careful."

Dean carefully pushed the gate open and crept inside, his gun in his hand. Gabriel looked at the weapon nervously. _Surely Dean would not actually shoot his brother?_ He followed as silently as he could.

It was extraordinary to watch Dean and Castiel interact in this environment. They barely needed to speak, communicating everything with facial expressions and small gestures. Gabriel felt a strange feeling in his stomach that he didn't want to name.

The three of them made their way into the yard and slipped silently between the rusting husks of cars and trucks. They moved slowly, wary of where they were placing their feet. The wind was strong tonight, whistling through the twisted metal like a malevolent force. Several of the piled up vehicles were teetering in a way that made Gabriel very jumpy.

"It's this way," Dean whispered, pointing with two fingers on his left hand. He moved forward, incredibly silently for a human, and then stopped dead.

Sam was leaning against a badly damaged sedan, his face was relaxed and his eyes closed. His clothing was rumpled and his jeans were unfastened. Gabriel swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. Sam looked like he'd been utterly debauched. He expected Dean to dash forward at the sight of his brother, but he didn't. Instead he continued to move forward slowly and carefully. When he reached Sam, Castiel at his side like a shadow, Dean looked up at the angel and Cas reached forward and touched Sam's forehead. For a moment, Sam's eyes fluttered and his face contorted then he slumped forward. Castiel picked him up easily.

"Let's go," Dean said shortly.

Gabriel wanted to argue about it, wanted to be in the back with the unconscious Sam but Castiel would not be moved.

"If he wakes up, I can handle it. You cannot." He said firmly. Gabriel surrendered. His brother was right, _dammit._ Castiel laid Sam across the backseat, and cradled the younger Winchester's head in his lap. Then he gasped.

"The _lapsit exillis._ It's in his pocket." Dean retrieved the ebony box from the trunk and presented it to Gabriel, before walking away, and closing his eyes. Castiel pulled the stone from Sam's jeans and turned away from the flare of power that pulsed out. Dean felt it, he swayed under the force of it and his gorge rose at the feeling of malevolence that surrounded him momentarily. Castiel thrust the _lapsit exillis_ into the ebony box and Gabriel snapped it shut and shoved it back into the trunk. Castiel muttered an Enochian invocation over it, as an extra layer of protection.

"It's OK, Dean," Gabriel told him. "It's contained." He climbed into the passenger seat and turned to watch Cas resettle himself under Sam's head. Dean eyed Gabriel, saw the look of envy flicker across his face and had a sense of fellow feeling with the archangel. He wanted to be Castiel in that arrangement. Dean wanted to be Sam. Not at the same time, obviously. He concealed his smile at his own ridiculousness, he did not want to explain his thoughts to either of them.

The drive back to the bunker was going to be long. Gabriel wasn't even intending to offer to drive, he was an indifferent driver at best and the Impala did not seem like a forgiving beast. Castiel was a better driver if a little too meticulous, but he was fully engaged in keeping Sam under control. Dean was already exhausted but there was no help for it. _If only he had his Grace…or his wings!_

Dean's phone buzzed. He dug it out of his pocket and tossed it at Gabriel. The archangel looked at it in surprise.

"It's a text message from someone called Crowley," he said curiously. "He says he can help with the Moose. Is this some kind of joke?"


	10. Chapter 10

Dean watched his brother closely. They'd chained him to a chair in the basement, warded him with every sigil and warding spell they could think of. Cas was exerting a small amount of effort to keep Sam subdued. His head lolled against his shoulder and he was drooling. Exhaustion beat at Dean insistently. He'd driven for over twenty-four hours, and he was really starting to feel it.

"OK, Cas, let's ease up a bit and wake him up," Dean decided. Sam's head rolled and then came up. He blinked uncomprehendingly for a moment, then his eyes cleared and he snarled at them. All three of them gasped in shock, Dean loudest of all. Sam's eyes were a brilliant blue. _What the Hell?_

"Let me go!" Sam tugged at the chains ineffectively for a moment.

"Sorry, Sammy," Dean said regretfully. "You gotta stay here for now."

"Dean. Let. Me. Go." Sam bit off each word.

"No way. We need to talk. Or rather, I am going to talk and you, for once, are going to listen." Dean told him and was rewarded with a wordless growl. "You've done some bad stuff, Sam. I don't even know what to think about the things you've done, the damage you've caused. What the Hell, Sam? What were you thinking?"

"You wouldn't understand," Sam said sullenly. Dean paced in front of him.

"Well, I can't if you don't tell me. Why'd you do it? Banish Cas, steal the emerald of evil," Dean's voice began to climb the registers as he got more and more upset. "Going around the country murdering people, consorting with Lucifer-" Cas reached out and took Dean's hand, rubbing his thumb in circles on his knuckles. Sam noticed and smirked unpleasantly.

"You and the angel finally got around to fucking yet? No? Color me surprised." Dean lunged forward and was stopped by Cas' hand planted in the center of his chest. The angel propelled him backwards, out of the containment room and into the hall. He leaned forward to put his mouth at Dean's ear. Dean swallowed at the closeness and the familiar scent of the angel's skin.

"He's saying these things to upset you," Cas said softly. "You and I know the truth of our friendship. Why let him get to you in this way?" Dean shivered at the vibration of air over his ear. Cas leaned back and gave him a look that Dean suspected Cas thought was reassuring. But he was still too close, and his words combined with the gentle, almost affectionate expression on Cas' face was making his insides twist. Cas watched the play of emotions across Dean's face, felt them flit by so fast through the anchor he couldn't identify them.

"Get the Hell away from me, Gabriel!" Sam yelled behind them. Dean pushed past Cas and back to stand in front of his brother. Gabriel was turned away from Sam, raking one hand through his hair and muttering in Enochian, tears shimmering in his eyes.

"What's going on?" Dean asked roughly. Gabriel looked up at him, a tear escaping and running down his cheek.

"You noticed Sam's eyes?" he asked. Dean nodded, _who could miss that?_ "Nearly half of Sam's soul had been supplanted by Lucifer's Grace. I can't tell if Lucifer wove more in there or if the piece that was there has grown."

"Like a cancer." Dean growled.

"Yes, exactly like that. "

"All right, Sam. That's it. I want some answers." Dean said firmly. Sam gave him a supercilious look.

"Ask me a proper question and I'll consider it," he sneered. Dean gritted his teeth.

"OK, fine. Why'd you steal the lapsit wotsit?" Sam stretched his neck, cracking a couple of bones in the process.

"It asked me to." he said finally. It wasn't much of an answer, but it confirmed what Gabriel had suspected, that the stone was able to communicate with Sam and influence him.

"And you agreed?" Dean pressed. "Just like that?" Sam looked away but didn't elaborate.

"We'll come back to that. How about you explain why you banished Cas? And maybe apologize while you're at it!" Cas squeezed Dean's arm and he backed off a little. The angel was right, pushing it too far too fast would make Sam clam up.

"I didn't plan it. Cas found me in the kitchen, with the _lapsit exillis_ and was going to try to stop me. It was either banish him or try to kill him, and I didn't like my chances of doing the latter." Dean gulped, _the only thing that had stopped him from killing Cas was he didn't think he could? Fuck._ Sam smiled again, that creepy smile that looked so alien on his face. "I think I deserve some points for that at least."

"And Lucifer?" Dean asked. "Since when did you two become pen pals?" Sam began to laugh.

" _Pen pals?_ What, are we back in grade school again?" he snorted. "And we're way more than pals, let me tell you." His grin took on a lascivious flavor, and Dean wanted to throw up. A quick look at Gabriel's face told him the archangel felt similarly.

"This isn't you," Dean asserted. "I don't get how Lucifer got you all tied up in knots like this. If anyone should know about how totally freaking evil he is, it's you. So, explain it to me Sam, because I really need to understand." Sam sighed and leaned his head back, huffing out a long breath.

"I don't have to explain myself to you," he retorted. "But for the record, he says he can help us deal with the Darkness. And, you know what? Unlike you three, he respects my decisions, treats me like an adult."

"Do you love him?" Gabriel asked suddenly, his voice shredded with pain.

"Yes," Sam replied. "Yes, I love him. He makes me happy." He gave another creepy smile. " _Very_ happy." Gabriel made a sound like a suppressed sob. _Dammit, Gabriel, why did you have to ask him that?_ Dean took a deep breath.

"OK, one more question. The murders. We've counted five that we're certain you did, and a couple more we're less sure about. You got anythin' to say about that?" Sam's face blanked.

"No," he said shakily. Dean's instincts perked up. This was their leverage.

"You sure? Cos, man I got a lot to say." he said tightly. Sam looked away again. "I read the FBI report, Sam. With all the details that they keep out of the papers because it would freak people out. I mean, you and me have never been afraid to kill when our lives were in danger. Or to protect someone else. But this?" Dean shook his head, suddenly feeling very tired. "I don't even know where to begin…"

"The first time was an accident," Sam said quietly, seeming to shrink in the chair.

"An accident," Dean repeated disbelievingly. "You accidently slit a man's throat and then-" His throat closed in rebellion at saying aloud what the federal investigation had determined. "I guess you just got overexcited? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Sam began to shiver and when he looked up pleadingly, his eyes had returned to their normal color. Dean blinked.

"The _lapsit exillis_. It speaks to me. I feel this need inside me and it builds and it builds until I can't hold it back anymore. It likes violence, it likes death. The feeling I get when I give it what it wants is...indescribable. I hate it. But I can't resist. I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. But the more I resist, the worse it is when I can't hold on any longer. Lucifer says it's OK. That the sacrifices are necessary." Sam shook his head slowly, back and forth. "I want to believe him. But it's getting so hard. I feel like I lose a piece of myself every time I take another life." Dean opened his mouth to speak but Cas tugged at his arm in warning.

"Sam," Gabriel said gently. "You know what's right and what's wrong. Spilling innocent blood feels wrong to you, and you know it. If Lucifer says it's necessary, doesn't that make you question what he'd doing?" Sam drew in a heaving breath, and his face paled. Gabriel seemed to steel himself. "I still love you, Sam. I don't care if you don't feel the same way about me. It doesn't matter, I still care about what happens to you. I want you to be happy. I want that more than anything. I won't claim I'm not angry with you, that you haven't hurt me and Castiel and Dean really, really badly. We'll get over it, we'll forgive. But you have to come back to us. You have to give up this insane idea of releasing Lucifer from his Cage." The archangel shuddered with suppressed emotion. "Please, Sam." Sam's face shuttered.

"Go away. All of you. Just leave. Leave me alone." he snarled. His eyes were blue once more.

* * *

They locked Sam down as thoroughly as possible and trudged upstairs to regroup. Had things not been so dire, Dean might have been amused that it was Cas who made a beeline for the bourbon, sloshing generous measures into three glasses and thrusting them onto the library table. Dean picked his up and swallowed it in one gulp, then indicated that Cas should refill the glass again. He drank three more glasses this way, silent and grim. Gabriel followed suit, although he did not try to match Dean glass for glass. Cas had no such compunction. For thirty minutes the three of them did nothing but sit and drink, nobody meeting anyone else's eyes. Dean went to recharge their glasses again, only to see the bottle was empty. He dragged himself upright and snagged a new bottle from the cabinet.

"That isn't Sam, not really. It's like another personality has arisen inside him, a piece broken off by the _lapsit exillis..._ Fuck." Gabriel said expressively. "Just...fuck."

"Yeah," Dean said in agreement. "Fuck." Cas' gaze flicked between his brother and Dean.

"Am I supposed to participate in the swearing as well?" he asked tentatively. Dean shrugged.

"If you like," he replied.

"It's cathartic," Gabriel added. Castiel looked uncertain. Dean patted his hand.

"It's OK, Cas. You need to get your drunk on a bit more, is all." He gave the angel a weak smile. Gabriel tried to stand up, failed and sat back down.

"Fuck," he said again. Dean knew exactly what he meant.

"Do you need help, Gabriel?" Castiel asked. Gabriel began to shake his head in denial but changed his mind halfway through the motion.

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe." Castiel helped him to his feet and guided him out of the library. Dean tilted the chair back and propped his feet on the table. His head was swimming, he'd managed to put away a serious amount of liquor in a very short amount of time. He drifted there for a moment, and when he heard Cas come back into the library he didn't look up.

"Gabriel OK?" he slurred.

"Yes," Cas said, his voice gravelly with pain.

"C'mere, Cas." Dean said. The angel appeared, looking down at him with a sorrowful expression.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I know this is hard. We will fix Sam. I will find a way." Dean blinked slowly and Cas kneeled down to be closer to his eye level. He grasped Dean's hand and the hunter gave a lopsided smile. Cas' was staring at him, all earnestness and sincerity and Dean reached out to the angel, pulled him in for a hug. Cas resisted for a moment, then let the hunter draw him close. Dean tucked his nose into Cas' neck, and breathed. Cas always smelled so good. He settled in comfortably, just leaning against his friend and letting the sensation of being held soothe and settle him. He was warm, and comfortable and the alcohol in his bloodstream began to lull him to sleep.

Cas closed his eyes, allowing himself to just enjoy this rare opportunity to be genuinely close to Dean. It was dangerous, he knew and he'd suffer for it later. But he'd never been as cautious as he should have been around the hunter. He'd been arrogant when he'd placed the anchor, believing that he had control of the situation. Angels like Uriel and Raphael were openly contemptuous of humanity and he'd fought them for it. But he'd fallen foul of the sin himself, dismissing human emotion and how it drove them to act in unpredictable ways as an avoidable flaw. His shock when the anchor had first exposed him to the broad depth and complexity of human feelings had almost overwhelmed him.

Cas realized that Dean had in fact fallen asleep and carefully picked him up as he stood and carried him to his room. He leaned down to place Dean on the bed, but the hunter held on tightly. He tried to pull himself free, but somehow Dean managed to hang on. Finally, completely unable to detach the older Winchester, he lay down on the bed with him, and let him curl into his side. There was something about this feeling, of lying here with Dean pressed against his side, his head on Cas' shoulder that felt familiar. He couldn't quite understand how, since Dean was notoriously prickly about his personal space but for once the hunter was giving in to the need for physical comfort and it gave the angel a sense of peace and contentment that he had no comparison for.

* * *

Dean gradually became aware that he was lying in bed with another person. He was tucked in against their side, his head resting on their shoulder. He breathed in and then jerked when he recognized the scent of Cas' skin. He looked up in confusion, to see Cas looking down at him, a strange expression on the angel's face.

"Uh," Dean said. "Hi."

"Hello, Dean," the angel rumbled.

"Uh, what're we doin' here?" Dean asked in sleepy puzzlement.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas said, his voice weirdly tense. "You wouldn't let go of me when I carried you to bed last night. I had no choice but to stay." Dean froze and then began to pull away from Cas, but the angel held him tightly.

"I do not say this to make you leave now," Cas said. "I am quite comfortable. I simply do not wish to make you uncomfortable." Dean stopped moving and settled back into his position on Cas' shoulder. He shouldn't. He should get up and get as far away from Cas as he could, that only pain and heartbreak lay in this direction. Cas was only here because he'd forced the issue and the angel was too polite to withdraw. But he indulged himself in the warmth and comfort of lying here with Cas. And resolved never to let it happen again.

Cas for his part felt very strange. The feeling of Dean cuddled into his body like this was indescribable. But he knew that he and Dean had never done anything like this before. Or had they? He'd noticed last night that there was an aching familiarity to it, but he could find no instances in his memory where they had done so. Of course, he still had all those bizarre gaps in his memory after awaking from his coma. Gaps that Dean and Gabriel seemed curiously unsurprised by. And then there was Gabriel's cryptic insistence that he could not tell Cas what it was that had changed about his relationship with the older Winchester. The final piece of the puzzle was Sam's snide suggestion that he and Dean might be having sexual relations. It was an accusation so peculiar, he had expected Dean to simply laugh it off or ignore it. But that wasn't how the hunter had responded at all. Instead, he had exploded with rage, and when Cas had pulled him off and dragged him away, he had felt incredible anger and resentment and agonizing pain throbbing through the anchor. Cas thought about that reaction. He really needed Gabriel's advice. The archangel's extensive experience of human emotions would be really helpful in decoding all of this. But so far, Gabriel had steadfastly refused to discuss it, claiming he was protecting Dean. Like the world had turned upside down in the few days he had been unconscious.


	11. Chapter 11

Finally, Dean decided he could wallow in this feeling no longer and dragged himself away from Cas and out of bed.

"C'mon Cas, let's go get some coffee," he said and slouched out of the room. To his surprise, Gabriel was already up, and fresh coffee was brewed and waiting.

"Hey," Dean said by way of a greeting, as he helped himself to a mug. Gabriel nodded and sipped at his own coffee, loaded with creamer and sugar by the smell. Cas hung by the door, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to enter the room.

"Cas, I uh, I think I'm gonna talk to Crowley, see what he has to say." Dean said cautiously. The angel stiffened and Gabriel frowned.

"Who is this Crowley anyway?" Gabriel asked, watching his brother closely.

"A demon," Dean explained. "And the current King of Hell." Gabriel looked even more puzzled.

"You know him well enough that you text each other? And he spies on you?" Dean gave a half-hearted shrug.

"It's a long story." And one Dean was apparently not going to relate right now. Gabriel studied Castiel, who was looking very unhappy.

"I take it you disapprove of this...friendship?" he asked easily. To his surprise, Castiel looked away and Dean gave him a quelling look.

"That's another long story, we need to focus on Sam." Dean said, his tone suggesting that Gabriel really needed to drop the subject. Which of course made him insanely curious. But he could wait, for now. Sam was the priority, he agreed with that. Dean dialed Crowley's number. The demon picked up on the first ring, as though he had been waiting by his phone for the call.

"Dean!" Crowley said expansively. "How good of you to call!" Dean pulled a face and put the phone on speaker.

"All right Crowley, I'm not gonna ask _how_ you know about Sam. Just tell me what you know," he growled.

"You're always in such a rush, darlin'," Crowley told him. Gabriel's eyebrows skyrocketed at the familiarity. "Can't we have a few of the social niceties first?"

"No," Dean replied firmly. "You tried to kill me, remember."

"Bah! Wotsa little attempted murder between friends?" Crowley returned, his grin evident in his voice.

"OK, that's enough chit-chat. Out with it. How can you help Sam?"

"Well," the demon drawled. "From wot I 'ear, the Moose got 'imself all tangled up wif everyone's favorite fallen angel. _Again_. But this time, 'e 'ad the _lapsit exillis_ and that made 'im go proper mental. I can 'elp."

"Could you give the accent a rest?" Dean sighed. "How can you help?"

"Tell me wot color Sam's eyes are?" Crowley said. Dean looked startled.

"Uh, well sometimes they're his normal kinda hazel color, and other times they're blue." A whistle came down the phone.

"Oh, 'e's in deep," Crowley said. "Not so deep that we can't get 'im back, but deep enuff. Right then, wot you need to do is pull out that bit o' Lucifer's Grace that's woven into 'is soul."

"Wait a second," Gabriel interjected. "We can't do that. Almost half his soul is Luci's Grace now."

"You're 'avin' a laugh!" Crowley exclaimed. "'Oo is that, anyway?"

"Oh, yeah," Dean said, almost as if it were an afterthought. "That's Gabriel."

" _Gabriel!_ " the demon shrieked. "Wot, you finally got sick of that stick up Castiel's arse?"

"I'm still here, Crowley." Cas rumbled.

"'Course you bloody are. Practically joined at the 'ip, you two. Nah, Gabriel's 'ere cos of Sam, innit?"

"You're well informed," Gabriel said icily.

"King o' Hell, remember. Lotta info passes through my 'ands." Crowley replied. "But I digress. We were discussing the Moose. You can't yank out Lucifer's Grace if it's as large a piece as you say, you'll kill 'im. Not that I would object but I'm guessin' that's off the table."

" _Crowley…_ " Dean sounded like he was scolding a naughty child.

"I'm gettin' to it, 'old yer 'orses." Crowley complained. "There's a prophecy about this."

"By which prophet?" Cas asked sharply.

"Not a Prophet of the Lord," Crowley said like there was a bad taste in his mouth. "This is one of your more demonically inspired Seers. Cato Domitius was the youngest son of a wealthy and prominent Roman family. He made a deal with the demon 'oo was King o' the Crossroads at the time, for the gift of foresight. Wrote a lot of mad stuff frankly - my predecessor was not the most trustworthy businessman."

"Are you planning to get to the point any time soon?" Gabriel growled.

"Oi! I'm 'elpin' 'ere. Out o' the goodness o' me 'eart, I might point out." Crowley said irritably.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Move it along." Dean told him.

"So this prophecy talks about the _lapsit exillis_ , and what would 'appen when it reappeared. Listen to this.

"The boy who was to be king,

His essence torn asunder,

Shall the Heart possess and claim its own.

The sacrificial man will pay his price,

The one who rebelled for love will take his due,

And the unborn child of angels,

Shall cast off his chains,

And shine in the golden light of God's strength.

"Now, that's a translation and might not be the most poetic thing you've ever heard. I'll email you the original Latin. But the Heart is clearly the _lapsit exillis._ And I think the boy who was to be king is Sam. We don't know 'oo the sacrificial man or the unborn child of angels is. My theory on the one 'oo rebelled for love is Lucifer, cos 'e always claimed 'e was cast out for lovin' God too much."

"That makes sense," Gabriel said, although his face told a different story.

"OK, fine. Poetry hour's over. What does it mean? How does it tell us how to save Sam?" Dean objected.

"There's a spell in 'ere. Actually, it's jus' as well Castiel's still moonin' around after you, Dean, because he's the only one who can make this work. It requires the invocation of 'is name. Cast the spell and Castiel can cut off the link between Sam, the _lapsit exillis_ and Lucifer." Gabriel and Dean both looked at Cas in shock.

"If you're referring to the spell I think you are referring to," Cas said stiffly. "I already thought of that, but I didn't think it would work because it is meant to make a human fall from a position of power. I don't believe anyone has tried to make it work on an angel."

"The spell doesn't differentiate," Crowley told him. "It's all in the power of 'oo casts the spell. You need someone wif serious mojo. Not you mooks. An avatar."

"What, the giant blue dudes from that movie?" Dean asked, perplexed. Cas, to his surprise, laughed at that.

"Wot are you, seven?" Crowley barked, clearly not amused. "No, you muppet. An avatar, as in a God walkin' about in 'uman form. Usually, in a vessel, bit like an angel or a demon, really. Find one of those, and then call me back and I'll tell wot you need to do next." He hung up.

"Let me see the original text," Gabriel said shortly. Dean pulled up the email on his phone and handed it over. Gabriel and Cas huddled together to look at it. After a few muttered conversations, they both looked up.

"I think the translation's a little poor. I would have translated the 'sacrificial man' as 'the man from whom sacrifice is drawn' for example. And translated that way, to make it clear that the man is making the sacrifice rather than being the sacrifice, I think it's obvious that it's you, Dean" Gabriel declared. "Also here, the 'unborn child of angels' makes no sense. The ancient Romans had no concept of angels. The literal translation here is 'the half God's son, half daughter of man who was not born but made.' It's unwieldy, I'll grant you. But the Nephilim were the offspring of the sons of God, also known as angels, and the daughters of men. So what if the translation should be 'the Nephilim who was not born but made'?"

"I agree with you on the translation," Cas said diffidently. "But what would that mean?"

'Well," Gabriel hedged, looking very uncomfortable now. Some kind of understanding must have dawned in Cas' mind because he gasped. Dean frowned at being the only one left in the dark.

"Spit it out!" he demanded.

"I think that's also Sam," Gabriel said. "I've said more than once that Sam's left humanity behind. Well, maybe now we know what he's turning into." Dean stared at him in horror. His mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Castiel looked at him in concern.

"Dean?" he prompted. The hunter just shook his head.

"No. No, no, no." He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. Cas placed a hand on his shoulder and he flinched. 'Don't touch me," he said sullenly. Cas dropped his hand and stepped away, his face so sad Gabriel felt like crying on his behalf.

Dean took a few deep breaths and then dropped his hands away from his face. "Do we know any God's walking around in human form?" he asked. Castiel shook his head, Gabriel frowned and then nodded. Dean blinked.

"I don't know for sure, but it's possible that your hunter friend, Delaval, is one. He seemed to have an awful lot of power, even for a most favored priest and he knew way too much about what was going on. Plus he had all those magical artifacts, ones that were not supposed to exist any more." Dean stared at him, horror and astonishment drawing deep lines into his face.

"Jesus!" he exclaimed.

"Now, whether he will help us is another matter." Gabriel said tiredly. "Or what price he'll extract this time." Castiel's gaze flicked between his brother and Dean.

"This is the man in Little Rock?" Cas asked. "He's an avatar? For whom?"

"Tyr." Gabriel told him. "I think. He...helped us find you when I was unable to recharge my Grace."

"I take it the cost was considerable," Cas surmised.

"You could say that." Dean said shortly. Cas peered at him. The hunter had gone very still, as if he were afraid of what might happen if he moved.

"What was it?" the angel asked.

"Don't ask me that." Dean turned away from him and walked out of the kitchen. Castiel turned to Gabriel.

"I cannot stand this any longer, Gabriel. You must tell me what's going on here. This has something to do with how things have changed between me and Dean, and these strange gaps in my memory too." Castiel was beginning to feel rather distressed. "What did Tyr ask for? I know of him, he would not settle for anything small. But I cannot conceive of what it could be that would have these effects. He did not ask for our friendship, we are still friends. So what was it?"

"I wish you wouldn't ask me, brother." Gabriel said sorrowfully, slumping down into a chair. "Dean does not want you to know."

"Very well," Castiel said. "But I _am_ going to find out." With that he swept from the room.

* * *

Castiel debated with himself. Dean had been 'getting some air' for several hours now and the angel was beginning to worry. Gabriel was down in the basement with Sam, although what he thought he could gain from watching Sam when he was being kept unconscious, Cas wasn't sure. He drifted through the bunker, not really paying attention to where he was, and when he realized he was in the garage, he turned to leave again when Dean's voice called out from underneath the Impala.

"Cas. Is Sam OK?" he asked. Cas thought about how Dean always put his brother first, even when it was to his own detriment.

"Sam's fine. I was looking for you," he told the hunter and this wasn't a lie exactly. Dean slid out from under the car and stood up, wiping his hands on a rag.

"Oh?" Dean said with studied casualness and Cas was immediately aware of the tension that once again vibrated in Dean's stance.

"You were upset. I wanted to make sure you were OK." Cas informed him. Dean gave one of his classic shrugs, the one that meant he wasn't OK but he didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm fine. Hand me that socket wrench, will you?" he said, ducking under the hood and waving a hand vaguely at the toolbox on the floor. Cas smiled to himself. Dean didn't express affection well, but very few people were privileged enough to hand tools to him when he was working on Baby. He picked up the wrench and handed it to Dean. Their fingertips brushed and Dean started so violently, he banged his head hard on the underside of the hood.

"Aargh! Son of a bitch!" he yelled, rearing back. Without thinking, Cas reached out and cupped Dean's jaw, sending tendrils of Grace forward to ease the pain and remove the bruise almost before it formed. Dean's breathing became ragged and he trembled slightly. Cas was feeling rather quivery himself. He so seldom touched Dean, the hunter wouldn't normally allow it. So the feeling right now of Dean's skin, scratchy with stubble and warm under his fingers was both the most perfect thing he could imagine and totally forbidden. Dean's reaction to this typically would be to push Cas away. But Dean was frozen, like he couldn't believe Cas had dared to touch him in this intimate way. Cas went to drop his arm and Dean's hand shot up and grasped the angel's wrist, holding him in place. Cas stared at him, astonished. Dean stared back, his gaze roaming Cas' face like he was memorizing it. The angel was riveted, noticing how the hunter's eyes kept returning to his mouth. Cas swallowed, Dean _never_ looked at him like this.

"Dean, I-" he got no further because Dean seemed to remember himself and dropped Cas' arm like it was scalding. He looked away and the moment dissolved. Overwhelmed and disoriented, Cas backed away carefully and then turned on his heel and fled.

Dean cursed to himself. He really needed to get a grip, moping over Cas like this was only going to make the angel uncomfortable and Dean didn't want to drive him away altogether. But the touch of Cas' hand on his face, the warm, almost ticklish feeling of his Grace as he soothed away the pain of hitting his head, had swamped his good sense for a moment. He looked down at his hands, which were shaking so badly he put down the wrench in defeat. He was in no condition to work on Baby's engine right now. _Fuck. What the Hell was he going to do?_


	12. Chapter 12

Cas retreated to his room, shaking and confused. He and Dean had shared a moment in the garage where all of Cas' wildest dreams had suddenly seemed pale and tame. He had carefully concealed his feelings for the older Winchester for so long, why was he suddenly losing control like this?

When he'd first realized what had happened, he had hidden his feelings out of shame, the shame of being an angel who fell in love with a human and then allowed that love to influence him and think rebellious thoughts. When he'd actually rebelled, he'd justified it as being on behalf of all humanity. Even if there was really only one human whose continued existence was of any importance to him. Afterwards, he had carefully masked his feelings because he was certain that Dean just didn't think of him in that way. He cherished their friendship and told himself it was enough.

Since he'd awoken from his coma however, Dean had been different. Staring at him when he thought the angel wasn't looking. Odd moments like the one in the garage where Dean's reactions weren't just unusual, they were actually the complete opposite of what Cas had come to expect. He didn't claim to be an expert in human emotion, but he thought he understood Dean pretty well after all this time. But there had been several instances now where for a split second he had dared to wonder if Dean might actually harbor some non-Platonic feelings in his direction as well. But then the shutters would come down, on his face and on the emotions bleeding across the anchor. That at least was typical for the older Winchester brother. But not for the first time, Cas wondered what had happened in all the gaps in his memory. And whether Dean knew why they were there in the first place. Angelic memory, unlike human memory, was a perfect record of everything that had ever happened to that angel. That memory could be wiped, as Cas knew all too well. But when that happened, it left perceptible holes. Cas had always rather envied the human ability to forget, for memory to fade and lose its power to hurt. But now, he saw it for the double-edged sword that it was. If only he could remember!

What if what had been taken from him was memories of a changing understanding between him and Dean? Which gave rise to a new question; was this the price that Tyr had demanded? That didn't really make a lot of sense and didn't explain Dean's reactions to him, sometimes drawing him closer than Cas could ever remember, and other times pushing him away so hard it hurt. It was a puzzle, and a painful one at that.

* * *

Sam's head lolled back as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He tried to reach out to Lucifer, but with the _lapsit exillis_ out of reach, he couldn't do it in his current condition. He needed to be able to sleep in order to contact his lover, and he couldn't fall asleep chained to this ridiculously hard chair. He heard the scrape of shoe leather and sighed.

"You know, sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture under the Geneva Convention," he said without opening his eyes.

"I can take care of that, if it becomes necessary," Cas said in a hard voice. Sam opened his eyes in surprise. He hadn't been expecting Cas to visit him alone. "I wanted to ask you a question."

"Where's Dean?" Sam asked nervously. He wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with the angel, especially if he was still pissed about being banished. He'd seen Cas' anger before, he did not want to be on the receiving end of it.

"Dean's not here," Castiel said tartly. Sam blinked at his tone. "I want to know what you meant yesterday?"

"What I meant about what?" Sam frowned at him, confused.

"You made a crude reference to the possibility of a sexual relationship between me and your brother. I'd like to know why you would say something like that." Sam started to laugh, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Are you serious?" he chortled. "What the Hell happened?" Cas looked completely baffled.

"You are not making sense," he told Sam. "I do not know what is going on, Dean and Gabriel won't talk to me and I have a feeling you know something." Sam sobered, but there was a cunning look in his eyes.

"Something happened to you when you were banished. What was it?" Sam asked, watching the angel under lowered lashes. Cas' pursed his lips.

"I don't see how that's relevant." he told him. Sam shrugged.

"Don't tell me then. I've got nothing more to say to you." Cas ground his teeth.

"When I re-appeared, on an expressway, I was hit by a car. The banishment had lowered my Grace to almost nothing, so I was severely injured and fell into a coma." Cas explained. "Dean and Gabriel did something to find me, I don't know what. I know it had a heavy price." He watched comprehension dawn on Sam's face.

"So that's what he meant." Sam breathed. Castiel grasped his shoulders and snarled down at him.

"What? What do you know?"

"Gabriel said that you were dying. That Dean had to give up your love in order to find you. That must be what he meant."

"My what?" Cas said, appalled.

"You're in love with Dean and you have been for years, as far as I'm aware. Or you were…" Sam looked carefully at Cas. "Before I left, it seemed that you two might actually get past just staring at each other and standing too close and actually start, you know, being together." Cas was utterly blank-faced and holding himself so rigidly Sam thought he might snap if he moved.

"Fuck." Gabriel's voice came from behind him, but Castiel felt almost detached from what was happening, like he wasn't quite present. "Fucking Hell, Sam. Why did you have to tell him that?" Sam laughed, cruelly and immoderately.

"Because it's funny. Look at him, he looks like the world just ended." Gabriel grabbed Cas' arm and tried to drag him out of the room, but the angel was utterly unmovable. "Poor Cas." Sam mocked. "You never catch an even break do you?" Castiel punched him in the face, not restraining any of his angelic strength. There was an audible crack as Sam's cheekbone snapped. Again. The younger Winchester's nose exploded in blood and Sam cried out. Gabriel tugged desperately on Castiel's arm but the angel just shrugged him off. _Shit._ Gabriel raced out of the room, he had to find Dean. Dean was the only one who could stop Castiel from killing Sam.

Dean was in the library, listlessly reading something on Sam's laptop. His eyebrows rose in surprise as Gabriel skidded into the room.

"Dean! Castiel's gonna kill Sam if you don't stop him." he gasped. Not even bothering to ask why, Dean stood up and ran out of the room, Gabriel hot on his heels.

* * *

When Dean and Gabriel got back down to the basement, Castiel had apparently stopped beating on Sam, and had switched to choking him.

"Cas!" Dean cried in alarm. "Let him go, Cas!" The angel looked up, his face contorted with rage. It reminded Dean of Rowena's animalistic spell. Had the damn thing come back? But as soon as Cas saw him, all the fight drained out of him, like someone had pulled the plug. He turned back to Sam and his anger was replaced by horror.

"Sam, I-" He took a deep breath and extended his Grace to heal the damage he'd done to Sam's face and body. Sam stared at him in terror, shaking and open-mouthed. Gabriel shuffled forward and inspected Sam closely, flicking a disdainful look at his brother. Cas gulped, appalled at his own behavior.

"Cas. A word. Now." Dean commanded and stalked out of the room. He mounted the stairs two at a time and strode all the way into the library. Cas hurried after him, terrified.

"So," Dean said forcefully, arms folded. "You wanna explain why you're beating Sam half to death?" Cas crumpled into a chair, his face distraught.

"He told me something terrible. I lost my temper. I'm sorry." he said miserably.

"Sorry doesn't really cut it here, Cas. What the Hell did Sam say to you to make you go all Mike Tyson on him?" Dean's nostrils flared with anger. Cas heaved a sigh.

"He told me what he thought you had paid to find me when I was in the hospital." Dean reared back in shock and distress.

"He did _what?_ " he almost shrieked.

"It doesn't matter. You're right, I shouldn't have taken it out on him. But we need to talk about this, Dean."

"No. No talking. No way. It's over and done."

"Dean," Cas began and Dean cut him off.

"I mean it Cas. I am _not_ discussing this." He stalked out of the library, and Cas struggled to find the courage to follow.

* * *

Gabriel eyed Sam, who was quiet and subdued after his ill-advised taunting of Castiel and the subsequent retribution the angel had exacted. Even though Cas had healed him immediately afterwards, Sam was still shaky and uncomfortably aware that he'd deserved the beating but not the healing. He would not meet Gabriel's gaze.

"That was pretty stupid, Sam," the archangel told him. Sam sighed, keeping his gaze on the floor.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'd say I didn't know what came over me, but we both know that would be a lie." His voice cracked and Gabriel wished he didn't feel so strongly about this beautiful man, because this whole situation was really ugly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the archangel asked tentatively. Sam lifted his head, and Gabriel was relieved to see his eyes had returned to their normal color.

"I feel like I'm losing control here, Gabriel," Sam said heavily. "I no longer feel like I even know who I am half the time." Gabriel couldn't hold his gaze, he hardly felt like he knew this Sam either.

"Help me," Sam pleaded. Gabriel looked up in surprise. "I won't stay like this for long, and that...other me is stronger than I am. I can't live like this and I suspect I won't. Soon, there'll be no me anymore, only him. I'm drowning, Gabriel. You said you still loved me. I don't know if you'll believe that I still love you. But whether you do or not, you have to do something. Now." Gabriel stared at him, shock and horror and dismay written across his expressive face.

"What is it you're asking of me, Sam?" he asked softly, with an awful feeling he already knew.

"It's too late to save me. But I'm no good to Lucifer or the _lapsit exillis_ dead." Sam replied, his tone dull and lifeless. _He's giving up,_ Gabriel realized and his temper flared.

"No!" he cried. "Why are you always so willing to throw your life away? I will not lose you to my brother and his vile machinations. I told you I would fix this and I will. You have to fight, Sam. Fight, and let us figure out how to help you." There was a scrape of a footstep behind him and Gabriel turned. Dean looked awful, he thought. Worse even than after Martin Delaval had cast the spell that found Cas. Sam couldn't look at him.

"Why, Sam?" Dean growled. "Why did you have to open your big mouth?" Gabriel stepped in front of the angry hunter but Dean pushed him aside as if he were a child. _Oh, shit._ Sam took a deep breath and looked his brother straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry. I...wasn't in control. I'm sorry, Dean. I never wanted this to happen." Sam hung his head. When he lifted it again, his eyes were blue once more. "But you have to admit, you've never had an interest in how Cas felt about you. A blind man could tell the angel loved you, and that you were too repressed to take a chance on it. You told me you'd just realized you couldn't live without it, right after you gave it up anyway. Well, you're still alive. So, frankly, I think you've done Cas a favor. Freed from the shackles of loving a man who would never love him back, maybe he can find some happiness. Just like the happiness I found with Lucifer until you tore me away from him." Gabriel expected Dean to react with fury, but instead his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You're right. I took Cas for granted, I ignored any hint that there was anything but friendship there. And when I found out that he…" Dean broke off with a sob and had to take a few shaky breaths. "I don't deserve him, not his friendship and certainly not his love." Gabriel winced at the hollowness in the older Winchester's voice. "And now it's too late. I hate you for this, Sam. You've done some awful things, and maybe in the grand scheme of things this is not the worst. But I don't think I can forgive you for this. I'll help Gabriel save you from Lucifer. But we're done."

* * *

Out in the hallway, Castiel listened intently to Dean's conversation with his brother. His anger at Sam's taunting had blinded him to a truth that was right before his eyes. Whatever Dean had been told, Cas still loved him. Either the spell they used had not been capable of taking that away from him, or whoever had helped them had lied about the cost. What Cas had lost, he was sure now, was a set of memories that showed things had begun to change between him and Dean. Of course, to Dean the effect would have been the same. If he had not been concealing his feelings for Dean so much recently, a return to hiding them carefully from view would have seemed just as if the feelings were no longer there. Cas felt manipulated and he hated it. But he now had hope that he could fix things. He just needed a plan. And perhaps a little help from his brother. But first, it was imperative to repair the damage that Sam had wrought, on himself, on Gabriel and on Dean.

Gabriel dragged himself towards Sam's room. Dean had offered to set him up with his own room, next to Castiel. But he hadn't wanted it. He pulled off his clothes almost absently, and when a knock came at his door, he opened it, forgetting his state of undress. Castiel was there, his eyebrow raised at Gabriel's attire, or lack thereof.

"Uh, Castiel? Are you OK?" Gabriel asked.

"Yes, Gabriel. I am. I apologize for losing my temper with Sam earlier. And I owe you a debt of gratitude. I do not know what I would have done to Sam if you had not brought Dean in to intervene." Gabriel made a dismissive gesture.

"I'm still in love with Sam, for my sins. I was hardly going to watch you beat him to death," he said deprecatingly. Castiel shook his head.

"Nevertheless, I owe you. And I am going to ask more from you in the near future. But for now, let me help you. You tried to replenish your Grace in several ways, including returning to Heaven?"

"Yes. Nothing seems to work. Maybe it can't be done." Gabriel said defeatedly. Castiel was adamant.

"No. There must be something which is blocking you. We just need to figure out what it is. Brother, will you allow me to take a look at your Grace?" Gabriel twitched. What Castiel was asking for was very personal. But he trusted the younger angel, and if it meant he could get his Grace back, then he should try. He nodded and Castiel placed his hand on Gabriel's chest. The pain as Castiel began to probe his essence was indescribable. Somewhere in the bunker, he could hear Sam screaming. That was insane, Sam shouldn't be able to feel this. Castiel withdrew, his face troubled.

"Yes, I can see it now. There is a block there, it's connected to your anchor with Sam. Somebody, probably Gadreel by the sigilwork, placed it there to make sure you would not be able to recharge your Grace." Castiel pursed his lips. "It's clever work. I would suspect that the only way you will be able to successfully refill your Grace levels is to draw it through the Grace anchor. But the pain it will put Sam through is almost beyond what a human can bear. Gadreel was clearly banking on you being too unwilling to do that to Sam until it was too late."  
"So you're sure now that Gadreel was secretly in league with Lucifer." Gabriel asked, pained.

"I think it is the only conclusion we can draw. The story about how Lucifer gained entry to the Garden has never made much sense. So maybe he had been in it with Lucifer from the beginning." Castiel replied. "But what his purpose was, I can only guess. My suspicion is that he had gained access to the _lapsit exillis_ and the stone took over his purpose and his mind. He would know that once Sam was exposed to it, he would fall in with Lucifer's plan to escape the Cage. If you had been able to regain your Grace, you would have had several avenues to foil Lucifer's plan, which would have failed before it even got started. So blocking you was crucial to the success of the scheme."

"So, what do we do? I'm still waiting to hear from Ash and how he's getting on with his device. Gadreel was certainly correct in believing that I'd do anything to avoid hurting Sam."

"Well, Gadreel would not have been able to predict Ash's involvement, so it's possible that the block will not be able to function against the device. If it works at all, I have my doubts. But I shall go to Heaven and talk with him. See if I can help." Gabriel nodded.

"That sounds like a plan. OK, I'll try to keep a lid on things here. We'll probably have to use human drugs to keep Sam out of it while you're gone. I don't want to risk him getting free. I'll go talk to Dean and see what we can do." Gabriel smiled gratefully at his brother. "Thank you, Castiel. Are you OK? You've had a busy day."

"I am well," the angel replied with a smile. "I have faith that things will work out." Gabriel stared at him, astonished. Castiel didn't elaborate, just turned and walked away.


	13. Chapter 13

Gabriel found Dean in the library, making a serious dent into a bottle of bourbon. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and sauntered over to the table, snagging the bottle and pouring himself a generous serving. He slugged half of it back in one mouthful and then dropped heavily into a chair.

"Dean, Castiel's going to Heaven to check on Ash's progress on his method for recharging my Grace. While he's gone, we need a way to keep Sam unconscious. I don't suppose you have any contraband drugs that might do the trick?" He kept his voice light, and watched the older Winchester brother closely.

"Cas is leaving?" Dean said brokenly, apparently unable to focus on anything else Gabriel had said.

"Temporarily. He won't be gone long, I promise." Gabriel told him. Dean's eyes watered and Gabriel began to feel alarmed.

"You're just saying that so I won't try and stop him!" Dean declared suddenly. He pushed back from the table and hauled himself to his feet and staggered off to find his angel. Gabriel cursed and dashed after him.

Dean had caught up with Cas in the garage. He stumbled forwards and Castiel had to reach out to prevent him from falling.

"You're leaving," Dean stuttered, his teeth chattering in the chill of the garage. Cas gripped his shoulders firmly.

"I'm going to check on Ash. We need to get Gabriel's Grace back urgently. It's the only way we can fix Sam. I will be gone no more than a few days. I swear."

"You're not coming back, are you?" Dean accused and Cas' gaze hardened.

"Do you not believe me when I tell you I am only going for two days? Have I done something to earn this distrust?" Dean reared back in shock.

"No! No, man. I'm sorry. I-, I guess I've got a lot on my mind." he said weakly. Cas pulled him in for a hug and Dean didn't resist.

"I promise, Dean. I will return." And then, to Dean's utter bewilderment, he dropped a kiss on the top of his head before releasing him. He turned and climbed into the car he'd selected and drove away before his resolve failed him.

Gabriel watched the scene between the older Winchester brother and Castiel with astonishment. Did his brother still feel something for Dean? How was that possible?

* * *

Castiel was not sanguine about returning to Heaven. He was _persona non grata_ up there, even more so than Gabriel had been. He would have to be fast and bold, and unfortunately that meant he'd have to be willing to kill more of his kin. He approached the children's playground where the door to Heaven was concealed and eyed the angel currently standing guard. Only one guard? That was odd. He peered through the gloom to see if he could recognize the guardian. Jegudiel, angel of responsibility and merciful love. They'd been friends, once. But Castiel had not seen him in a long time.

"I know you're there, Castiel." Jegudiel called out. Castiel grimaced. He did not want to kill his old friend. He stepped out from behind the tree and gave the guardian a hopeful look.

"Jegudiel. How are you?" he said formally.

"Well, Castiel," Jegudiel returned. "And you?"

"Tolerable," Castiel said with a slight smile. "I have to return to Heaven. I have something I must do."

"I know," Jegudiel replied. "I've been expecting you." Castiel stared at him.

"How?" he inquired, trying to keep the tension from his tone. Jegudiel gave him an enigmatic look.

"A mutual friend. Fear not, Castiel. I am on your side. Which is why I am alone tonight. My partner, Eremiel, is...otherwise engaged." Jegudiel's gaze flicked to a nearby bush. "Your path is free."

Castiel grasped the other angel's hand gratefully.

"You have my thanks," he said. Jegudiel nodded.

* * *

Once in Heaven, Castiel slipped quietly into the corridor and quickly found Ellen Harvelle's Heaven. He pushed open the door and blinked at the shotgun shoved in his face, then pushed it aside irritably.

"Well, you must be Castiel." Ellen drawled. He stared at her. "Never mind. You're here to see Ash. Why I have to play messenger, I have no idea." She gave him a stern look. "Dean Winchester's a good kid. You hurt him, I'll fuck you up." That should have been an empty threat, but Castiel was quite convinced this mama bear would find a way.

"How do you-" he started. She leveled a look at him.

"What Ash don't know, ain't worth knowing. And I know what he knows. Mostly." Ash chose that moment to make his entrance, swaggering in with a knowing grin on his face. Castiel stared at him.

'How did you know I was coming?" he asked. Ash shrugged at him.

"Made friends with a buddy of yours, Jegudiel. Good man. Angel. Whatever. He's been keeping an eye on things for me on earth."

"I came to check on your progress. The need to replenish Gabriel's Grace has become urgent." Ash nodded unhappily.

"Yeah, man. I know. I'm sorry. I have a prototype but honestly, it doesn't work very well. Jegudiel's been helping me test it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't." Ash looked embarrassed. "I can't figure out what the issue is."

"Are there any side effects if it fails?" Castiel probed. Ash shook his head.

"Well..." the young man hedged. "If it doesn't refill his Grace, it'll drain him completely. He'll be entirely mortal." Castiel closed his eyes, with his Grace as low as it was, it could even kill Gabriel.

"I don't like it, but I don't think it's my decision," he commented. Ash handed over the device, which looked remarkably like an old fashioned pocket calculator.

"You press these buttons here and here," he showed the angel. "Then press here, and hopefully, shazam!" Castiel nodded, that seemed simple enough. "Let me know if it works!" Ash insisted. Castiel gave a slight smile, carefully hiding his sense of foreboding.

"Of course."

* * *

Dean felt weird. Not the usual, knee-deep in monsters kind of weird but the strange, unsettling feeling that you have no idea what's going on anymore. It was probably how most people felt after hearing the 'monster's exist' talk, he thought. The easy, affectionate way Cas had hugged him, and then kissed him on his head was making his mind spin out of control. What the Hell had that been about? _Could it be…_ Dean shook himself, he didn't dare hope for anything when it came to Cas, not anymore. But he'd never done anything like this, Dean was not demonstrative and Cas probably didn't know how to be. Except what was that? Like they were an cute old married couple who were still in lo- Dean broke that thought off sharply. There was no need to go down that road. But, it did mean that Cas was coming back _. Didn't it?_

Gabriel watched Dean wrestle with confusion and a burgeoning hope that he was unsuccessfully trying to kill. Which was understandable, but it seemed pretty clear to the archangel that Tyr's wretched bargain had not proceeded quite as advertised. Whether this was a mistake, or a deliberate decision to toy with them, he couldn't say. He kept his thoughts to himself. The older Winchester had enough on his plate.

"Dean, we need to get drugs into Sam before he wakes up, now that Castiel's gone." Gabriel said gently. Dean nodded distractedly.

"We've got some dilaudid in the bathroom cabinet. That should do the trick." He strode out of the garage and headed down the hall. Once he'd retrieved the opioid, a sterile syringe and needles, he continued down to the basement where Gabriel was pacing impatiently. Sam was beginning to twitch and they needed to move fast. Gabriel held Sam's arm steady while Dean administered the drug and neither of them relaxed until Sam did, his breathing slowed and his restless movements ceased. Gabriel slumped down onto the floor, leaning against Sam's leg and taking comfort from the warmth. Dean looked down at him, sympathy and anger at Sam twisting inside him.

"So, you wanna tell me what's going on? Why Cas upped and left like that? He wasn't even going to say goodbye!" Dean's voice fractured with stress.

"Yeah," Gabriel said tiredly. "He's on a tear, but I have no idea what's going through his mind. Sam's unfortunate revelation seems to have sparked something off." Dean bit his lip, his thoughts whirling.

"So, let's say Ash's magic gizmo works, and you're all juiced up. What then?" the hunter asked.

"Well, we're back to plan A. I form a Nexus with Sam to push out Luci's Grace and replace it with mine." Gabriel held up a hand and the mutinous look on Dean's face. "We're out of options here, bucko. Every day that we wait, more of Sam's soul is gone. I don't even know if he's too far gone already." Dean paced, ill at ease.

"I still don't like it."

"Or me, if we're being honest." Gabriel pointed out. Dean flicked him an irritated glare.

"You're alright, I guess." Dean admitted. Gabriel resisted the urge to grin at him. Slow progress was better than none.

"I don't know what to tell you. If I tell you to trust me, I don't think that's gonna go down too well, is it? I love Sam. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. And I have no interest in enslaving him, I like him the way he is." Gabriel said seriously. Dean's mouth twisted. "Or was, I should say."

"Yeah, that's what you say. I think you believe it too. But what happens the first time Sam really pisses you off?" Dean replied. "You don't need me to tell you what a stubborn son of a bitch he can be."

"Of course," Gabriel said offhandedly. "But I don't know how I can convince you that I will not turn Sam into my own personal slave." Dean gave him a tight, humorless smile.

"You can't. All right, I don't suppose we have much choice. Just know that if you do take Sam's will away, if I even suspect that you've done it, I will _end_ you." Gabriel thought it might not be politic to point out that Dean had tried to kill him many times, without success.

"Fine," he agreed.

* * *

Sam drifted in a warm sea of calm and contentment. He felt strangely detached from his own body and found himself wondering vaguely what was happening. A cool breath on his ear had him turning happily to look into Lucifer's eyes.

"Sammy," the archangel crooned in his ear. "Finally. Where have you been?"

"Dean found me," Sam told him lazily. "I'm locked in the basement, I think."  
"You're not sure?" Lucifer asked, watching him intently. Sam shook his head slowly.

"They must have given me something," he giggled. "Whee!" Lucifer pouted.

"Sam, I need you to concentrate," he told him. "We've got to get you out of there."

"I guess," Sam agreed. "But later...I'm sleepy." Lucifer gripped his face firmly between his hands and kissed Sam, hard and demanding. Sam responded sluggishly, too out of it to do more than let himself be carried along. The archangel leaned back.

"What are they planning to do, Sam?" he asked seriously.

"No idea," Sam slurred. "I think I pissed them off, they don't talk in front of me. Just ask questions. Lots and lots of questions."

"And what did you tell them, Sammy?" Lucifer asked, menace threading through his voice.

"Nothing, really. I mean, nothing they didn't already know except, well, the bit about Cas. I guess that was a secret." The fallen archangel stared at him perplexed.

"Castiel? What about him?"

"I dunno. He was in love with Dean, remember. Except Dean sacrificed it to power some spell. Or maybe not, it's not very clear." Lucifer pinched Sam's nipple painfully and Sam gasped, the pain pushing aside some of the clouds in his mind.

"And the _lapsit exillis_? Where is it?" Sam shrugged.

"No idea. It'll be in the bunker somewhere. In a place with a lot of warding." Lucifer nodded.

"And where's the bunker, Sam?" Sam gave him a lopsided smile.

"Lemme draw you a map."


	14. Chapter 14

Cas slipped quietly back into the corridor, Ash's device tucked carefully into his trench coat. The hallway was empty but as soon as he closed Ellen's door, an alarm began to blare. Dismayed, he turned back to return to Ellen's Heaven, but the door was now shut tight and he couldn't reopen it. Heaven, or at least this corner of it, was in lockdown. Cas wasn't sure if it was because of him, but it seemed likely.

"Castiel," a new voice called to him and he spun around to see Remiel. _Not good, he and Remiel had never liked each other._ The older angel had chosen a small Asian woman as the form she presented, presumably this is how her true vessel currently appeared. Cas pasted on a respectful look and inclined his head.

"Remiel," he said evenly.

"You've got a lot of nerve sneaking back into Heaven like this, Castiel." Remiel told him. "I wonder what you're up to." Cas tried to look nonchalant.

"Nothing that would interest you, I'm sure," he replied. Remiel's gaze hardened.

"Indeed. In which case, perhaps you would come with me. There are some here who would like to speak with you." Remiel advanced forward and Cas stepped back nervously.

"Perhaps another time," he suggested. "I really must be getting back." A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he slumped in defeat. _He should have expected this._

"Castiel," the owner of the hand said stiffly. "This way." He was turned around rather forcefully and marched down the hall by a red-haired angel he didn't recognize. There was little point in resisting right now, so he allowed himself to be taken away.

Many angels had come out to see Castiel captured, he noted with distress. He hoped Jegudiel was not going to get into trouble. Remiel and the nameless angel paraded him, rather unnecessarily, through a substantial portion of Heaven before they arrived in a small, sterile room that Cas thought was Naomi's old office. Remiel sat gracefully in the only chair and dismissed the other angel with a wave of her hand.

"Well, Castiel," she mused. "Whatever am I going to do with you?" Cas shrugged.

"You could just let me go. I'm not a threat to you, or Heaven. I'm uninterested in whatever internecine power struggles are going on up here." Remiel made a moue of distaste.

"You're responsible for much of the current situation up here and you know it. Did you really think you would get away unpunished with all the destruction you have wrought?" Her voice quivered with outrage. Cas sighed.

"I really do need to return to earth. If I promise to return and face whatever punishment you see fit to dole out, will you let me go?" he offered. She sneered at him.

"What guarantee do I have that you would return, traitor?" She shook her head. "No, no. It is quite impossible." The door opened and Red Hair was there again. "Take him down to one of the solitary cells," Remiel ordered. "He can stay there until I decide what to do."

* * *

The solitary cell was quite tiny and the only source of light was a small skylight above. The walls were scratched with the names of other angels who had been interred here. Cas recognized a few of the names, and realized some had been imprisoned here under his stewardship of Heaven. _What goes around, comes around._ Dean and Gabriel were sure to have realized that something had gone wrong by now, but without his Grace there was little Gabriel could do. He wondered if he could get a message to Jegudiel or to Ash. He lowered his head to try and reach out to his brother when the squeak of a shoe caught his attention. He looked up. There was an angel at the door to his cell, watching him. He squinted at her, she seemed familiar but he couldn't place her. The form she had chosen was a tall, African-American woman who was quite astonishingly beautiful. Cas frowned. He didn't normally notice things like that.

"Castiel," she greeted him. Her voice was strange, like being pricked with needles and broken glass. Cas never wanted anyone to use his full name ever again. He eyed her anxiously and then recognition dawned.

"Leliel," he said, nodding formally to her. "It's been a long time." She smiled at him and it was not comforting.

"You've been very busy since last we met," she observed. "We have been watching you for some time." Cas suppressed a shiver.

"We?" he asked mildly. She smiled at him again, all teeth and no humor. Cas was reminded of a shark.

"The Aemeth. A faction within Heaven that arose after Lucifer's fall," she explained. Cas looked puzzled.

"I've never heard of you," he told her. She shrugged.

"Few have. We've been very cautious in our recruitment." Cas gaped at her.

"Are you trying to recruit me? You're wasting your time. I have no intention of involving myself further in Heaven's internal politics," he growled. She laughed at him, an appalling sound that sent a cold feeling down his spine.

"No, Castiel. You are not a suitable candidate for recruitment into the Aemeth. But we could use your help, and in return we will help you escape." Cas didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved.

"What do you want?" he asked. She beckoned him closer.

"The _lapsit exillis_ of course," she said sweetly. _Of course._

"Why? What do you plan to do with it?" he demanded.

"I'd say you were in no position to be asking such questions," she told him with a grin. "Right now the stone has its claws into Sam Winchester, does it not? You are trying to save him. For the sake of his brother of course, because since when did Castiel do anything that was not in service to Dean Winchester?"

Cas thought furiously. Leliel was well informed and not kindly disposed towards humans as he remembered. She also had a notoriously short fuse.

"You are correct. I am not in a strong bargaining position, locked in this cell. But I do have something you want and you have no other way to find it," he pointed out. "So why not just tell me who your faction are? Unless you think that telling me that will make me less likely to co-operate because you think I will disapprove. But then, if you don't tell me anything, I shall have to assume that you are in pursuit of a goal that I would oppose." Her rage came off her in waves, strong enough to make Cas rock back for a moment. He watched her closely as she mastered herself.

"Very well, you have a point," she allowed. "The Aemeth believe we have been deceived about Lucifer's fall and the Apocalypse. We think that many lies have been told, about God's most favored angel and how he came to fall from Grace. We also are convinced that many of the rules and strictures that govern angelic behavior are too restrictive. I know you are at least sympathetic to that point of view." She smiled at him with that shark's smile again, and Cas began to feel rather uncomfortable. "In particular, we feel that the strictures against certain human practices such as emotional depth and the seeking of physical sensations, to be unnecessary. I'm sure you agree." Cas swallowed. _Oh, this was really not good._

"Well, you know I felt that God wanted us to embrace free will," he said tentatively. "But in my experience many angels are not well suited to it." Leliel made a dismissive gesture.

"Of course. Most angels are sheep. But those of us who question, who believe that we can be so much more, we think we should be allowed to explore these things."

"So where does Lucifer fit into all of this?" Cas asked, with a sneaky suspicion that he knew.

"We think Lucifer has been wronged. That he has been punished out of all proportion to his offence and should be returned to Heaven to resume his rightful place. And with all the other archangels dead or otherwise unavailable, he would naturally assume the role of ruler of Heaven." Cas took a deep breath.

"And this is the part you thought I might not be happy to hear. You were correct about that. I will not help you restore Lucifer to Heaven. The very idea is anathema. You cannot be serious," he told her. She snarled at him.

"I told the others you would not be co-operative. But they were insistent. Nevertheless, we will help you Castiel. Perhaps you will be more willing to collaborate when you owe us a debt of gratitude." She touched her fingers to the cell door and it swung open. She sashayed inside and Cas stared at her in alarm. He backed away as she stalked towards him, but he had very little room to maneuver and was soon pressed against the wall. Leliel stroked one finger up his arm and then thrust her hand into his hair and tugged his head down until their lips were almost touching.

"I am so _very_ curious about human sexuality," she purred. Cas shivered in revulsion. "Come, Castiel. I know you have tasted this forbidden fruit." She closed the gap between them and kissed him. Cas shoved her away and wiped at his mouth, fighting down a wave of nausea. She pouted at him.

"I see Dean Winchester is the only one who gets to taste those luscious lips now," she hissed. "Except of course he doesn't because neither of you have the guts. We Aemeth are not so timid. And you _will_ help us, whether you want to or not." She turned and strode away, leaving the cell door open.

Cas leaned against the wall and tried to steady his wildly fluctuating emotions. He might not like Leliel or the faction she represented. But he was not going to ignore an opportunity to escape. He checked for guards but was unsurprised to see that there were none. The Aemeth clearly had significant influence. He hurried away from his cell and back to the Gate.

* * *

Waiting for Cas to return was beginning to eat into Dean's already limited supply of patience. He'd finally driven Gabriel to distraction with his pacing and biting comments, and the archangel had flounced off. Dean watched Sam, jumping at imagined hitches in his breathing or twitches of his body. Dilaudid was strong stuff, and Dean was not a doctor, but he knew there were risks. But Sam was peaceful, although he was going to have one Hell of a crick in his neck when they woke him up.

"I dunno, Sammy," Dean told him. "Gabriel wants to form this Nexus with you. And you said yes to that, once upon a time. I don't know if you would still say yes today. Angels have odd ideas about consent. My guess is Gabriel thinks the fact you agreed to this a few weeks ago means that he doesn't need your permission now. But it feels wrong. Mind you, if you said no now, I don't know what we would do."

"We will figure that out it if happens," Gabriel's voice came from behind him. Dean spun around, startled.

"And where the Hell is Cas anyway? He said a few days. He's been gone almost four." Gabriel gave him a distressed look.

"Time passes differently in Heaven. But you're right, he has been gone a very long time. I don't know what else to do but wait. I can't easily get back into Heaven and I can't contact any other angels without my Grace." A loud banging sound echoed through the bunker and Dean exchanged a shocked look with Gabriel before dashing off to find the source.

The sound was coming from the door. Dean wrenched it open, a stupid move in retrospect but he was so desperate to see Cas again it had robbed him of his good sense. He opened his mouth to berate the tardy angel and was taken aback to see the statuesque woman on the threshold. She was stunning, her skin the color of good, dark chocolate, her eyes large and luminous and her lips red and full. She was tall and willowy, like a supermodel and when she smiled Dean only then remembered how to breathe.

"Uh," he said intelligently. He felt Gabriel come up behind him and tense into a fighting stance.

"Leliel," Gabriel said viciously.. "How very… unwelcome." Dean flicked a look at him. The archangel looked like the woman on their doorstep was a monster.

"She is a monster," Gabriel said. Leliel gave him a look that spoke volumes. Bloody, violent volumes.

"Gabriel. You're alive," she said, her tone indicating that this was not a happy surprise. "My business is not with you." She dismissed him and returned her attention to Dean, flashing him a brilliant smile.

"Dean Winchester. It is so good to finally meet you. I have news for you about Castiel." Dean stepped back and gestured for her to enter. She sauntered in, with a deliberate twitch of her hips. Dean led her through to the kitchen. A curious choice, Gabriel thought.

"Coffee?" he offered as he filled the machine. She shook her head.

"No, thank you. My time is short. Castiel has been captured by Heaven. He is currently in solitary confinement." Dean whirled around to face her.

"Is he OK? Did they hurt him?" She made a quelling gesture.

"He's quite well. I have seen him. I made him an offer to help him, and you. But he seemed… reluctant." Dean gulped. "I thought perhaps you might be more amenable to making a deal."

"The Aemeth don't make deals," Gabriel said tautly. "What do you want?" Leliel ignored him.

"I have engineered matters in Heaven to facilitate Castiel's escape. He should be free soon. So you owe me," she said with a sultry look at Dean. She moved closer to him and pursed her lips when he deftly avoided her and put himself on the other side of the table.

"What _do_ you want?" Dean asked. She smiled wolfishly at him.

"The _lapsit exillis_ ," Leliel admitted. "The stone is too powerful to be roaming the earth, in the hands of humans. It's dangerous."

"Oh, believe me," Dean commented caustically. "We know." Leliel spread her hands.

"Then let me take it to Heaven, where it can cause no more trouble." Dean shook his head.

"No way. Not until we know what effect that will have on Sam." Dean had shifted into a fighting stance, Gabriel noticed.

"Sam Winchester," Leliel said with distaste. "He has been in thrall to the stone, has he not?"

"You know he has," Gabriel snapped. "And we haven't been able to break the spell." Leliel turned to him.

"Why are you even here? I am here to deal with Dean Winchester. Your presence and your interference is not appreciated." She eyed him up and down.

"Sam is my business as well," Gabriel told her. Her lip curled.

"I see. You dare…" Leliel took a deep breath. "I am sure your audacity will be punished at the proper time."

"Look, lady," Dean said. "Do you know a way to break the influence of the stone on Sam?" She inclined her head.

"Yes. If you're willing to help us, we would certainly be able and willing to help your brother. We will be in touch." She stepped around the table and backed Dean up against the wall. Her eyes roamed his face as she reached out and touched his face. Leliel pressed her mouth against his and he turned his face away and pushed roughly at her shoulders.

"Get the Hell off of me," he growled.

"Interesting," she said.

"It's time for you to leave," Gabriel stated. She flicked one final contemptuous look at him and then strode out of the kitchen. Dean shepherded her back to the door and slammed it shut behind her, leaning weakly against it.

"Who the Hell was she?" he asked Gabriel when he returned to the kitchen.

"Leliel? Angel of Night. Ghastly angel, we've never gotten on." Gabriel said idly. "She's very dangerous, and quite ruthless. She's a member of a faction in Heaven called Aemeth." Dean frowned.

"A faction? What do they want?" he asked. Gabriel looked troubled.

"Nobody really knows. Except for them. Nobody even knows who all the angels are in the faction. Leliel is one of the few openly acknowledged members. They're trouble, I know that. Raphael and Michael used to keep them in check, but with Raphael dead and Michael in the Cage, I guess they've gotten bolder."

"Huh," Dean said thoughtfully. "Come on,we better go check on Sam."


	15. Chapter 15

Sam was twitching and moaning when Dean and Gabriel returned to the basement. Dean cursed under his breath and checked Sam's vital signs.

"The drugs are wearing off much too fast. Shit. I don't know if I want to give him more, an overdose would be no joke." Gabriel touched his fingers to Sam's forehead.

"It's Luci's Grace. It's increased Sam's metabolism beyond what is normal for a human. I don't think he would overdose on even triple the amount we've given him." Gabriel chewed his lip.

"That won't be necessary," Castiel's voice came from the doorway. Dean spun around, his heart leaping in his throat.

"You're back," he said stupidly. Cas gave him a fond smile, full of welcome and warmth.

"Of course. I said I would be, did I not?" the angel said airily. "And I have Ash's device." Dean didn't care, he was just so glad that Cas was back. He swallowed, _why was he doing this to himself?_

"I heard you were captured," he said breathlessly. Cas looked surprised.

"Who told you?" he asked, a note of concern threading through his voice.

"Some weird angel chick," Dean said dismissively.

"Leliel," Gabriel added. "She came here seeking the _lapsit exillis_." Cas turned to look at him.

"She would. We need to talk about the Aemeth and what they're up to."

"Later. Tell me what Ash said," Gabriel demanded. Castiel explained the device he'd been given and Ash's warning that it may not work. Gabriel impatiently snatched the strange contraption out of Castiel's hand.

"I press here and here?" he asked. "And then here?" Castiel nodded and Gabriel pushed the buttons as he'd indicated. The device began to vibrate and then exploded in a shower of sparks and smoke. Dean coughed and waved a hand in front of his face.

"I assume it's not meant to do that," he said wryly. Castiel shook his head.

"No. Certainly not. Gabriel, did you feel anything?" Gabriel looked pained.

"My head hurts," he complained. He tottered suddenly, and then his eyes rolled up in his head and he slid gracefully onto the floor. Cas knelt beside him, and placed a hand on his head.

"Ash did say that it was a possibility if the device didn't work, that Gabriel's Grace would be drained further." His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, Dean. This was our last option."

"That's not exactly true, is it?" Dean interjected. "He could try drawing through the Grace anchor again, couldn't he?" Cas looked pensive as he looked up at Dean.

"Gabriel wasn't very keen on that idea." He looked back down at his brother, who was beginning to stir. His eyes fluttered and he groaned.

"Castiel?" he whined. "What the Hell happened?"

"I told you Ash said that if the device didn't work, it could drain your Grace to nothing. You're lucky you weren't killed." Gabriel gave a weak smile.

"Then you'd just have to resurrect me again," he said pathetically. Castiel was stern.

"With Sam in his current condition? Do you really think it would work?" Gabriel frowned and struggled upright.

"No. You're right. That was stupid."

"The Grace anchor is the only option left, Gabriel." Castiel said gently. Gabriel's face became drawn and he looked away.

"You know why I don't want to do that," he muttered. Dean's jaw set.

"We're losing Sam, day by day. Hell, hour by hour. Do it. It's the only thing we haven't tried."

"Without Sam's permission? Didn't you threaten to kill me if I overrode his will?" Gabriel cried.

"Yeah. Well. This is different." Dean said mulishly.

"No! No, it's not. Don't you see, this is how we ended up here in the first place. We made decisions for Sam, and we pushed him away. No, if we do this, we need his consent. I ask and hope that our Sam is in control." Gabriel said firmly. "Castiel, can you wake him up?" The angel nodded and his eyes went distant as he concentrated. After a moment, Sam sucked in a deep breath and his head came up. His eyes were still sleepy and subdued, but his normal color. Gabriel sent a quick prayer of thanks to his absent Father.

"Sam," he said softly. Sam looked at him, slightly confused but calm.

"Hey, Gabriel." he replied. "What's happening?"

"You asked me to help you," Gabriel said. "Well, we have a plan. But you have to agree to go along with it. I said I wouldn't make decisions for you and I meant it. So here it is. We recharge my Grace through the anchor, which we know will hurt like Hell. We can't knock you out for that, because I need you, not Other Sam in control. Then, if that works, we form the Nexus, just as we discussed a few weeks ago. As long as you are willing." Sam sucked in a breath and went still. Gabriel watched as he considered the idea.

"Yes. I'm willing," Sam said eventually. "If it's the only way to help me, then yes." Gabriel's face fell.

"That's not a good reason to say yes, Sam. A Nexus can only be broken by death. And it's not a total fix," Gabriel warned. "This will prevent Lucifer from taking over any more of your soul, but it won't break the link with the _lapsit exillis_. I also don't know what will happen to Other Sam, I suspect he'll still be around until we destroy the stone. _If_ we can destroy it." Sam's eyes rolled back in his head, and Gabriel swore. When the younger Winchester's gaze fixed on him again, his eyes were blue once more. _Fuck._ Sam began to struggle against his bonds.

"No!" he yelled. "No way! Get the Hell away from me!" He was pale and sweating, tugging at his bonds and gritting his teeth. Dean stepped forward and placed his hands on Sam's shoulders.

"Sam! Get a hold of yourself!" he demanded. "You're fine. I'm here. Come back to me, Sam. Fight this. Fight! Dammit, Sam, you've beaten Lucifer before. You can do it again. _I believe in you._ " Sam gasped and his eyes bled back to hazel.

"Dean…" he whispered. "Dean, I...don't have long. Gabriel, you have to do this now. Now!" Gabriel didn't need to be invited twice.

"To do this Sam, I must first access the anchor and reopen the conduit. Like I said, I have to replenish my Grace first, and you know it will hurt. But I'll try to shield you from some of the pain." Sam nodded, although he swallowed in anticipation. Gabriel flicked a look at Castiel, who gestured, dismissing Sam's shirt. Gabriel swallowed nervously, and then straddled Sam, an awfully intimate position for all these witnesses, Sam thought vaguely. Gabriel grabbed a handful of Sam's hair and tilted his head back, leaning forward and nipping at the skin of his neck, until he'd drawn blood in half a dozen places. He whispered incantations in Enochian, binding and powering them with Sam's blood. Then he slammed his hand against the anchor mark and a scream tore from Sam's throat.

Sam was on fire. Gabriel had pushed his consciousness down until he was in a dreamy half-aware state. Nonetheless, the pain of drawing Grace through the conduit was still agonizing. He felt as if his entire being was burning from the inside out. He wasn't going to survive this. He'd told Gabriel he was ready to die but here and now, forced to look out over the edge of his mortality, he was afraid. No Heaven or Hell awaited him now. Just the black, gaping maw of oblivion. He almost didn't notice when the pain began to fade. Other Sam howled and tore at his insides but he had to hold on just a little while longer.

When the pain finally stopped, he opened his eyes. Gabriel was golden, glorious, pulsing with power and his amber eyes were glowing, ferocious and possessive. The shadow of his wings was immense. Sam sucked in a breath. He'd never seen Gabriel like this, reminded exactly just what this incredibly powerful creature really was.

Gabriel breathed in and out slowly, feeling the sense of Grace permeating his being once more. He stretched out his wings. Since he'd missed the Great Fall, when Metatron closed the doors of Heaven, he was probably one of only a couple of angels who still had their wings.

"Are you sure, Sam?" Gabriel said, traces of his True Voice staining his tone and making the room vibrate. "There's no going back once I do this." Sam sucked in a breath, submissive instincts screaming at him to bow his head and accept this marvelous creature as his master.

"Yes. I want this. I want you. Do it." Gabriel's grin was fierce, untamed and Sam felt a primitive mix of awe and lust and fear. The archangel bit down savagely at the cords of Sam's neck, ripping a groan from deep inside him. Gabriel's head came up, his mouth stained with Sam's blood and he thrust a hand forward into his chest. Sam was vaguely aware of another Grace, warm and reassuring, brushing at the back of his mind. _Cas?_ The presence remained, watchful as Gabriel carefully unwound Lucifer's Grace from Sam's soul, all the while replacing each strand with one of his own. There was one final push, and for a moment Sam had a sense of being pushed out of his body, the briefest glimpse of looking down and seeing Gabriel in his lap. Then he was back and he felt Gabriel retreating. The sense of Cas' presence was gone too. He looked up at Gabriel in wonder.

"Wow," he commented, awe-struck. Gabriel gave him a wicked grin.

"You ain't seen nothing yet." And with a click of his fingers, he spirited them away.

"Fuck." Dean said expressively. Cas could only agree.

"I should have expected this," he rumbled. "Sam and Gabriel are in a heightened state of arousal right now. Gabriel will find somewhere quiet for them to uh, finalize the bond." Dean gulped, the deep sound of the angel's voice and the implications of what he was saying made him hot and uncomfortable. He huffed out a breath and turned to leave the basement. Cas caught him by the arm.

"Sam will be OK, Dean." the angel told him, misunderstanding his discomfort.

"Yeah. But I hope Gabriel doesn't keep him away too long." Dean replied. He looked down at where Cas was holding his arm. "Come on, I need a drink."

Up in the library and fortified with bourbon, Dean drew in slow, deep breaths and tried to calm his roiling emotions. Cas eyed him carefully, sipping daintily at his glass and considering his next move. The situation with Sam was far from fixed, but they had made a significant step forward today. And Gabriel had his Grace back, at long last. The war was not over, but this battle was won. Of course, Cas was fighting a war on two fronts. And the second front was trickier, fraught with more danger and less certain of success. He concealed his smile at his own foolishness. Not everything lent itself to a military metaphor.

As the liquor flowed the hunter began to relax, Cas noticed with considerable relief. Dean stood up to refill Cas' glass and the angel touched the back of his hand, which quivered. Dean's eyes shot to his, a mixture of shock and a deeply buried emotional need making them water. He blinked rapidly and withdrew his hand suddenly. Cas expected him to retreat, but Dean remained where he was, apparently frozen.

"Dean?" the angel pressed. Dean's hands were shaking violently now and his breathing was becoming uneven. "Dean!" The hunter jumped suddenly and stepped back, his eyes a little wild.

"Uh." Dean said intelligently. He sat heavily down in his chair and swallowed his entire glass of bourbon, then poured himself another very generous serving.

"Gabriel will take care of Sam," Cas reassured the hunter, suspecting that this was not what had disturbed Dean's orbit. But he needed to offer the hunter a retreat, if he wanted it.

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "I know. But what about me?" Cas looked curiously at him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Sam and Gabriel, I mean, don't get me wrong. I would've preferred a picket fence life for Sam, but if Gabriel makes him happy then I guess I'm glad. And y'know, maybe he would have hated the suburban life, two kids and a dog, all of it. That year with Lisa, she was great. Ben too." Cas swallowed against the sudden pain in his chest. "But honestly, I was dying inside. Suffocating." Dean supped at his bourbon in contemplation, oblivious to the angel's distress. "I think Sam would have felt just the same. So maybe this is the best thing that could happen to him. But what am I gonna do? If Sam's in a real, steady relationship, why should he hang out with me, his loser older brother?"

"You're not a loser," Cas said firmly. "You're the most incredible human I've ever met." Dean flushed and looked away, embarrassed. "Sam will still be your brother. And I'm still here."

"You'll come hunt with me sometimes?" Dean said unsteadily.

"Of course," Cas replied easily. Dean picked up the empty bourbon bottle and squinted at it, then stood up and wobbled over to the cabinet to fetch a fresh bottle. He staggered back to the table, and almost fell when he tried to sit down and missed the chair completely. Cas was ready for him, and caught him before he hit the ground. He looked down at the drunken Winchester and sighed, plucking the bottle from his hand and placing it carefully on the table.

"I should take you to bed," Cas told him. Dean gave him a lopsided grin.

"Yeah, you should," he said boldly, then gasped at his own audacity. Cas allowed it to pass unremarked. Dean was like a frightened deer, the slightest thing could spook him right now. On the other hand, how much longer was he going to let this go on? Dean deserved the truth. He hauled Dean upright and guided him towards the door. Dean allowed himself to be led, leaning heavily against the angel's side.


	16. Chapter 16

When they reached his door, Dean slumped against it and gazed up at Cas who had a determined look on his face.

"Uh, Cas?" Dean asked. "You OK?" The angel nodded almost absently and continued to stare at him. Dean started to feel a little like an insect under a microscope. He could see that Cas was trembling, his expression a combination of apprehension and something else he couldn't identify.

"I'm sorry, Dean." the angel told him suddenly. "I lied to you." Dean blinked in surprise.

"You did? Uh, about what?" Dean was starting to feel more than a little nervous himself.

"I allowed you to believe something that was not true. Actually, more than one thing, although I didn't realize it at the time." Cas said, his voice gravelly with suppressed emotion. Dean felt cold suddenly. This sounded like a confession and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

"I'm sure you had your reasons," he said lamely. "Don't worry about it." He moved to open the door to his room but Cas blocked him.

"No, Dean. I'm sorry, but you have to hear what I have to say." Dean began to shake. He was afraid, he realized. The angel reached out and cupped one hand on the back of his head and Dean's eyes widened in shock.

"Ever since you revived me in the hospital in Seattle, I have had the feeling that something had changed between us," Cas told him. "Since then, you and Gabriel were evasive and unclear about exactly what you did to find me. All I knew was that Tyr's representative on Earth helped you, but at a terrible price." Dean's breathing was ragged and his legs were wobbling. _No, no, oh fuck no._ He'd told Cas he didn't want to talk about this, couldn't deal with the angel's pity. Dean reached blindly for the doorknob and turned it, almost falling into his room. He tried to close the door in Cas' face but the angel was relentless, pushing back against the door until he stumbled backwards towards the bed and flopped clumsily down onto the edge. Cas followed him into the room, and sat down beside him.

"Sam told me that the price you were asked to pay was the sacrifice of my love for you, a love I have kept close to my heart but concealed from you for many years. You must have been at least partially aware of my feelings for you when you were asked to make this deal. I concluded therefore that what was taken from me was memories of some changing understanding between us. What exactly happened, how much you knew about how I felt about you, I don't know. But you were lied to.

"Martin Delaval lied to you. I am still in love with you, as much as I ever was. More. And yet I lied to you. I worked out what had happened a short while ago, but did not confess this to you immediately. And I did not tell you that I still loved you, when I should have." Cas looked away for a moment, overcome. Dean felt dizzy, panic and bewilderment were making his head spin and his throat close. He wheezed and spots began to appear in front of his eyes. Cas slid off the bed and knelt in front of him.

"I'm sorry Dean. Perhaps I have not made good decisions. But the crisis with Sam was more pressing and I wasn't sure my assumptions were correct. I'm still not sure. Maybe you have no interest in how I feel about you. Maybe you are repelled by it. But I will not conceal it anymore. I love you. I have loved you since my Grace first touched your soul, deep in the depths of Hell.

"It is not an easy thing, as an angel, to fall in love. I denied it to myself for a long time. And without the Grace anchor, forcing me to face my own emotional growth, I think I might never have admitted it even to myself, let alone had the courage to act on it. But you are the most glorious, shining soul I have ever encountered. How could I not love you?" Cas broke off, uncertainty radiating off him. Dean was wondering if he was dreaming, if he would suddenly awaken and all this would go away. When did anything good ever happen, to him or to Sam? Tears pricked at his eyes.

"You must not feel that I expect my feelings to be returned. I have lived for many years now without any expectation of this. But you deserve the truth. I hope it does not make you uncomfortable. You were willing to sacrifice my love to save Sam. It made me wonder if my love for you was unwelcome. But your reactions to me, to what has happened these past few days has convinced me to hope that perhaps you were not entirely opposed to the thought of being more than friends." Cas had never felt so terrified. The prospect of death, of utter destruction was nothing compared to this. He'd laid his inner self entirely bare, with no real indication of how Dean would react. No doubt he should have done this when the hunter was more clear-headed, but he didn't think a sober Dean would have listened.

Dean was silent. Cas began to tremble, had he ruined everything? Had he totally misunderstood what was going on? He swallowed and moved to stand, but Dean placed his hands on the angel's shoulders. His hands shook and he swallowed as he dipped his head down to taste the angel's lips, light teasing kisses that made Cas shiver exquisitely. Then Dean slid his hand around to the back of Cas' head and gently pulled the angel up towards him. Cas allowed himself to be drawn within a breath of Dean's mouth before he resisted.

Then he closed the gap between them. For a moment, Cas' mouth was pressed almost chastely to Dean's, before his lips parted and his tongue licked at the seam between Dean's lips. Dean opened his mouth at Cas' entreaty, letting the angel set the pace as he explored Dean's mouth tentatively before pulling back to gaze into Dean's eyes. The angel's pupils were blown wide, and he was breathing hard. He cupped Cas' face in his hands and brushed featherlight kisses to the angel's mouth, then tugged Cas closer and deepened the kiss. Cas needed no further encouragement. He pressed Dean back into the bed with a groan, running one hand down his side until it rested on Dean's hip. His other hand he slid under Dean's shirt and across one nipple, reveling in the gasp the hunter breathed into his mouth. Dean kept his hands on Cas' face. He wanted, no, he needed to take this slowly and he figured letting the angel set the pace was the best way to achieve that. Although, the insistent brush of Cas' thumb over his chest and the short pants of breath the angel was huffing through his nose and across Dean's cheek began to make him question the wisdom of that. Cas raised his head and made an impatient gesture and suddenly Dean was shirtless, the angel's mouth attached to other nipple. Dean arched under Cas' ministrations and let out a keening sound that he couldn't quite believe was him. _Oh God, Cas…_

They needed to stop. It was too soon, this was going too far and Dean flipped from arousal to panic. He shifted his hands to Cas' shoulders and shoved. The angel's head came up, his eyes were wild and savage and Dean felt his lungs constrict. But the angel quickly regained his control and sat back.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas panted. Dean patted the angel gently.

"No, I'm sorry. It's OK. But I think I need to go slow." The angel's cheeks were red and he looked away for a moment. "I don't want to mess this up. I need this to be real," Dean added apologetically.

"Of course." Cas inhaled deeply and then flicked his fingers. Dean's shirt reappeared on his body, and he let out a husky breath. They had plenty of time.

* * *

Sam blinked in the sudden sunlight, squinting for a moment before the shapes of palm trees and the sound of the ocean made it clear where he was. He gasped at the scene, a pristine white beach and the sea a brilliant turquoise color that almost didn't seem real. He turned to see Gabriel grinning at him.

"Where are we?" Sam asked.

"Guadeloupe," Gabriel told him. "It's a French Caribbean island. Pretty, ain't it?" He turned and gestured to the beach hut behind him. Although 'hut' didn't really do it justice, it was a small dwelling made of weathered wood with shutters at the windows instead of glass, and fully furnished with an enormous bed, a small kitchen and a bathroom with a huge tub and shower. Sam took it all in with a sigh. He looked down at Gabriel.

"How long can we stay here?" he asked. The archangel frowned in contemplation.

"Technically, not long. A few hours. But I can stretch that out as I choose," he gave a wicked grin and sauntered towards the bed. Sam pounced, shoving Gabriel onto the mattress and attacking his mouth with all the pent-up desire and heat that was burning inside him. The archangel groaned and writhed under the barrage. Sam pinned him down and pushed his head to the side, giving him full access to Gabriel's neck. He bit down, hard and as the taste of Gabriel's blood filled his mouth, he felt as if Gabriel was also biting at the cords of his neck, but that was impossible because of the way he was holding the archangel's head in place. He choked in shock and pulled back. Gabriel grasped his arms.

"Sam, it's OK. Don't panic. Sorry, I should have warned you. You're feeling an overflow of what I'm feeling," he said urgently. Sam drew in a shaky breath.

"Seriously? Wow," he breathed before returning to his assault on Gabriel's neck. Now he knew what was happening, it was amazing. He allowed himself to be swept along by the twin sensations of his building arousal and Gabriel's. After a moment, Gabriel flipped them over and sank his teeth into Sam's throat, and Sam growled. He allowed Gabriel to hold him in position for a minute before fighting back playfully. But Gabriel had his Grace now, and his smaller size was no longer a disadvantage when tussling with Sam. He gripped Sam's wrists easily in one hand and stared down at him, his eyes glinting golden and fierce with desire. Sam shivered deliciously, his duelling instincts to continue the mock battle and just submit to this formidable creature conflicted inside him.

"Don't fight me, Sam," Gabriel said huskily. "I need you to surrender yourself to me. I've got you, I swear." A worm of discomfort coiled in Sam's stomach and he retreated a little. Gabriel leaned back. "Hey, Sam. You're safe. Look at me." Sam looked up, his eyes giving away his encroaching fear.

"Gabriel, I-" he stuttered. Gabriel cupped a hand on Sam's jaw.

"I'm sorry. It's the final piece of the ritual and it's important. You have to trust me, Sam. You _can_ trust me, I promise." Sam drew in a shaky breath.

"Do we have to do this now?" he asked, unable to keep his voice steady. Gabriel shook his head.

"No, we can wait. But not for too long. In fact, it won't wait too long. Sooner or later, you'll yield to me. I'd prefer it if you chose to submit, rather than be overridden by the piece of my Grace woven into your soul. But one way or another, we _will_ do this." Sam breathed in and out, trying to center himself.

"How long?" he rasped. Gabriel looked thoughtful.

"A day, maybe two." Sam nodded, feeling calmer. "I'm sorry, Sam. If we'd had more time to talk about this, I'd have been able to explain it better. Take your time, we're in no hurry just yet." Gabriel waved at the beach. "Take a walk, clear your head." He got up off the bed and backed away, every movement tightly controlled. He was keeping himself carefully locked down, Sam realized, fighting against his instincts to claim Sam so he could give him space to adjust. Sam's breathing eased, realizing how much Gabriel was trying to give him control over the situation.

"Give me a few minutes," he said softly. "I'll be back soon." He strode out of the hut and onto the beach. Gabriel watched him go and bit his lip.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean really did not want to move. The feeling of Cas spooned up behind him was possibly the most phenomenal feeling he had ever encountered. But he wanted to be up and about before Sam and Gabriel returned. He shifted and Cas clutched at him. A half smile twitching at his lips, he turned to look at the angel.

"We gotta get up, Cas," he told him. Cas pouted, and Dean's smile got wider. "C'mon lazybones. Sam and Gabriel will probably be back soon."

"If it was you and me, we wouldn't be," the angel said sullenly. Dean blinked and swallowed hard at what Cas was implying. OK, that was definitely a sign he needed to get out of bed or God help him, he was going to throw caution to the wind and… He forced his mind away from where his errant thoughts were drifting. He pulled away from Cas and swung his legs out of the bed.

He padded through the kitchen and began making coffee. After a few moments, Cas appeared and he leaned against the counter watching Dean. His hairs prickled on the back of his neck at the scrutiny and he looked up. Cas gave him an uncertain smile and Dean realized that he owed the angel some kind of explanation.

"It wasn't as straightforward as you think," he said without preamble. Cas' gaze was intense. "You and me, we'd had a few moments. Nothing major or even decisive," he swallowed, his throat closing as memories of the kiss against the refrigerator flooded over him. "We uh, we kissed. Right here, against the fridge." The angel's eyes were wide. "I uh, freaked out. Badly. Totally my fault, not on you." The angel quivered, and Dean made a decision. He stepped back against the fridge, and gave Cas a look of invitation. "Maybe we should try again?"

The angel surged forward, away from the counter and pressed Dean up against the cold metal of the refrigerator door. He looked at Dean's mouth, watched as Dean wet his lips with his tongue. Cas' hands reached out and he grasped Dean's wrists, pinning them above his head. All the time he watched the hunter's eyes. Dean's pupils were blown wide and his breathing had become ragged and uneven. Cas tilted towards Dean, his mouth tantalizingly close but still not touching Dean's lips. Dean began to shiver, anticipation and need were winding tight inside him and Cas seemed to be deliberately teasing him, drawing out the moment until he went insane.

"Dean…" the angel rumbled, Dean could feel the vibration of his deep voice against his chest. _Oh, God, Cas. Just kiss me already…_ A smile curled at the edge of Cas' mouth, and then he brought his mouth down on Dean's, hot and insistent and so, so perfect. Dean surrendered immediately to Cas' tongue, his senses lighting on fire as he swept inside Dean's mouth. Dean struggled a little against Cas' hold on his wrists and he felt the amused twitch of the angel's lips, but Cas was unyielding and most definitely in charge. Gabriel's words came back to Dean in that moment and he retreated slightly. Cas felt it and eased back.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, an edge in his voice. Dean shook his head.

"Not really. I was just reminded of something Gabriel said," he admitted. "I don't really want to repeat it. But let's just say he implied that you would be uh... very dominant. In bed." Cas raised one eyebrow.

"And what would he know about it?" Dean shifted awkwardly.

"He said that seraphim have a reputation." Cas threw his head back and laughed, a loud joyous sound. Dean stared at him, bewildered.

"My brother is _still_ a trickster, Dean. Ignore him, he was just trying to mess with your head." He leaned back. "You're worrying yourself into knots over nothing. I would never do anything you didn't want."

* * *

Sam slipped off his shoes and socks and rolled up the legs of his jeans. He wandered along the shoreline, just close enough to the incoming tide that the warm seawater washed over his feet. He breathed in the salty air and felt his anxiety begin to ease. Things were moving fast, but before he'd...made a mess of things, he and Gabriel had been well on the road to this destination. His feelings for Lucifer had lost their intensity once the _lapsit exillis_ had been locked away. Here, miles away from the stone's influence, he could see more clearly than he had in weeks. He still loved Lucifer. And he loved Gabriel, had chosen Gabriel in the end. He wandered back up the beach and settled under a palm tree, watching the waves break on something hidden offshore, a reef or a sandbar perhaps.

"This really is a beautiful spot," a new voice said. Sam turned his head to see one of the loveliest women he'd ever seen, sitting on the sand beside him. Her ebony skin was flawless, her eyes were dark and lustrous and her lips were lush and inviting. Sam shifted uncomfortably, despite her evident charms, there was a hardness to her that diminished her attractiveness.

"Sam Winchester," she greeted him and although she was smiling, there was definite menace in her voice. "I have been looking for you."

"Oh?" Sam said carefully. "Do I know you?" She shook her head.

"No. My name is Leliel. I have come to talk to you about some of your… choices." Sam shuffled backwards, alarmed. "I am come as a representative of the faction Aemeth," she told him.

"Aemeth?" Sam said, thinking furiously. "That means 'truth'." She smiled at him, like a dog that had performed a clever trick.

"We wished to negotiate with you, as Lucifer's chosen consort," she said sweetly. Sam was not taken in.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"The purpose of Aemeth is to correct the lies that have been told about the most beautiful and favored of God's angels. Lucifer. We believe it is time for Lucifer to take his rightful place as ruler of Heaven. That he has been punished enough for what was really a minor infraction." Sam looked at her, horrified.

"I want no part of that," he told her. She looked surprised.

"Are you not my Lord Lucifer's chosen consort? His lover?" she demanded. Sam looked away.

"I see. You have decided to spurn the Morningstar." Leliel said icily.

"It's complicated," Sam told her.

"Very well. You do not wish to be his consort anymore? You want to be free of the _lapsit exillis_? We can help." Sam swivelled his head around.

"I don't understand. If you're on Lucifer's side, why do _you_ want me to leave him?" he asked incredulously. She leaned forward with an inviting look, but it made Sam feel cold inside.

"We believe that Lucifer should have a consort who is more worthy of the name," she purred. "An angel. Not an abomination." Sam snorted out a laugh.

"You're putting yourself forward as a candidate? He'd eat you for lunch!" he exclaimed, amused. Leliel lifted her chin haughtily.

"Do not cross us, Sam Winchester. We make dangerous enemies," she told him. Sam blinked and she was gone.

Sam returned to his contemplation of the sea.

* * *

Sam dozed in the heat of the sun. He really ought to go find Gabriel and let him know about his visitor, but the heat was making him languorous and lazy. He was startled when he felt a chill finger run down the side of his cheek. When he turned his head, Lucifer was sitting next to him. His face was a strange mixture of sad and stern.

"Running away from me, Sammy?" he asked, his tone cold. Sam gulped.

"I-" Lucifer slid his hand behind Sam's neck and pulled Sam towards him. Sam resisted, but the archangel was strong and he could not put up much of a fight.

"You're mine, remember. You gave yourself to me. Of your own free will. What makes you think I will allow you to leave?" Lucifer was angry and Sam began to shake.

"What I felt for you wasn't real, not completely. It was the _lapsit exillis,_ exerting it's influence over me. The things I did… I can never atone for. But I am free of you, and of it." he said defiantly, although the quiver in his voice ruined the effect.

"Sam," Lucifer said reproachfully. "You think you can just walk away? From me?" He jerked Sam forward and crushed his mouth to Sam's. Sam shivered in fear and arousal, unable to resist the insistent press of Lucifer's tongue and lips. Lucifer slithered his hands under Sam's shirt and tweaked cruelly at his nipples. Sam gasped and writhed, part of him desperate to get away and the rest of him unwilling to stop. Lucifer tugged open his pants, and thrust his hands inside. Sam arched under him, groaning and incoherent. Just before Sam tumbled over the edge, the archangel suddenly stopped moving and drew in a shocked breath. His hands disappeared so quickly, Sam cried out. When he opened his eyes, he almost wished he hadn't. If he had thought Lucifer was angry before, it was nothing to the fury he witnessed now. Lucifer's eyes were glowing with his Grace and Sam was certain that he was in serious danger.

"Gabriel!" Lucifer roared. "What has he done to you, Sam?"

"Uh, the Nexus…" Sam answered nervously. Lucifer shoved his hands roughly into Sam's pants again, rough and insistent and Sam cried out.

"No!" Lucifer growled. "You are mine."

"Oh, God!" Sam gasped, fighting against his building climax. "No, not yours. No!"

"Really, Sam? You think you can give yourself to Gabriel instead?" Lucifer snarled. "I think not."

* * *

Gabriel had a sudden sense that something was very, very wrong. He jumped up from the chair where he'd been sitting and raced over to the beach. Where the Hell was Sam? He looked left and right in panic, surely it was impossible for the giant hunter to hide in this wide open space. He spotted a figure slumped against one of the palm trees a good distance away and with a thought flew to his side. Sam was disheveled, lounging against the tree, his eyes closed and he was breathing hard. Gabriel looked at Sam's body and swallowed. Apparently Sam had been having a very good time indeed.

The sudden shadow blocking the sunlight made the young Winchester twitch and stir. He lifted his head, and squinted.

"Gabriel?" he slurred. "Uh. What's going on?" Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek. He must not lose his temper, this was not Sam's fault and if he got angry now, it would only make things worse. Sam's attention was drawn to his open pants and the evidence of his recent encounter with Lucifer. _Oh, fuck._ He stared at Gabriel and tried not to look guilty. "Uh. I uh...better straighten up." He pulled himself to his feet and fastened his jeans as a shield. He did not want to have a fight half-dressed, it left him feeling too vulnerable. But Gabriel didn't seem to have any fight in him. He looked tiredly at Sam and _oh God, he felt like a total shit._ He couldn't speak, his throat seemed to be closing and he wheezed.

"So," Gabriel started, his voice rusty and old. "You've been having more dreams of Lucifer."

"Well," Sam hedged. "Not really." _That wasn't a lie_ , he told himself. _Lucifer was talking to him in his head, not visiting him in dreams._

"I would appreciate it if you would not _lie_ to me, Sam." Gabriel said, his efforts to keep his temper under control cracking under the strain. Sam gulped.

"I wasn't lying," he defended. "I was awake."

"I see," Gabriel said icily. "And were you going to mention this…" Sam slumped. No, he was not going to be able to get out of this.

"No." Gabriel looked like he wanted to throw up.

"And telling him to go away, or calling for help didn't occur to you." The archangel sounded bitter. Sam couldn't look him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to, but when he's with me I don't seem to be in control of myself. Even so far from the _lapsit exillis,_ I still feel drawn to him." he confessed, choking on a sob. Gabriel sighed.

"You're still in love with him, even after everything? Of course you are." Sam opened his mouth to object and Gabriel held up a hand. "Sam, you made your decision. We need to complete the Nexus. We _must._ I will break the hold Lucifer has over you if it kills me." Sam pushed away from the tree and walked away, back towards the beach hut. He fought back his temper, Gabriel had every right to be angry with him and he needed to get a grip. He wasn't even sure if it was his own anger he could feel. Gabriel grabbed his arm and transported them into the hut and shoved Sam against the bed. His eyes were hard and his stance rigid. Sam gulped. He watched as Gabriel struggled with his fury, tamping it down and slowing his breathing.

"Sam," he said firmly. Sam eyed him for a moment, his blood pounding in his ears. This was Gabriel, he was safe. He could do this. He breathed. In, out. In, out. Then he sank to his knees, looking up at Gabriel and poured everything he felt into his gaze, offered everything he was to the archangel. Gabriel's body lost its stiffness and his gaze softened. He cupped Sam's face with his hands and bent to taste his lips. Gentle, teasing kisses fluttered over Sam's lips.

"You surrender yourself, completely, to me?" he whispered against Sam's mouth.

"I yield myself to you," Sam said formally, the correct words forming in his mind.

"Show me," Gabriel said. Sam looked uncertain.

"How?" he asked. Gabriel arched an eyebrow at him and Sam bowed his head. He felt pressure on the back of his head and sank down further, almost touching the floor with his forehead. He quivered, afraid suddenly of what he had done in submitting to Gabriel like this. He tried to quell his rising panic, but he couldn't. His breathing began to come more rapidly and he was shaking violently. Fuck. _Fuck._

"Sam," Gabriel said again, gentle this time. Sam looked up and Gabriel beckoned him up. He looked down again but stood up warily and waited, unable to meet the archangel's eyes. "Sam, it's done." Sam kept his gaze firmly on the floor. "Sam. Look at me, Sam." He raised his eyes slowly to meet Gabriel's gaze, which was shining, warm and loving. His breath caught in his throat. The archangel carded one hand through Sam's hair with a slight smile, then tangled his fingers into the strands and tugged Sam's head down to his level and crushed their mouths together. Sam hesitated at first and Gabriel eased back, coaxing him with soft, close mouthed kisses. He leaned back and looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I should not have gotten so angry. I knew how strong a hold my brother had on you," he said sorrowfully.

"No," Sam replied. "You were right. I've treated you very badly and I should be grateful that you're willing to overlook or forgive so much. _I'm_ sorry," he dropped down onto the bed, his gaze on the floor once more. Gabriel swallowed, this was not how he wanted things to start out. He sat down next to Sam and put one arm across his shoulders. With a wordless sound, Sam curled into him, wrapping himself around Gabriel and shuddering as he wept copiously. Gabriel flicked a hand to reposition them properly on the bed, allowing Sam to cuddle into him and let the storm of tears pass, stroking a soothing hand up and down Sam's back and burying his nose in Sam's hair. His own tears threatened and he let them fall.

They lay there, crying together as a soft breeze blew in from the sea. After a while, Sam calmed and he dried his eyes unashamedly on Gabriel's shirt. He looked up and was shocked at the wreck of Gabriel's face. His nose and eyes were red and his face wet. Sam placed one hand on Gabriel's cheek.

"Oh, God, Gabriel. I don't know how to apologize to you for all of this," he said inadequately. Gabriel gave him a watery smile.

"Sam, it's OK. We're fighting back, you and me." He clutched Sam's face and kissed him fiercely and Sam responded instantly, desperate and needy. Sam leaned back and tilted his head in supplication and Gabriel didn't have to be invited twice. He worried at the spot on Sam's neck where he'd drawn blood earlier, then swirled his tongue over the wound and Sam groaned, before tucking his head into Gabriel's throat and biting down hard. This time Sam was starkly aware of the electricity of Gabriel's Grace sparking in the taste of the archangel's blood. It made heat coil in his abdomen and he swallowed the flavor greedily.

"Gabriel…" he breathed. "Love you…" He nuzzled his nose into Gabriel's neck and licked at the skin, tasting sea salt and sand. Gabriel let Sam push him back on the bed and pin his arms above his head. Sam shoved the archangel's shirt up and suckled at each of Gabriel's nipples. The archangel arched under his ministrations.

"Sam!" Gabriel yelped. "Oh, my love!" He waved a hand and dismissed the shirt entirely.

"Hey!" Sam objected. "No cheating." Gabriel grinned at him, unrepentant. Sam's eyes glinted at him and then he straddled Gabriel and pulled his own shirt over his head. He used the shirt to tie Gabriel's hands together, smiling to himself in memory of doing this once before. Gabriel pouted and he nibbled at the protruding lip, then slanted his mouth over the archangels and sought entry with his tongue. Gabriel's lips parted easily and their tongues entwined, drawing moans from both of their throats. Sam fiddled with the fastenings of Gabriel's pants and shoved them down over the archangel's hips and drew a shuddering breath when Gabriel huffed out a breath and vanished all of their clothing with a twitch of his fingers. He suddenly rolled them over and straddled Sam, bucking his hips and grinding their bodies together with a delicious friction that made Sam clutch at the bedclothes and pant. Gabriel adjusted his position slightly, so that he was poised with Sam pressing gently at his entrance and then slammed his hips down hard. Sam howled at the incredible sensation of being deep inside Gabriel, hot and tight and so, so good. The archangel set a punishing pace, fast and hard, but it was exactly what they both needed. Sam gripped Gabriel's hips and held on for dear life.

All too soon, Sam could feel the approaching peak and he gripped even tighter, hard enough to bruise if Gabriel had been human. The archangel threw his head back and cried out his climax as Sam reached his own crescendo, shouting Gabriel's name. Grace blazed through him, as he felt his soul and Gabriel's Grace entwine, the feeling more intense than anything he'd ever felt before. Sam burned in his love for Gabriel and he'd never felt more complete.

 **A/N I just wanted to thank everyone who has been reading, leaving comments and following and favoriting. You guys rock, as always.**


	18. Chapter 18

Decamping to the TV room had seemed like a safe option but now they were entangled on the couch, Dean thought he must be out of his mind. Cas nuzzled at Dean's shoulder, then nibbled up his neck and crushed Dean's mouth below his. Dean shivered and tugged at Cas' shirt. Cas slipped it off then slid his hands under Dean's shirt and danced his fingers across his skin, drawing groans and quivers from him until they were both panting and gasping and clawing at each other. He jerked Dean's shirt off and laved one nipple with his tongue, then the other. Dean's breathing hitched.

"Cas, I…" he swallowed the rest of that sentence when the angel looked up at him. Cas' eyes were almost black, the pupils were blown so wide and the look on his face was possessive. Cas pinned Dean to the couch and attacked his mouth with determination. Heat pooled in Dean's abdomen and he shivered as Cas nibbled along his jaw then bit the lobe of his ear. Gabriel's words suddenly echoed in his mind. Had Cas _decided_ to take him to bed now? The angel had shed some of his own clothing at last and for a moment Dean almost gave in. Cas was spectacular, and he wanted this more than anything, and yet something was holding him back. He pushed at Cas' shoulder and the angel raised his head from his attentions to Dean's nipples.

"Was he right?" he gasped. Cas blinked.

"Who? About what?"

"Gabriel. About you." Cas swallowed.

"No. I told you."

"Cas, I'm not asking if you'd force me into something I didn't want to do. I'm asking if you would find dominating me to be...uh...exciting." The angel remained silent. "You know what, never mind."

"No, Dean...I…" Cas struggled with himself for a moment. "Would you want to be... mastered?"

"Is this...would you expect me to…" Fear clawed at Dean's throat. "Like Sam and Gabriel?" The angel's look softened.

"No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous." He rubbed his hand up and down Dean's arm reassuringly.

"Uh." Dean breathed shakily. "Then, yeah. Maybe. Uh." It was like he'd flipped a switch. Cas launched himself at Dean's mouth, pushing his lips apart with his tongue and holding his head firmly in his hands. He grabbed Dean's hands and pinned them above his head, then bit down hard on Dean's neck. He dismissed Dean's jeans with a gesture, and began to lick and bite a trail across Dean's chest, down across his stomach until he reached the waistband of the hunter's boxer shorts. Dean writhed and Cas tugged him upright, releasing his grip on his wrists. Freed, Dean dived in to taste the skin of Cas' chest. The angel's nipples were apparently _very_ sensitive and as Dean flicked his tongue across each one, Cas' head went back and he gasped. Dean skimmed his hands down Cas' sides and then with one hand, unfastened his pants. Cas looked down, and then twitched one hand. The pants vanished along with his underwear and Dean stared. God, Cas was magnificent. He swallowed and Cas was on top of him again, making an inarticulate growling sound against his stomach.

"Cas…" Dean moaned. "Oh God, Cas." They'd let this go much farther than Cas had intended and the angel's grip on his self control wavered.

"Dean," Cas gasped. "Dean, I can't...we have to stop. Or else we won't stop until it's too late." Dean stared at his angel. His. _His._ And suddenly he wasn't afraid anymore.

"Then don't stop." he whispered. Cas hesitated. "Don't stop, Cas."

* * *

When his eyes flickered open, Sam was momentarily disoriented until he recognized the dim shapes of the furniture from his room. Gabriel had brought them back to the bunker while he'd dozed it seemed. He felt strange, a sinuously curling desire for violence inside him. His blood pounded in his ears. He looked down at Gabriel's sleeping form and his mouth distorted contemptuously. So the archangel had gotten what he wanted from Sam, and broken some of Lucifer's claim on him. He pulled away and searched blindly for some clothes. He blinked when the room suddenly flooded with light.

"Going somewhere?" Gabriel said lazily but with a shade of menace that made Sam gulp. He looked away.

"I'm thirsty," he lied. "I was just going to get a drink." Gabriel rolled out of bed and faced him, his face stern. The fact that the archangel was stark naked didn't seem to detract from the sense of power that radiated off him. Other Sam blinked blue eyes at him.

"Let him go," Gabriel demanded. "You've lost. I own Sam's soul now." Other Sam gave him a twisted grin.

"You don't have the power to banish me. And even if you find a way, I can drive Sam mad before I go. He'll end his days a vegetable, locked inside his own mind," Other Sam snarled. Gabriel shifted, and Other Sam realized too late what was happening. Emotion flooded through the bond, love and desire and possessiveness and need. It washed over him in a wave and he fell to his knees. When Sam looked up again, Gabriel sagged with relief. His Sam was back in control.

"Let's go find Dean and Castiel," Gabriel suggested. Sam nodded, unable to speak.

* * *

Dean and Castiel were curled up together on the couch in the TV room, watching some TV period drama about British magicians. They were only half-dressed and there was no question about what they had been doing. Gabriel and Sam gaped at them, and when Castiel lifted his head, he gave them a quelling look. _Say nothing,_ the look said. Gabriel nodded and Sam hunched his shoulders.

"Gabriel, Sam. You're back," the angel greeted them. Dean turned his head and then scrambled away from Castiel.

"Uh, hi," he said, his face red. _Oh, boy._ Gabriel took pity on him, Castiel could explain later.

"We've completed the Nexus," Gabriel told him. "But we still have the problem with the domination of Sam's mind by the _lapsit exillis._ I can try and keep things under control, now that we've replaced Luci's Grace with mine. But the _lapsit exillis_ has it's own source of influence on Sam. We need the spell Crowley referred to. We have to try it." Castiel nodded in agreement.

"I still don't think it will work, but we have no other option."

"Then we have to go see Martin," Dean stated. He jumped off the couch and strode out of the room.

"Castiel?" Gabriel said inquisitively. "What's going on?" His brother flushed.

"It seems the bargain you struck with Tyr did not turn out quite as expected," Castiel said, as if that explained anything. "He did not destroy my love for Dean."

"Apparently not!" Gabriel smirked.

"Probably, he could not." Castiel added a little smugly. "But what he did take were my memories from the last few weeks. Dean and I had started to change the nature of our relationship, as I understand it. Haltingly perhaps, and Dean was not necessarily quite sure of what he wanted. When you revived me in Seattle, I lapsed back into my previous habit of keeping my feelings firmly under wraps and so to you and Dean it must have seemed exactly as Martin Delaval had promised, that my love had died. While you were gone, I took the opportunity to explain what I had figured out to Dean." He looked away. "We came to an… understanding." Gabriel sniffed the air theatrically.

"Quite."

* * *

Other Sam slipped out of the bathroom and looked left and right down the corridor to the basement. He only had a few minutes before Gabriel would come looking for him, and he had to get his hands on the _lapsit exillis_ again. There was no sign of his brother or the archangel, so he hurried down the stairs and looked around for any sign of where the box had been hidden. Nothing. _Fuck_. He headed back up the stairs and jumped when he heard the unmistakable gait of Dean coming down the hall. Out of options, he dived into his brother's room. If Dean came in here, he was busted. He poked through Dean's discarded clothing, and a few items on the nightstand but came up empty. It was too much to hope for that Dean had been as stupid as he had been last time. Dean's footsteps were close. Other Sam cursed under his breath and wriggled under the bed. He held his breath as Dean entered his room and watched his feet as he moved back and forth. He was looking for something. Then, miracle of miracles, he turned and left the room. Sam huffed out a breath of relief and stretched out one hand, which grazed past something hard and smooth. His breath caught. How had he not detected it here? He dragged the object towards him and shuffled out from under the bed. He gazed happily at the ebony box and flipped open the lid. _Dammit._ The stone wasn't here. They'd obviously decided that the box's warding was not sufficient. So where had they hidden it?

Sam had one last place to check. Cas' room. It was risky, the angel would smite him into next week if he caught him poking around in there. But he _needed_ the stone so badly it hurt.

He tapped on Cas' door, readying some excuse if the angel should turn out to be inside. But no answer came and he tried the knob. It turned easily in his hand, and he darted inside.

Cas' room was the opposite of Dean's, neat and tidy with few personal items. Sam rifled through his drawers, feeling a little uncomfortable pawing through the angel's underwear. He was being idiotic, the _lapsit exillis_ would reach out to him if just centered himself and let it speak. He slowed his breathing, concentrating on the placed inside him where the stone had tethered itself. It wasn't in this room, he could feel that now. _Dammit. Where had Dean hidden it this time?_

* * *

Sam and Gabriel were entwined on the backseat of the Impala. Dean wasn't entirely happy about that, but all things considered, he'd could hardly object. He glanced at Cas, who was gazing out of the window, watching the world flash by.

"Is there any reason why we are driving to Little Rock?" Cas asked suddenly. Dean frowned at him. "Gabriel has his wings, he could have flown us there in no time."

"Not unless you wanna bounce back like a rubber ball," Gabriel said indolently from the backseat. If Martin Delaval really is an avatar, the warding around his home against unexpected visitors will be considerable. It wouldn't hurt me or you, but Dean and Sam could be killed."

"I suppose you are right," Castiel replied. "But I feel like we're running out of time." Gabriel sat up.

"What do you mean?" he asked sharply.

"It's difficult to explain," Castiel said thoughtfully. "I just have this sense that the hour is very, very late."

"That doesn't make sense," his brother told him. "If anything, we bought ourselves some time when I formed the Nexus with Sam."

"I can only tell you what I feel," Castiel said, his eyes distant. Gabriel peered at him suspiciously. Other Sam observed the whole conversation quietly from his position partially underneath Gabriel. He smiled to himself, releasing his control over Sam's body before Gabriel noticed.

* * *

"We're gonna have to stop for gas," Dean announced as he pulled into a small gas station. As soon as the car stopped, Sam wriggled out from under Gabriel.

"I'm just gonna hit the restroom," he told him. Gabriel watched him go, debating whether to follow when Cas gave out a cry.

The restroom was not very clean and was badly lit by one flickering fluorescent tube. Sam felt dizzy and sick, and turned on the faucet, splashing some water on his face.

"Well, this is charming," Leliel observed. Sam jumped in shock.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"We miscalculated," she told him. "It seems the _lapsit exillis_ is exceedingly fond of you. I thought I could just take it from the bunker while you were otherwise engaged, but the stone would not let me travel more than a few miles from you. I am not inflexible, however. So here is the new bargain." She produced the stone and Sam gulped, his desire for the touch of the _lapsit exillis_ making him twitch. "You need the stone. And right now it seems, we need you to have it. We need you to break open the Cage and set the Morningstar free."

"How?" Sam asked, his body burning from the proximity of the _lapsit exillis._

"Take the stone, focus on Lucifer. Once you've made contact, he will guide you through the process," she explained with the air of one who has to explain things to morons.

"I don't have much time," Sam told her.

"It will not take long. Not if you start now." She handed the stone to him and he gasped at the sensations of power, of the lust for violence that shot through him. Leliel then handed him a talisman, fashioned from bone.

"This will keep Gabriel and Castiel from detecting the _lapsit exillis._ For a few hours at least. But now is your chance for freedom. You can cast off Gabriel, Lucifer too if you choose. Perhaps you will put in a good word for me," she smiled at him. Sam nodded, keeping his sneer to himself. "We will be in touch." With a flutter of wings, she was gone. Sam wondered how it was she still had her wings. But he had a task to perform. He entered the one cubicle and locked the door.

Cradling the _lapsit exillis_ in his hands he whispered to it of his happiness to be with the stone again, of how he needed the stone to help him contact Lucifer. He quivered when he felt a cold breeze waft at this back.

"Sam," Lucifer said distantly. "I must say this is a surprise. Weren't you planning to discard me, like last year's fashions?" Sam turned and gazed at him, his blue eyes blinking back tears.

"I see," Lucifer said more warmly. "You've got the _lapsit exillis_ back. Well done, Sam!" He surged forward, placing his hands on Sam's waist and kissing him thoroughly. Sam allowed himself to indulge his desire for a moment then pulled back.

"We don't have much time. The Aemeth helped me regain the stone and they want me to use it to bust open the Cage. Leliel said you could help me do that." Lucifer gave a sinful grin.

"Leliel and the Aemeth? Well, well, well. Tell me Sam, does she still aspire to warm my bed?" Sam nodded, disquiet worming through him and Lucifer's grin turned vicious. "She always was… singular in her focus. Sam, let me guide you through what to do. But you know, doing this will set Michael free too."

"It's urgent. Dean and Cas have a way to destroy the _lapsit exillis_ altogether. We have to act now." Sam said desperately. Lucifer's face turned hard.

"Then you're right, we have to do this now. OK, Sam. This is what you need to do…"


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N I'd like to give a shout out to my awesome new beta, shadowtoby who is now working with me!**

As the Impala ate up the miles, Cas became increasingly agitated. Dean kept glancing at him helplessly, the angel winding himself into an ever more panicked state. Eventually, he pulled over and cast a glance at Gabriel and Sam, who were watching the whole scene nervously, then grabbed Cas and dragged him close. Cas responded immediately, burrowing into his clothing and tucking his face into Dean's neck. He shuddered and whimpered against Dean's skin.

"Cas?" Dean asked gently, stroking his hands down the angel's back. "Hey, Cas. What's going on?"

"I don't know!" the angel cried, his teeth chattering. "Something bad…"

Dean turned a terrified look on Gabriel, who reached out with a hand and clasped the angel's shoulder.

"Castiel," Gabriel said firmly. "Look at me."

Castiel looked up and Gabriel extended his Grace towards him. Castiel's Grace recognized his brother and they brushed past each other. Gabriel gave a gasp and withdrew.

"Castiel's Grace is being called," he said, his voice wavering with shock.

"Called?" Dean barked. "What does that mean?"

"It means I am about to receive revelation," Castiel said, shivering. "From God, or one of his mouthpieces." His eyes rolled up in his head and he slumped against Dean's side. He remained like that for a few moments, then his eyes fluttered open again.

"Well?" Dean demanded. "What did God have to say for himself?" Cas looked confused.

"It was Michael. The Cage has been broken open. Martin Delaval is in danger. Lucifer has found him."

Dean cranked the engine and yanked the gear lever into drive, before stamping on the accelerator and roaring away.

* * *

Martin's Auto Salvage was quiet, and even the motion sensitive lights on the gate were out. This did not look good, to Dean's eyes. Sam had tried to call Martin several times from the road, but every time it just rang through to voicemail. Dean inspected the padlock on the gate. It was an expensive one, and would not be quick to pick. Gabriel gave him an amused glance and snapped his fingers. The padlock fell to the ground in pieces. Dean grunted and tugged the gate open.

Moving through the junkyard cautiously, with only their flashlights to guide them, it soon became clear that something serious had happened here. Cars had been tossed left and right, and many had been torn in two.

"How does this look to you?" Dean muttered to Sam.

"Crappy," Sam returned. He frowned and nudged a piece of debris with his foot. "There's blood on this bit."

He shone his flashlight on the ominous red stain. Dean nodded stiffly and prowled forward, feet silent as a cat. Sam and Castiel fanned out behind him and Gabriel brought up the rear.

Sam peeked in the window of the office to see Martin tied to a chair, blindfolded and gagged. He made a few gestures to Dean to communicate this. Gabriel didn't understand the hand signals, but his connection to Sam was so strong now, he could read the meaning though the bond.

Dean kicked the door open with one swift movement and they piled into the room. Sam and Dean with their guns at the ready. Castiel and Gabriel with their blades in their hands.

Sam dashed forward to help Martin while Dean checked out the room, but there was nobody else there. Sam pulled Martin's blindfold off and rocked back in horror. The old man's eyes had been removed, only bleeding sockets stared sightlessly at him now. The blindfold had been a makeshift bandage it seemed. Martin made a wordless sound and Sam gagged. He removed the gag around Martin's mouth to verify what he suspected. Whoever had gouged out Martin's eyes had also cut out his tongue.

"Dean," Sam panted, nauseated. "Martin's in really bad shape." Dean looked over and Sam heard his indrawn breath. There was a strange whooshing sound and Cas and Gabriel cried out in alarm. The Winchesters turned to see the two angels trapped in a ring of burning holy oil.

" _Fuck!"_ Dean swore. He looked around for the source and almost collapsed at the sight of Lucifer, wearing the same blond-haired vessel that Dean remembered from the Apocalypse. He was leaning casually against the wall, a smug grin on his face. Dean felt Sam go rigid beside him.

"Sam," Lucifer said easily. "Thank you, my darling." He sauntered over until he was standing only inches from Sam, and slid one hand up over his chest. Sam shivered, then bent his head and kissed him. Dean choked and staggered back and he realized that Lucifer must have known about the spell they had planned to attempt.

"Sam!" he cried out at the same time as Gabriel let out an inarticulate howl. Lucifer took his time, kissing Sam thoroughly and enjoying the pain and horror the vision generated. Then he reluctantly released Sam and ambled over to where Castiel and Gabriel were trapped.

"Gabriel," he snarled and made a gesture with one hand. Another wall of flame sprang up, separating Gabriel from Castiel. Lucifer dismissed the holy fire around Castiel and the angel lunged forward.

"Castiel, no!" Gabriel shouted, frantic. But either the angel didn't hear him, or he didn't understand the warning, because he thrust his blade forward with all the force at his command. The expression of disbelief on his face, when he felt the blade penetrate his own chest, was only momentary before he collapsed to the ground. Then he screamed, his Grace blazing as he died. Lucifer looked down at him, his face slightly sad.

"Castiel," he said in a disappointed tone. "You never learn." Dean was shrieking something and firing his gun at him in a futile expression of rage and grief, but Gabriel couldn't understand him. He couldn't understand anything. He stared at Sam, who stood watching Lucifer, his blue eyes sparkling. He dug one hand in his pocket and pulled out the _lapsit exillis_. Gabriel blinked. Where the Hell had Sam gotten his hands on that again, and how had neither he nor Castiel noticed? The stone glowed malevolently and the silvery trail of Castiel's remaining Grace rose up from his dead vessel and disappeared into the emerald's depths.

"No, Sam," Gabriel begged. "Please, you have to fight." Sam grinned at him and winked, and Gabriel swallowed. _Oh fuck, he had a bad feeling about this._ Sam sauntered over to Lucifer, who rewarded him with another searing kiss. Sam unbuttoned the archangel's shirt, sliding his hands over his pale skin and biting a trail along Lucifer's neck that made him quiver and gasp.

"Oh, Sam," Lucifer panted. Sam deftly unbuckled the archangel's belt and unfastened his pants, thrusting his hands inside. Lucifer's head fell back, his face ecstatic. Gabriel wanted to turn away but he couldn't. There was a terrible sense of doom pounding at his head but he was powerless, trapped inside this fiery circle. He watched in appalled horror as Sam drove Lucifer to the peak of arousal, and then with two quick movements grabbed the archangel's hand which still held his blade and thrust it up under Lucifer's chin and through his head. Lucifer had barely a split second to register his shock and then he screamed out, his Grace blasting out a shockwave that blew out the holy fire around Gabriel and knocked Sam and Dean to the floor.

Gabriel watched Sam like a hawk. Other Sam was still in control, his movements more fluid and loose-limbed than his Sam. He pulled himself upright and surveyed the room, his blue eyes delighted. He looked down at Lucifer, a smile tugging at his lips then looked up to meet Gabriel's eyes.

"Well," he said easily. "That wasn't as difficult as I thought." He stalked towards Gabriel and the archangel shrank back. Sam pouted.

"Come on, Gabriel. I know he was your brother, but don't tell me you're sorry he's dead? His hold over me is gone now." He closed his eyes and shivered in enjoyment. Gabriel felt cold inside.

"Sam," he croaked. "Sam, what's happening?" Sam gave him a crooked smile, that looked totally alien on his face.

"Lucifer overplayed his hand," Sam told him. "The _lapsit exillis_ decided it was time to end the charade. It's pity really, he was a very good fuck. But all good things must come to an end." He gave Gabriel a soft, affectionate smile that somehow looked really creepy. "We're free, my love." Gabriel looked away. Sam followed his gaze, to Castiel's body lying at his feet. He knelt down, and touched his hand to the dead angel's face. Then he looked up to see his brother, face devastated, staring at Sam like he was a stranger. Dean crawled on hands and knees towards him, tears running freely down his face.

"Get away from him, you son of a bitch!" he snarled, pushing Sam away. Sam shrugged, unconcerned.

"Come on, Gabriel," he said. The archangel stared at him. "We've got the _lapsit exillis,_ unlimited power at our disposal _._ We can do anything we want."

"Fine," Gabriel bit off. "Bring Castiel back!" Sam sighed.

"I can't. He's inside the emerald now." Gabriel closed his eyes in pain as he realized what he had to do. Then he tugged ruthlessly at the Nexus between him and Sam, and watched as the young Winchester turned white and collapsed unconscious to the floor.

Dean was choking and sobbing next to Castiel. Gabriel ached for him, and for himself. This was his fault. He was supposed to be keeping Sam under observation. He had known breaking the hold of the _lapsit exillis_ was not going to be easy. But he'd been complacent and it had cost Castiel his life.

"Well," a new voice said. 'This is a mess, innit?" Gabriel turned around to see a short, stocky man with an untidy beard standing near the door, a demonic presence overlaying his physical form.

"You must be Crowley," Gabriel said acidly. Crowley sketched out a small bow.

"The Archangel Gabriel," he said mockingly. "I'm honored." He glanced down at the bodies of Castiel and Lucifer. "You've been a busy boy," he observed. Gabriel bared his teeth at him and was gratified when Crowley flinched. The demon at least had the sense to be afraid of him.

He strode over to the unconscious form of Martin Delaval and made an offhanded gesture. The old man raised his head and blinked. Gabriel stared.

"I owe Tyr a favor," Crowley explained. "Now we're even." He rubbed his hands together in glee.

"We 'ave a lot of work to do, so let's get to it!" The archangel rubbed a hand over his face, baffled. "The spell?" Crowley prompted.

"Cas is..." Dean croaked from the floor.

"Dead." Gabriel finished for him. Dean curled up into a ball, retching. Crowley looked down at him, a strange expression on his face.

"Well, sorta. Not really." Crowley admitted. Gabriel blinked. "He's inside the stone. So we cast the spell and _voila!_ Castiel will have the power to break free and destroy the stone at the same time." Martin coughed and pulled himself slowly out of the chair.

"Crowley," he greeted the demon. "You took yer time, boy." Crowley shrugged. Martin shuffled over to his overturned desk and rifled in the drawers. He produced his brass spell bowl and some chalk. Crowley pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to the avatar of Tyr, who accepted it and started sketching out some complicated looking sigilwork onto the floor.

Sam groaned and Gabriel turned his attention away from the demon and the avatar to regard the young hunter with apprehension. Sam blinked and looked confused.

"Gabriel?" he rasped. "What's going on?" His eyes were normal once more. He looked around at the devastation in the room, the bodies of the angels on the floor, then looked up at Gabriel in supplication.

"What happened?"

"You did, Sam." Gabriel said sorrowfully. Sam tried to get up and Gabriel pitilessly forced him back down onto the floor with his will. Sam's eyes widened, his face marked with shock and betrayal. Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing his emotional responses and keeping Sam firmly under his thumb.

"So, what's it gonna cost?" Crowley was saying to Martin.

"A sacrifice, as always," the old hunter told him. "You know the rules."

"I can't pay," Crowley said in annoyance. "I have nothing suitable to sacrifice." Martin nodded and looked over to Gabriel, Dean and Sam.

"Well," he said. "Which one of you is going to pay up?" Dean dropped his head. Gabriel couldn't blame him. He could feel Sam struggling against his control, but unable to fight the archangel's will he was just tiring himself out. Gabriel swallowed.

"I guess I'm the only one left. But Sam and I have formed a Nexus. If I sacrifice his love, here and now, what happens?" he said, his throat burning. Martin gave him a crafty look.

"You'll die." Gabriel took a deep breath and nodded.

"And Sam?" Martin shrugged.

"He'll just want to die. But the breaking of the Nexus won't kill him." Gabriel turned his attention inwards, where Sam was freaking out, tearing and clawing at him. He squashed Sam's will down further until he quieted.

"Then I will make the sacrifice," he said tonelessly. He stepped forward and offered up a lock of Sam's hair that he'd carried around with him since he'd woken up in the bunker. A lifetime ago.

Martin took it greedily and tucked it under the brass bowl where he'd assembled the ingredients of the spell. He began to chant, in the same double-layered voice he'd used when they were trying to locate Castiel. Then he cast something into the bowl. There was a blinding flash of white light.


	20. Chapter 20

Dean blinked, his vision a mess of formless shapes and colors.

"Uh," he croaked.

"Dean!" Sam called out. Dean turned towards the source of the sound. "Dean, are you OK?"

"I'm not sure," Dean said ruefully.

He blinked again, and finally some details of the room began to resolve. They were in Martin's office, lying on the floor. Dean looked around, confused. Martin was kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily. Crowley was leaning against the wall, looking a little windswept but otherwise unruffled. Dean turned to his left, where Castiel was lying. A sob caught at his throat, which turned into a gasp when Castiel twitched and groaned.

"Cas?" Dean said hoarsely. Cas rolled over, his breathing labored and his head swimming. He could hear talking but he was so tired, he couldn't even raise his head. Crowley's face appeared in his vision.

"Castiel! Can you hear me?" Cas gave a smile, but it can't have looked much like a smile because Crowley looked concerned.

"Dean! We need you here!" he barked. The demon's face disappeared and Dean's replaced it. The hunter looked taut and strained.

"Hey, Cas. You're gonna be OK. But you need to recharge your Grace now. Through the anchor. Do you think you can do that?" Cas gave a nod and gasped as pain shot through him. He tried to raise his arm but for some reason his body refused to respond. "It's OK. Let me do it." Dean told him. He took Cas' arm and lifted it to the back of his head. As soon as the angel's hand touched the anchor mark, his instinct took over and he clamped his hand down tight, drawing Grace through the connection to Heaven in Dean's soul. It flooded through him, and with it a complex blend of emotions from the hunter. Dean wasn't holding anything back, and Cas was almost overwhelmed. He stared up at the him, the love of his life. Dean was saying something but Cas couldn't hear him, couldn't hear anything but the pounding of his heart in time with Dean's. The hunter leaned forward to repeat what he was saying and now his face was so very close it made Cas' breath catch. Dean gave him a soft, affectionate smile and Cas could feel his breath on his skin. He quivered.

"Dean…" he breathed.

"Cas?" Dean asked again, concerned. "Are you OK?" Cas smiled up at Dean, feeling slightly light-headed.

"I think so." He tugged Dean's head down until their noses were almost touching. Dean's pupils dilated and he bit his bottom lip. His eyes flickered across Cas' face for a moment, and then he tilted his head to the side, his lips poised just above Cas' mouth. The angel swallowed nervously, then applied a little pressure to the back of Dean's head. The hunter crushed their mouths together, dragging a moan from Cas' throat. Cas opened his mouth beneath Dean's and his tongue swept inside. Dean pressed himself against Cas' body, tremors wracking through him as all thought was washed away by a tsunami of sensation and emotion. Dean thrust one hand into the angel's hair and the other cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb across his jaw. Cas slid his free hand around Dean's waist and clutched him tightly. He was just considering rolling the hunter beneath him when a sound behind him reminded him where they were and who their audience was.

Behind him, Dean heard a choking sound. He turned his head to see Sam cradling Gabriel's lifeless body, rocking back and forth and crying out a horrifying keening noise. Tears pricked at his eyes, Sam's grief and guilt a visceral thing that clawed at his soul.

Crowley picked his way through the debris and poked at Lucifer's corpse with one toe. Then he leaned down and picked up a dull green stone on the ground and tucked it into his pocket.

"Well," he said, rubbing his hands together. "I love it when a plan comes together!" Dean glared at him and Crowley sobered. "I think I've outstayed my welcome," he observed and disappeared, taking Lucifer's body with him.

Cas disengaged from Dean and stood up. He walked over to Sam and placed one hand on his shoulder. Sam was almost hyperventilating, his face ravaged. Cas cast a look at Dean, his own sorrow drawing deep lines in his face. Then he reached out and touched two fingers to Sam's forehead and watched as he slumped to the floor. Cas turned back to Dean.

"Stay here, I need to deal with Gabriel." Dean wrinkled his forehead at him. Cas picked up Gabriel's body and strode out of the office. Martin hauled himself upright and slouched after the angel.

Dean dragged himself over to where Sam was lying and pulled his brother into his lap. He felt hollowed out inside. He stroked Sam's hair and let the tears fall.

Cas and Martin returned empty handed about an hour later and Dean didn't have the heart to ask him where he'd been or what he'd done with Gabriel. The angel looked deeply troubled.

"Cas," he said softly. "Gabriel was resurrected once before. Can't we try that again?" Cas frowned at him.

"Of course you can," Martin growled. "But it won't change anything. Gabriel was killed by the breaking of the Nexus. If you resurrect him, I don't know what will come back." Dean turned his gaze on Martin.

"You told me you'd kill Cas' love for me," he looked up at the angel fondly before turning back to Martin. "It didn't exactly work." Martin laughed.

"Well, maybe I was a little...unclear. This kind of magic needs sacrifice, pain, loss. You can generate that kind of thing by actually sacrificing the love of someone, sure. But over the years I've managed to find… loopholes. I used one of those loopholes for you. By obscuring some of Castiel's memories, I was able to induce the same pain and loss in you. But the actual loss was much smaller." He smiled at Dean. "I see you've started to find your way back to each other." Dean flushed.

"Well, then why couldn't you do the same thing for Sam?" he demanded. Martin's expression turned cold.

"You were blameless and selfless, sacrificing Cas' love not for your own sake but for his and for Sam. Sam didn't make this sacrifice, Gabriel did." Dean's fists clenched.

"That's nitpicking and you know it. Why couldn't you do it for Gabriel's sake?"

"Two reasons. Firstly, Sam has committed some terrible crimes. He has to pay for that."

"It wasn't his fault!" Dean yelled. "It was that evil stone!"

"Nevertheless," Martin said sternly. "The crimes cannot go unpunished. Secondly, I didn't kill Sam's love for Gabriel. Or didn't you notice?" Dean blinked. "You saw his grief."

"I don't understand," Dean confessed. "If you didn't destroy Sam's love for Gabriel, then what caused the Nexus to break and kill Gabriel?" Martin looked away.

"The spell required a lot of power," was all he would say.

Dean trudged back to the car, following Cas who was carrying Sam. They'd won, at least on paper. Lucifer was dead, the _lapsit exillis'_ power was destroyed and Sam freed from the influence of both. He had Cas back, after almost losing him yet again. But it was a hollow victory. Sam had lost Gabriel, and although Martin had assured him that Sam would survive, Dean was worried.

Cas sat in the backseat with Sam, keeping him asleep for the drive back to the bunker. The angel's eyes were tormented. His own grief at the loss of his brother and his empathy for Sam's loss were clearly marked on his face. Dean gritted his teeth and pushed all his emotions down as deep as he could and concentrated on driving.

* * *

Back at the bunker, Cas carried Sam into his room and then eased his Grace back, allowing Sam to awaken. He blinked and scrubbed a hand over his face and looked at Cas and Dean in bewilderment.

"Uh, why are you in my room?" he asked.

"We just got back from Little Rock," Cas told him. Sam's eyes widened and he drew in a shuddering breath.

"Oh, God!" Sam gasped. " _Gabriel!_ " He covered his face with his hands and wept. Dean wrapped one arm around his brother and held him as he sobbed.

"I can't do this, Dean," he whimpered. "I can't…" Dean squeezed his shoulders.

"You can. You can survive this." Dean told him. _You have to._ He looked up at Cas who was chewing on his lip.

* * *

It had been three days.

Three days since the events in Little Rock had destroyed Sam's life. And he was entirely to blame. Losing Gabriel was bad enough. But his grief was magnified unendurably by the fact that everything that had happened had been because of the things he'd done, the decisions he'd made. He'd done some truly unforgivable things in his life. Including kickstarting the apocalypse. Now it seemed the universe was exacting its punishment. Gabriel had chosen to sacrifice their love and destroy the Nexus, killing him in the process. Something had gone wrong, because Sam was all too aware that he still loved Gabriel, and he could still feel the Nexus, cold and lifeless within him. But Gabriel was dead anyway. He'd begged Castiel to help him try and resurrect him, even if he had to live without his love, just knowing he was alive would ease some of this tearing, soul-shredding pain. Cas had been sympathetic but firm, insisting that resurrection was off the table. That it was impossible. Sam supposed that this was no more than he deserved.

And then there was Lucifer, whom Sam had murdered in cold blood. His grief for the fallen archangel was more complex, shaded as it was with the knowledge that he had no business loving Lucifer in the first place. He didn't dare admit this to Dean and Cas, although he suspected the angel knew. But when he wasn't seeing Gabriel's lifeless body lying on the floor of Martin's office, he was reliving the moment he'd thrust Lucifer's own blade under the archangel's chin.

Sam hadn't gotten out of bed since they'd returned to the bunker, despite Cas and Dean's many attempts to convince him. He didn't see the point. Dean had carefully stripped his room of all of his weapons, or anything he could fashion into a weapon. Cas was an almost constant presence. He'd refused the food they left for him but drank the water, although he wasn't sure why. Dying of dehydration would be too quick, he figured and he deserved to suffer. Sam wanted to die. But he didn't even have the will to take his own life.

Time had lost all meaning.

* * *

Dean looked constantly exhausted and barely slept. Cas was worried. Martin had been very clear with his instructions but the angel was beginning to wonder if he should have listened to the old man. Sam was now so weak he could no longer lift his head or respond to anything Dean or Cas said to him.

"Dean, we have to take steps," Cas told him, nuzzling his nose into the hunter's hair. Dean nodded against his chest.

"What kind of steps?" he mumbled.

"I think we need to put Sam in an artificial coma. That way we can force-feed him, keep track of his vital signs more closely." Dean shivered.

"Are things that bad?" he asked. Cas frowned.

"Worse. If we try to force food into him right now, he'll probably choke. But if he's unconscious. we can run a tube into his stomach." Cas explained. "I can't keep him alive just with my Grace, not if he's not taking in any nutrition."

"I think we have most of what we need to do that," Dean admitted. He hated this, but he didn't know what else to do. He rolled reluctantly out of bed and pulled on his jeans, before leading the angel to a storage closet where they kept medical supplies and equipment.

"Where did you get all this?" the angel wondered.

"Well, Sam and I can get torn up pretty bad, and you haven't been fully angeled up until recently." Dean said offhandedly. "Since we got a permanent base, we've picked up bits and pieces from closing hospitals, ripped off from from medical suppliers, that kind of thing." They carried what they needed to Sam's room and he helped Cas run a feeding tube into Sam and hook up the wires to monitor his pulse, blood pressure and oxygen saturation. Dean stared at his brother, Sam's eyes were sunken and his face thin and drawn.

"What are we doing, Cas?" he whispered, his throat closing. The angel looked up in surprise.

"Keeping Sam alive," he said slowly.

"Why?" Cas stared at him and Dean swallowed. "Sam's been through so much. Losing Gabriel has destroyed him."

"He destroyed himself," Cas pointed out bitterly. Dean glared at him.

"It's not his fault," he snarled.

"It never is," the angel retorted. "Don't you think I get tired of this, constantly picking up the pieces after he makes a mess. Don't you get tired of it?"

"He's my brother." Dean said simply. Cas sighed.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"I'm just wonderin' is all." Dean said. "I don't know if Sam can survive this. What if we're just prolonging his pain?" Cas was stern.

"No, Dean. Sam has to live." Dean looked away.

* * *

Dean was roused from a half doze in a chair next to Sam's bed by his phone. He glared at the offending object before answering.

"Yeah," he growled.

"Dean," Crowley said seriously. "How's Sam?" _Awesome_. _Just who he didn't want to speak to._

"Bad," Dean said shortly. "Awful." There was silence.

"Yeah, I figured. Anythin' I can do?" the demon offered. Dean grunted.

"No. There's nothing anyone can do."

"Something's wrong." Crowley said. "The prophecy didn't say anything about this."

"So maybe your prophecy's wrong. Wouldn't be the first time," Dean said sourly.

"It's possible," Crowley admitted. "But I don't think so. Is Castiel there?" Dean's patience was at an end.

"He's got a phone. Call him yourself," he snapped and hung up.

"I will," Crowley said to dead air.

* * *

When Cas' phone rang and Crowley's number appeared on the display he was seriously tempted to dismiss it. He wasn't really sure why he answered instead.

"Castiel," Crowley said urgently. "We 'ave to talk."

"No we don't" Cas contradicted him. "What could we possibly have to talk about?" He went to hang up.

"Oi! 'Old on a second!" Crowley yelled. "Y'know, I think Dean's rubbin' off on you." He sniggered at his inadvertent joke. Cas rolled his eyes. "I can 'ear you rollin' your eyes at me," the demon added.

"What do you want, Crowley," he said, relenting.

"It's about that prophecy, innit?" Crowley told him. "Something's wrong."

"You might be surprised to learn that I don't put much faith in infernal prognostication." Cas said resentfully.

"Not really," Crowley said. "But that doesn't matter. The point is, the last line. The one about shinin' in the golden light of God's strength." Castiel gasped. "Exactly. That's Gabriel. So why is 'e dead?" Castiel was suddenly glad the demon couldn't see his face.

"I don't know," he said shortly. "It's your prophecy. I have to go." He hung up.

Crowley glared at his phone. Stupid hunters and their stupid angel lovers. He really didn't know why he was bothering.

* * *

Leliel stepped carefully into Sam's room, her face taut. Sam Winchester was unconscious, his deliberate decision to withdraw from the world to shield himself from his grief and his guilt. She sneered at him in contempt, then extended her Grace to rouse him. Sam blinked his eyes open slowly.

"Uh," he said. "Leliel?"

"Sam Winchester. I cannot say we are pleased with the outcome in Little Rock," she said acidly. Sam closed his eyes again. He couldn't deal with this, didn't care about it. "Nevertheless, we must proceed. Give me the _lapsit exillis._ "

"I can't," Sam whispered. "I don't have it." She gave him an impatient look.

"Where is it?" she demanded. Sam's eyes fluttered open.

"Crowley took it and Lucifer's body too," he told her. Her mouth pinched in temper.

"I see," she said coldly. "What Lucifer saw in you is beyond me, Sam. The Aemeth are most displeased."

"Then take your revenge," Sam invited. "Kill me. I can't stop you, I can't even get out of bed." She stared at him.

"No," she said scornfully. "You want to die. It would be a boon, a blessing. I will not give you such respite. You must live with your mistakes and your disastrous decisions." She disappeared and Sam let his eyes drift closed again.

* * *

Cas closed his eyes and tried to commune with his brother, Jegudiel. He felt his Grace touch the other angel's and gave a small smile.

"Jegudiel, brother. How goes the day?"

"Heavy," Jegudiel said lugubriously. "Much of Heaven is talking about what you and Gabriel have been up to. And there is much sorrow of the loss of Gabriel for a second time. Lucifer too."

"I imagine so," Castiel said distantly.

"I'm sorry brother. You didn't seriously think anyone in Heaven would approve of what you're doing with Dean Winchester." Castiel was dismissive.

"I don't care about that. They've not approved of me for a long time. I don't need their approval now." He breathed in and out. "Have you been in contact with Tyr, as I asked?" There was a sense of sorrow.

"Yes, for what it's worth. I have been told to tell you to stick to the instructions you were given, or suffer the consequences." Castiel sighed.

"Thank you, brother."


	21. Chapter 21

Dean looked up when Cas sidled into Sam's room. The angel looked like he had an unpleasant task to perform. No doubt he had something to say. Dean rubbed a hand over his face, _had he really become so difficult to talk to?_

"Dean," the angel rumbled. "We have to talk." Dean breathed through his nose.

"OK," he said calmly. "Shoot."

"It's about Gabriel," Cas said softly. Dean frowned.

"What about him?" The angel shuffled. "Come on Cas, spit it out."

"He's not dead," Cas blurted out. Dean almost fell off his chair.

"What do you mean he's not dead? Sam's on the brink of death from grief and you're telling me he's not even freaking dead? Is this another one of his goddamn tricks?" He stood up, his fists clenched. "Where is he? I'm gonna rip his fucking wings off!" Cas leveled a look at him.

"This was not Gabriel's doing, Dean. He's in a kind of stasis. Like a coma. He has no idea about what has happened." Cas explained.

"So who is responsible?" Dean demanded.

"Tyr, of course." Cas told him, but he couldn't look Dean in the eye.

"You knew," Dean said angrily. "You knew and you said nothing. How could you, Cas?"

"I had no choice," the angel said uncertainly. "The power required to defeat the _lapsit exillis_ ' grip on Sam's soul was considerable. Gabriel was willing to sacrifice everything to save Sam. Martin felt that there was another way. Just like what happened with you and me."

"So why is Gabriel somewhere in a coma, instead of here with my brother?" Dean yelled.

"Because Martin was very clear in his instructions. If I wanted to save Sam and my brother, I had to do what he told me. And he was adamant that I not tell you until the time was up."

"So, is the time up? Can we go and fix this mess?" Dean growled.

"No. I am breaking Martin's rules," Cas admitted. "Because I don't think Sam can live like this for a year." Dean choked. A year? They were going to be lucky if Sam lasted a month.

"So what do we do?" Cas' mouth twisted.

"You go talk to Martin and convince him to change his mind."

* * *

Dean drove like he was possessed, and made it to Little Rock in record time. He hammered on the gate of Martin's salvage yard. Martin opened it warily.

"Cas told me what's been going on," Dean snarled. "I don't wanna hear any excuses. Sam's lost the will to live. We have to bring Gabriel back now." Martin huffed out a breath.

"Do you have any idea what you're asking?" he asked mildly. Dean bared his teeth and the old hunter stepped back.

"All right. Come in."

Dean stalked into the yard and followed Martin back to his office. But when they got there, instead of gathering up what he would need to revive Gabriel, he grabbed an unlabeled glass bottle and sloshed some unidentifiable cloudy liquid into two mugs. He thrust one into Dean's hands.

"Drink," he ordered. Dean twitched and gulped down a large mouthful, then choked on the harsh taste.

"What the Hell is that stuff?" he coughed. Martin laughed.

"My very own moonshine. Good, ain't it?" Dean gave him a sour look.

"Yeah, for stripping paint." But he took another swig anyway.

"The spell to empower Castiel's Grace to break out of the _lapsit exillis_ required considerable power. Incredible pain. But I saw no need for Gabriel to actually die. You all just had to believe it. I told Castiel Sam would have to endure it for a year." The old man's face looked pinched. "It's only been two weeks. It's risky. We borrowed the pain from the future and it has to be repaid. If he hasn't suffered sufficiently to power the spell, the backlash could destroy everything within a thousand mile radius." Dean shivered.

"Sam won't last a year," he said urgently. "He's stopped eating. Cas put him in a coma, we've got him on a feeding tube. But without the will to survive, I don't know if it will be enough." Tears threatened and he forced them back. "I don't have much in the way of family. Sam and Cas are pretty much it. And I guess Gabriel too now. I can't lose Sam, Martin. Please."

"It's not that I'm not sympathetic," Martin told him. "I am. But the consequences of bringing Gabriel back so soon could be catastrophic."

"There must be something we can do," Dean pressed. Martin rolled his eyes.

"There is. We wait."

"Didn't I just say Sam can't wait that long!" Dean lunged across the room, grabbing the old man by the lapels. Martin shoved Dean backwards with enough force to remind the hunter that he was not really just an old man.

"Then you have to find another way to pay the price the spell demanded. It's that simple." Martin folded his arms over his chest. Dean couldn't look at him.

"Don't ask me to give up Cas again," he muttered. "I can't do it." Martin grabbed his cane and thumped it on the ground and Dean looked up.

"No. I won't ask that. It wouldn't work anyway. The sacrifice has to come from Sam." Dean collapsed into a chair.

"He's got nothing left." he growled. Martin gave him a sly smile. "What are you suggesting?"

"The spell requires grief. If it's not grief at the death of the two loves of his life, then it has to be something else." Martin said, watching Dean closely. Dean frowned.

"Two loves of his life?" He queried.

"Gabriel and Lucifer." Martin stated. Dean stood up.

"Are you suggesting that Sam is mourning Lucifer?" he demanded. "You're insane!" The old man looked at him like he was the mad one.

"Of course he's mourning Lucifer. He loved him just a fiercely as he loved Gabriel. And he killed him. He remembers that in exquisite detail." Martin's face was flinty. "I made sure of that." Dean reared back.

"How much of this is for the spell and how much is your petty revenge?" Dean barked. "Why have you got it in for my brother?"

"Sam's an abomination, a monster. Not because of the demon blood, or the fact that he's half angel now. He's a monster because he _does monstrous things_. If I had my way, Sam would pay for his crimes with his life." Martin drew himself up to his full height. "But my Lord Tyr has other ideas and I submit myself to his will."

"That's not fair. It was the stupid evil emerald that made Sam do those terrible things." Dean defended.

"Oh really?" Martin snarled. "Except for oh, drinking demon blood and starting the Apocalypse, getting a number of good angels killed including Gabriel I might point out. Attempted patricide. Abandoning you in Purgatory. Releasing the Darkness. Just a few of the highlights of the short but bloody career of Sam Winchester."

"None of those things were his fault," Dean objected. But he knew Martin was right, Sam did bear some responsibility for all of those things. Martin slumped.

"Yer brother's weak." he relented. "I'll help you, but I'm doing it for you, not him. You are worth saving, even if Sam is not." He turned to open a door to a connecting room. Dean followed, silent and troubled. Gabriel's body was laid out on a couch, pale and unmoving. Dean picked the archangel up and carried him back through to the office. Martin was kneeling on the floor and had already sketched out the sigils in chalk. He got up and cast a few items into the brass bowl near Gabriel's feet and lit the candles placed at strategic points around the circle. He shouted out a short incantation and tossed a lit match into the bowl. Dean flinched away from the flash.

The archangel's eyes fluttered and he groaned.

"Gabriel?" Dean said softly. "How are you feeling?" The archangel scratched at his head.

"Uh...confused, I guess. Where am I?" he looked around in bewilderment.

"Martin Delaval's office," Dean explained. Gabriel did not look enlightened. He regarded the hunter warily.

"You look like Hell, bucko," he observed.

"Sam… the grief was too much for him. Cas and I have had to keep him in a coma, feed him through a Goddamn tube." Dean explained. Gabriel looked thoughtful.

"Who died?" Dean gaped at him

"You did!" he cried. Gabriel scrambled away from him, his face aghast. "What do you remember?"

"Lucifer," Gabriel said. He looked around. "But not here. A hotel somewhere." Dean inhaled sharply.

"You don't remember anything since then?" he asked carefully. Gabriel frowned.

"How could I? I was dead." Dean looked uncomfortable.

"Well, well, well." Martin said smugly. "Ain't this a turn up for the books?" Dean's head swivelled around to glare at the old hunter.

"This is funny to you?" he growled. "He's forgotten everything!"

"I warned you. We borrowed a lot of future pain to power the spell. When you monkey with that the results can be unpredictable."

Dean's phone began buzzing against his hip and he struggled to tug it free from his pocket. His eyes widened in alarm when he saw who was calling.

"Cas!" he cried. "What's wrong?"

"It's Sam," the angel wept. "He's having some kind of fit. I've tried everything but he won't calm down."

"Put the phone on speaker and place it where he can hear it." Dean commanded. He heard the angel fumble with the phone.

"OK," Cas said, shaky and a little tinny. Dean handed his phone to Gabriel.

"Talk to Sam," he insisted. "Tell him you're alive." Gabriel eyed him warily but accepted the phone.

"Sam?" he said uncertainly. "Sam, can you hear me?"

"Gabriel…" Sam's voice slurred over the phone.

"That worked," Cas interjected, relieved. "He's calming down." Gabriel handed the phone back to Dean and snapped his fingers. A candy bar appeared in his hand and he tore it open.

"Cas? Can you keep things under control until we get there?" Dean asked.

"Yes," the angel replied. "I think so. But hurry." The phone went dead. Gabriel chewed contemplatively.

"Well, I think that's all the excitement I can handle for today. Getting resurrected is apparently quite tiring." He stretched and extended his wings. Dean gaped and then grabbed the archangel's arm. Gabriel's face was cold.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked icily. Power crackled in the air and Dean swallowed.

"You have to come back with me," he insisted. "Sam needs you." Gabriel looked skeptical.

"What would Sam need me for?" he sneered. Dean gritted his teeth.

"Look, I know you don't remember. But you and Sam, you're... " he broke off for a moment.

"You're bonded, and not just regular old bonding either. Something called a Nexus?" Gabriel's eyes widened in horror.

"He agreed to that? Why?" he asked, sounding disturbed. "And why would I do that to him?"

"It's kind of a long story." Dean admitted. Gabriel was still for a moment then he shook his head.

"I don't understand. I can feel the Nexus, you're telling the truth about that." Dean opened his mouth to speak and Gabriel held up his hand. "I'm not interested. Whatever reason I had for forming the Nexus, I've changed my mind. Unfortunately, unlike a regular bond, a Nexus can't be broken except by death. I'm quite happy being alive again, thank you. And I don't suppose you want Sam to die. So, we've got a problem."

"Come back with me," Dean begged. "Talk to Sam. Please." Gabriel regarded him for a moment.

"Alright. But I'm making no promises."

Gabriel followed Dean back to the Impala, chewing on his candy silently. When they reached the car and Dean went to climb in, Gabriel gave him a puzzled look.

"You're planning to drive?" he asked. Then his grin flashed. "You don't like flying!"

"You're probably the only angel left with his wings," Dean told him. Gabriel gaped at him. "I told you it was a long story."

"Well, I've no desire to sit in a car with you for hours," Gabriel said. "So if you don't mind…" He stepped forward and laid a hand on Dean's shoulder. He hesitated. "Where are we going?"

* * *

Cas knew the moment Dean arrived back at the bunker with Gabriel. His head came up and he hurried out to meet them. Dean looked harried and drawn, and Cas suddenly had a very bad feeling about all of this. Gabriel was eyeing the bunker as if seeing it for the first time. Cas strode forward and enveloped Dean in a hug. The archangel arched one eyebrow. Cas released Dean and smiled at his brother.

"Gabriel, it's good to see you again," Cas told his brother.

"So I hear." Gabriel said airily. "I can't say I'm all that happy to be here, Castiel." Cas frowned.

"Gabriel doesn't remember anything since Lucifer killed him at the Elysian Fields Motel." Dean told his angel. "And he's not too happy about the Nexus either." Cas' eyes went wide. Gabriel shrugged.

"Let me talk to Sam," he said. Cas guided him down the hall to Sam's room. Sam was still hooked up to the machines monitoring his vital signs, although Cas had removed the feeding tube. Sam's eyes were closed and his face peaceful. They flickered open as Gabriel approached. Sam slowly pulled himself upright and leaned over to pull the archangel in, nuzzling his nose into Gabriel's neck and gratefully breathing in the familiar scent of the archangel's skin.

"Gabriel," he said brokenly. "Oh, God, Gabriel."

"Sam," Gabriel mumbled. "Uh, Sam?" He pushed at Sam's shoulders and wriggled free of the young Winchester's grasp. Sam froze.

"Sam," Gabriel said, tentatively. "We formed a Nexus?" Sam nodded.

"Yes. A few days ago."

"And you were happy about it? You agreed, knowing what it meant?" Sam leaned back, exhausted already.

"You don't remember?" he mumbled. "Do you remember anything?"

"I don't know what you mean, Sam." Gabriel told him. "The last thing I remember is dying at Lucifer's hands in that tacky hotel." Sam gave him a weak smile.

"OK. Let's start there. Do you remember placing a Grace anchor in me, a little while before that?" he asked. Gabriel started.

"You know about that?" he looked away. "Of course you do." Sam's eyes drifted closed.

"Gabriel, Sam is in no condition to tell you everything that's happened," Castiel said firmly. "I need to feed him and he's very weak. Why don't we let him sleep and Dean and I will fill in the blanks." Gabriel looked unhappy but he nodded.

"OK." Dean left the room and Gabriel followed, leaving Cas to coax Sam into swallowing a few spoonfuls of yoghurt.


	22. Chapter 22

_I jumped in the river and what did I see?_

 _Black-eyed angels swam with me_

 _A moon full of stars and astral cars_

 _All the things I used to see_

 _All my lovers were there with me_

 _All my past and futures_

 _And we all went to heaven in a little row boat_

 _There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt_

 _Pyramid Song - Radiohead_

Dean splashed bourbon into glasses and shoved one at Gabriel, who lounged in the library chair as though he owned the place. It was an act, Dean had gotten to know Gabriel well enough to know that this was a carefully constructed facade intended to mask the archangel's disquiet.

"You can't possibly tell him the whole story tonight," Cas said from the doorway. Dean leaned back and grinned at him. The angel walked over, dropping a kiss on Dean's head as he passed.

"I see you two have gotten… friendlier," Gabriel observed with a smirk. Dean ignored him.

"OK, where do we start? That Grace anchor is how you were resurrected." Dean told him. "You need to know that at least."

"Why _did_ you resurrect me?" Gabriel asked lazily. His eyes were sharp.

"We didn't. That was Metatron." Gabriel curled his lip in contempt and Dean laughed. "Yeah, he's a toad. We agree on that."

After an hour, Dean and Cas had managed to give Gabriel a very abbreviated version of everything that had happened. Gabriel was looking a little wild around the eyes.

"You're not going to freak out on me, are you?" Dean asked him. Gabriel swallowed.

"So what happens now?" the archangel managed. Dean and Cas exchanged a look.

"That depends on you," Dean told him. "You said you'd changed your mind about the Nexus." Gabriel's shoulders hunched.

"Look, Sam's a good kid. Well, uh, kinda. And I like him a lot, I do. But he's really, really broken. You want me to take that on?"

"You already did," Castiel said acidly. "Now, you're backing out."

"I don't remember any of it!" Gabriel protested. "That's hardly my fault." He pouted like a child and Dean ground his teeth.

"Look, fine. You don't wanna deal with this, take responsibility for what you did? OK, we can't force you. But what happens to Sam?" Dean pressed. Gabriel's face twisted.

"I'll have to figure something out. It's not going to be… what he was hoping for," he admitted. Castiel regarded him coldly and he shifted uncomfortably. "I'm here aren't I?" he defended.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes, a strange pulsing sensation in his chest. The Nexus was throbbing within him, and he turned his head to find the source. Gabriel was sat in a chair near the bed, his face pensive.

"Hey," Sam whispered. Gabriel's eyes flew to his.

"How are you feeling, Sam?" he asked.

"Crappy." Sam said with feeling. "I'm glad you're here." Gabriel looked away.

"We need to talk," the archangel said, his voice taut with strain.

"OK," Sam said. He could feel a knot forming in his stomach and the Nexus pulsed within him again. It seemed unhappy.

"Dean and Castiel filled me in on what happened. Briefly. Did they explain to you about what happened to me in Little Rock?" Sam nodded painfully.

"So, we have a real problem, Sam." the archangel said tiredly. "We have a Nexus, and no reason for it to exist." Sam's eyes widened and he choked.

"Are you saying-" His head began to spin. "You didn't just forget what happened these past few months. You've forgotten… us?" Gabriel's mouth twitched.

"I'm saying that if we fell in love, I not only don't remember it. I don't feel it. I'm sorry, Sam. I am. But I can't pretend something I don't feel." Sam turned his head away.

"Of course you can't. I understand that. But you told me you had been in love with me before Lucifer killed you. That it's why you placed the Grace anchor." Gabriel chewed the inside of his cheek.

"So Castiel said. I don't know what to tell you. Whatever love I felt, it's not there. Not anymore." Gabriel looked down at the floor. This was awful. He never wanted to hurt Sam. "So the Nexus," he said. "Like I say, it's a problem."

"What are you proposing?" Sam whispered.

"Well, it can't be removed or destroyed. Not without killing one or both of us. So we have to live with it. One of the problems is going to be that we're not going to be able to stand being apart for very long. I can go away for a week or two. No more. But being around each other is going to be hard too. The Nexus will want us to be regularly reinforcing the bond. We won't be able to resist it." Gabriel looked nauseous. Sam felt dizzy.

"Let me get this straight. You're telling me I have to have sex with someone who doesn't want me, doesn't love me and will be trying to spend as much time as possible away from me." Gabriel winced. Sam took a deep breath. "I'd rather die." Gabriel sighed.

"That's your decision," he told him. Sam felt like he'd been slapped.

"Is there a reason you don't want to try and… recapture what we had before?" he pleaded. Gabriel was incredulous.

"You're a mess, Sam. Broken beyond repair. Fixing you would take a lot of work. I'm a free spirit, what can I say?"

"I think you've said enough," Sam said coldly. "I won't do it. You don't want me, fine. You don't get to have me."

"Sam," Gabriel said reasonably. "The Nexus-"

"Fuck the Nexus!" Sam spat. "And fuck you!"

* * *

Cas looked up from his book at the sound of wings. Gabriel was furious, his power coming off him in waves.

"I've done all I can," he said tightly. "Sam won't listen to reason. I'm outta here."

"You're offering him a sterile, loveless marriage," Cas pointed out. "Who would want that?"

"I don't care," Gabriel retorted. "It's not my problem."

"But it is," Cas insisted. "You did this. I backed you up, against Dean's wishes at times. And now you're just going to abandon your responsibilities. Well that's just what you do, isn't it? Things get difficult, and you run away." He was angry now, angrier than he'd ever been at Gabriel, who had always been his favourite brother. Gabriel had had enough. With a flutter of wings he was gone.

Dean dashed into the library and looked at the angry angel stood seething in the middle of the room. "Was that Gabriel?" he yelled. A muscle twitched in Cas' jaw.

"Yes," he said, his voice strained. "He's gone."

"What?" Dean shrieked. "He's ditching Sam?" Cas slumped, all his anger draining out of him.

"Yes. We're on our own."

* * *

Dean slipped silently into Sam's room. His brother's eyes were closed but his face was wet, his nose red.

"God, Sammy," Dean said, dropping into a chair. "I'm sorry. Gabriel's a dick."

"It's OK," Sam said faintly. "I understand. He's in a difficult position."

"Sam, I don't want to say this to you. But you have to forget him, somehow. Move on." Sam looked skeptical.

"With the Nexus, I'm not sure it'll be that easy. But you're right. I'm sorry, Dean. I should have listened to you."

"The day you do, I think the world will end," Dean said in resignation. Sam gave a soft laugh, and it did Dean's soul good to hear it.

* * *

Dean wandered through the bunker, restless and frustrated. He found himself in the TV room, and threw himself onto the couch, not really intending to watch anything. He laid his head back and allowed himself to drift, remembering lying in here with Cas. Thinking about the angel seemed to summon him, as he heard Cas enter the room. He beckoned him over and the angel happily dropped down beside him and wrapped himself around Dean.

"How's Sam?" Dean asked. Cas nibbled at his ear.

"Better," the angel said, sounding surprised. "He actually ate more than just a few mouthfuls tonight."

"It's weird. I thought Gabriel abandoning Sam was going to be the end. I didn't know if Sam would come back from that." Dean commented, trying to concentrate while Cas mouthed at his neck.

"Humans are strange," Cas agreed. He grazed his teeth along Dean's shoulder and the hunter shivered.

"Hey," Dean objected playfully. "You seem to like this one." Cas grinned against his skin.

"I'm also strange," he breathed. Dean tilted his neck back, his eyes closing and Cas growled. He slipped his hands inside Dean's shirt and tweaked at his nipples.

"God, Cas!" Dean gasped.

"Father!" a new voice exclaimed. "Castiel, what do you think you are doing?" Cas shot upright and Dean opened his eyes.

"Michael!" Cas said shocked. Dean looked at the form of his half-brother Adam, still apparently doing vessel duty for the archangel.

"What do you want?" Dean snarled.

"Now, Dean. After all the help I've given you, I'd hoped we could at least be civil." Michael said superciliously. He turned his gaze back on Cas and disgust contorted his features.

"How far you've fallen, Castiel," he commented, his voice stained with revulsion. "I suppose I should have seen this coming." Cas looked away and Dean squeezed his arm.

"If you just came to insult Cas, you can leave." Dean said firmly.

"I came to speak with Sam." Michael said. "He killed my brother."

"Sam's not available right now," Dean bit out. "And you were going to kill your brother, so what difference does it make?"

"I think I explained this to you before," Michael said coolly. "Killing Lucifer was my job." Dean gave him an insouciant grin.

"Dead's dead, far as I'm concerned." Dean told him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm kinda busy." He deliberately turned his attention back to Cas and began nibbling at the angel's neck. Cas' closed his eyes and groaned.

"Castiel!" Michael yelped. He didn't actually stamp his foot like a toddler having a tantrum, but in Dean's opinion he might as well have. Cas turned his head lazily to look at Michael again, not bothering to hide the arousal in his gaze. Dean snickered against Cas' skin. Michael looked like he wanted to throw up. "You will stop that this instance."

"I don't work for Heaven anymore." Cas told him. "Which means I don't work for you. Go away."

"I don't care what you think you do or do not owe to Heaven, Castiel." Michael snarled. "Sam Winchester is commanded to stand trial for the murder of the archangel Lucifer, God's most favored angel." Dean turned to him in shock.

"You're not serious!" he said, astonished.

"I am completely serious," Michael replied. "I do not make jokes."

"I bet you don't," Dean said under his breath. Out loud he said, "How come Sam has to stand trial? Don't you guys normally just smite anyone who gets in your way?" Michael shifted uneasily and Dean began to feel rather peculiar.

"We can't." the archangel admitted. "Sam Winchester qualifies for a trial because he has Grace. It's not his Grace, but that's irrelevant, the rules are quite clear. Secondly, even if that were not the case, his bonding with Gabriel means we cannot execute summary justice." Dean stayed silent, despite his desire to snark back at Michael some more, he didn't want to reveal the fact that Gabriel was MIA.

"So what happens now?" Cas asked. "This is a most unusual situation." Michael quirked a brow at him.

"I will take Sam with me now, where he will be held in Heaven's prison awaiting trial," he said stiffly.

"Does he get a lawyer?" Dean asked.

"Counsel will be assigned," Michael told him. "Most likely, Gabriel will be expected to represent him. We've had no luck in locating him, so make sure you pass the message on." There was a flap of wings and Michael was gone.

* * *

Sam became aware that he wasn't alone. He turned his head and opened his eyes, then gaped at the blond young man stood by his bed.

"Adam?" he gasped.

"Not quite," he said with a slight smile.

"Michael, then." Sam realized. "What are you doing here?"

"The Cage is broken. Or had you forgotten?" Sam looked away. "I'm here to take you in, Sam." Sam rotated his head towards Michael so quickly it made his neck twinge.

"Take me where?" he demanded.

"Heaven. You have to stand trial for the murder of my brother, Lucifer." Michael said. Sam gaped at him.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Sam exclaimed.

"Why would you think I would use humor in a situation like this?" Michael seemed puzzled. "Your brother seemed convinced this was a joke too."

"Never mind," Sam said. "Dean knows?"

"Yes,' Michael said. "You have to come with me now." He reached out and touched Sam's shoulder and with a flap of his wings they were gone.

* * *

Dean looked at Cas in alarm. Michael was going to take Sam right now? They leaped together off the couch and careened down the hall. Cas and Dean skidded into Sam's room, but they were too late. Sam was gone. Dean collapsed onto Sam's bed.

"Shit, Cas. What're we going to do?" he moaned.

"I can't go to Heaven. Remiel will throw me in jail too and I can't help Sam from in there. So there's only one thing we can do," Cas said. "We find Gabriel."

"Awesome," Dean said.

 **A/N So here we are my darlings, at the end of Part Two. It's been quite a journey, and I am so grateful to everyone who has commented, corresponded with me, favorited and followed my work. You all rock! And of course special thanks to shadowtoby, my beta, who is working with me. I hope you will all follow me to Part Three of Gracelight, Never Surrender, which I will start posting soon.**


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